re: Need to vent about fostering

Yesterday was our first 8 hour unsupervised visit. The Mother still doesn’t have beds for the kids, still doesn’t have rooms for the kids (she’s living in someone’s attic), and still doesn’t have transportation. When I went to pick up the kids the kids looked miserable. I know they at least had breakfast because I fed them, but she couldn’t be bothered to provide anything but junk food snacks rather than an actual healthy lunch. These kids are a pain to deal with when they don’t have naps. We told the mother beforehand, to get them to nap they need to be in a dark room without a tv, never nap with the tv, never and never put them in the same bed. What did she do? She thought having all three of her kids in her bed watching movies would work, it didn’t. Our night was spent trying to calm our young one down, she was bawling for three hours after the visit with a stomach ache and being tired.

We let our case worker know what happened and she asked if we could provide a schedule and list of the types of food they eat. The response, we can’t expect her to do that and they are pushing up reunification to Dec 2nd.

quote:

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seems you were expecting to adopt them.

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When we decided to start fostering a year ago the original plan was to only take in kids needing a temporary home for a short stay. But then we were introduced to the kids that are with us now. The state as a prerequisite to us taking on these kids said we had to be willing to adopt, which we ended up saying yes to. The kids had been bounced around and the Mom wasn't doing her part to get them back. So the original plan wasn't to adopt or even have kids long term, but that changed when the state essentially said this would eventually end in termination of parental rights

Monday was probably my toughest day as a foster parent. The first night after visitation is always tough when we get the kids back so it’s hard to see everything, especially when caseworkers and the Mom are not transparent. The Mom said the kids were fine but we quickly realized our boy’s cough was back but it was hard to tell how serious it was, he is always bad after visits due to lack of sleep and junk food. For unrelated reason I was up much of that night but heard him coughing, it was bad. I let him “sleep” in since he was up much of the night but the second he woke up I knew that was a mistake.

Took him to our local clinic and he sounded like he was breathing thru a straw, it took his entire body to draw a single breath. The local doctor said he needed to be rushed to the regional hospital in an ambulance, she didn’t think he could do it without immediate care in an ambulance. She was right, multiple breathing treatments between our clinic and the regional hospital was literally a life saver. He’s doing better now but it just kills me that had the mother or case worker been honest with us that they thought he needed medical attention when we picked them up, I could have taken him to the hospital rather than wait 14 hours after we picked the kids up Sunday, the hospital is less than five five minutes from child services where we pick them up, 50 minutes from my house.

Tested negative for all the current viruses, it’s more likely he has asthma and it’s being triggered by an environmental condition. Based on the smell of cigarettes on them when we pick them up, it seems pretty obvious what caused it. This has been an ongoing issue with us since the kids have gone to her home for visits, he is always sick after. Doctor is also almost certain him spending the first three years of his life in a meth house almost guarantees he had been exposed to toxic fumes. States reaction to everything that has happened of late, outside of ensuring he was ok following the ER visit, crickets. We lose these two kids Friday, they will be returning to a home that literally makes them sick, the state officials don’t care because the Mom checked a few required checkboxes. Kids well being aren’t the concern of the state, only that of the bio parents and getting kids off their books