RebelSquared

I have asked myself the same question over the years. Try searching "siblings cope with trauma differently" if you haven't already. It helped me understand the dynamics.

It appears to be quite common and tracks with the degree of dysfunction and abuse.

I have two younger siblings. I was like a mother figure to them even though just a few years older. We grew up in the 70s, teen parents and we experienced every type of abuse you can imagine on top of neglect, poverty, food and housing insecurity. Lots of violence, drugs, divorce, remarriages, moving, and all three of us dropped out of school before high school. We moved so much, and many times didn't have a place to live.
We all survived somehow. But it hasn't been pretty. I eventually went to college got an undergrad degree and then earned a professional degree, other sibling eventually became a teacher, the other one has been barely hanging on.

Given the above history you would think we would agree on our "childhoods" but we don't. The two of them have Stockholm Syndrome to one degree or another. I didn't diagnose them. One of my siblings came right out and told me she believes that is why they differ in opinion regarding our childhood. I had never even heard that term before, but it does seem to fit them. But our situation is extreme. Not every family's is.

The best I can recommend is to try and maintain your relationship with your siblings and respect their feelings and opinions about it. The fraught relationship I have with my siblings is just another gift that keeps giving from my parents. Our abusive mother died recently and that opened up a ton of old and new wounds.

As another poster related above, I also broke the cycle of abuse and my children who never met my parents, are in their 20s and successful and have no clue what that type of abuse, poverty or neglect looks like. But in many ways breaking the cycle also broke me physically and in other ways. I don't fit in anywhere. I never will.

I am a woman. Uncircumcised men don't bother me a bit.

I'm grateful that my labia weren't cut off when I was a baby. Perhaps that will be the norm for baby girls in the future? Removal of the troublesome labial folds that are hard to clean. lol

When my son was born 20+ years ago, I struggled with the decision.
I wanted my son to decide for himself when he was old enough, but I deferred to his father since he was the parent with a penis. His father wanted it done. It was done in the hospital. My son looked so perfect when he was born but then they returned him to me crying his brains out with an angry looking raspberry where his baby penis used to be. The worst part was that he would cry every time he urinated for days.

Grew up there in the 70s and 80s. That video sure brought back memories.

Reading your original post moved me so much I posted here for the very first time. I admire you for putting in the hard work of getting through the day without her, therapy and even trying medication.

I think it is cool that she is coming to you in dreams and although it is sad to hear that you are still struggling in some ways I would've found it sadder to read that you had moved on and were with a new partner already.

Life is tough. Hang in there.

My mother passed away on Tuesday. Just two days ago.

She suffered from undiagnosed mental illness and drug addiction and had been estranged from me, my siblings and what is left of our fractured dysfunctional family for years.

After a lifetime of suffering her abuse, I had had zero contact with her the past 29 years and figured I would just find out about her death after the fact. I got the call that she was in ICU last week. After that call my siblings and I provided her with the care and compassion she did not deserve but felt like the right thing to do. She was not alone nor suffering when she died.

Despite the years of abuse and neglect she inflicted upon us we are all glad that we got to say good-bye. It is a lot to deal with emotionally. The death of an abusive parent is a whole different level of grief.

No deck. I am a woman with deck envy.

The Poli Board this evening is almost as entertaining as the stolen trailer thread was a few months ago.

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Our first born was a difficult time. (1980)
Neonatal intensive care, 2 surgeries before he was 10 days old. Released after 28 days. I woke up $85k in debt. I had started my business 8 mos earlier. Lots beans and weiners for dinner. . Blue Cross Blue Shield maternity only covers well baby care. Occupational and Physical therapy for the next 16 years.
That’s just money and more money.
Woman's Hosp in BR discharged my wife and she was the only one being wheeled to the door without her baby, that screwed me up for a long time.

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And people who haven't been through this will never understand the toll it takes...financially and emotionally. And the negative repercussions that endure. Oftentimes it is the same people who love to preach about "poor life choices" broadly when doling out their financial wisdom.

Travel hockey is a choice. Pediatric ICU and cancer care are not. But you don't get any bonus points for being in debt for the latter.

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Men had testosterone back then. They didn't buy facial creams from Ulta or use color in the hair.

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And women used Ponds Cold cream not Botox and fillers. Maturing wasn't something people feared back then. Elders were respected. We are living in a time of perpetual adolescence. The smoking and other things are all valid but if you took those same people and applied all the youth chasing measures folks use today they would've looked younger too.

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How many half black half white people you know or are celebrities that claim to be white? I have never heard of that. They always claim black

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Mike Tirico?