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re: GMT
Posted on 6/3/25 at 6:46 pm to paperwasp
Posted on 6/3/25 at 6:46 pm to paperwasp
quote:
Just messing with you ofc, but I actually did not know that
A completely worthless piece of trivia that has been stuck in my brain since the 80s. I can't remember the birthdays of family members without Facebook telling me, but that has stayed in the old memory banks for whatever reason.
1
Posted on 6/4/25 at 4:47 am to Arksulli
Good morning
Posted on 6/4/25 at 4:54 am to Rockbrc
Today in History: June 4
1615 The fortress at Osaka, Japan, falls to Shogun Leyasu after a six-month siege.
1792 Captain George Vancouver claims Puget Sound for Britain.
1805 Tripoli is forced to conclude peace with the United States after a conflict over tribute.
1911 Gold is discovered in Alaska's Indian Creek.
1919 The U.S. Senate passes the Women's Suffrage bill.
1940 The British complete the evacuation of 300,000 troops at Dunkirk.
1960 The Taiwan island of Quemoy is hit by 500 artillery shells fired from the coast of Communist China.
2021 Nepalese Prime Minister KP Sharma Oli makes a desperate plea for vaccines amid his country's devastating COVID-19 second wave, reporting nearly 9,000 daily cases late May
2022 WHO says Monkeypox now found in 27 countries where not already endemic - 780 in last three weeks. Accesses global risk as moderate.
Born on June 4
1937 Robert Fulghum, American author (All I Really Need to Know I learned in Kindergarten).
JOTD
Three guys are walking through the woods when they find a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie. Delighted, the genie says "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."
The first guy immediately shouts out "I want a billion pounds." POOF, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50 The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man alive." POOF, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now well over 100 billion. The third guy thinks even longer about his wish, then says "I want my left arm to rotate clockwise for the rest of my life." POOF, his arm starts rotating.
The Genie tells them it's time for their second wish. First guy says: "I want to be married to the most beautiful woman on earth." POOF, a stunning beauty wraps herself around his arm. Second guy says "I want to be good-looking and charismatic, so I can have every girl I want." POOF, his looks change and the first guy's wife immediately starts flirting with him. Third guy says "I want my right arm to rotate counter-clockwise until I die." POOF, now both his arms are rotating, in opposite directions.
The genie tells them to think very carefully about their third wish. First guy does, and after a while says "I never want to become sick or injured, I want to stay healthy until I die." POOF, his complexion improves, his acne is gone and his knees don't bother him any more. Second guy says "I never want to grow old. I want to stay 29 forever." POOF, he looks younger already. Third guy smiles triumphantly and says "My last wish is for my head to nod back and forth." POOF, he's now nodding his head and still flailing his arms around. The genie wishes them good luck, disappears, and the men soon go their separate ways.
Many years later they meet again and chat about how things have been going. First guy is ecstatic: "I've invested the money and multiplied it many times over, so me and my family will be among the richest of the rich pretty much forever. My wife is a freak in the sheets, and I've never gotten so much as a cold in all these years." Second guy smiles and says "Well, I built charities worldwide with a fraction of my wealth, I'm still the richest guy alive and also revered for my good deeds. I haven't aged a day since we last met, and yes, your wife is pretty wild in bed." Third guy walks in, flailing his arms around and nodding his head, and says: "Guys, I think I fricked up."
Posted on 6/4/25 at 5:27 am to Armymann50
Morning all
Posted on 6/4/25 at 11:06 am to Armymann50
quote:
JOTD
This reads like a five-minute-long Norm joke. Well done.
Posted on 6/4/25 at 11:07 am to paperwasp
I still don't get why the 3rd guy wanted flailing arms and a chicken neck?
Posted on 6/4/25 at 11:12 am to 1BIGTigerFan
quote:
I still don't get why
Shaggy dog story
quote:
A shaggy-dog story is an extremely long-winded anecdote characterized by extensive narration of typically irrelevant incidents and terminated by an anticlimax. In other words, it is a long story that is intended to be amusing and that has an intentionally meaningless ending.
Shaggy-dog stories play upon the audience's preconceptions of joke-telling. The audience listens to the story with certain expectations, which are either simply not met. A lengthy shaggy-dog story derives its humor from the fact that the joke-teller held the attention of the listeners for a long time (such jokes can take five minutes or more to tell) for no reason at all, as the long-awaited resolution is essentially meaningless, with the joke as a whole playing upon people's search for meaning.
Posted on 6/4/25 at 11:15 am to paperwasp
quote:
A lengthy shaggy-dog story derives its humor from the fact that the joke-teller held the attention of the listeners for a long time for no reason at all.
You learn something everyday.
Posted on 6/4/25 at 11:30 am to 1BIGTigerFan
Posted on 6/4/25 at 11:57 am to paperwasp
At least that one had a punch line. Plus it made sense since moths like light.
Posted on 6/4/25 at 1:01 pm to Armymann50
Afternoon All
Posted on 6/4/25 at 2:01 pm to 1BIGTigerFan
quote:
At least that one had a punch line
I've posted this before, but it's still one of my favorites
Posted on 6/4/25 at 3:21 pm to paperwasp
quote:
JOTD
i read it to the wife and she gave me the look . How could I waste her time.
Posted on 6/4/25 at 7:09 pm to 1BIGTigerFan
I lol'd after the third reading.
Posted on 6/5/25 at 4:35 am to Armymann50
Today in History: June 5
1099 Members of the First Crusade witness an eclipse of the moon and interpret it as a sign they will recapture Jerusalem.
1637 American settlers in New England massacre a Pequot Indian village.
1783 Joseph and Jacques Montgolfier make the first public balloon flight.
1794 The U.S. Congress prohibits citizens from serving in any foreign armed forces.
1851 Harriet Beecher Stowe publishes the first installment of Uncle Tom's Cabin in The National Era.
1872 The Republican National Convention, the first major political party convention to include blacks, commences.
1880 Wild woman of the west Myra Maybelle Shirley marries Sam Starr even though records show she was already married to Bruce Younger.
1956 Premier Nikita Khrushchev denounces Josef Stalin to the Soviet Communist Party Congress.
1967 The Six-Day War between Israel and Egypt, Syria and Jordan begins.
1968 Sirhan Sirhan shoots Democratic presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy after Kennedy's victory in the pivotal California primary election.
2021 Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan promises to save the country's shores from a build-up of 'sea snot' (marine mucilage) due to pollution and climate change
2023 Former US Vice President Mike Pence declares his candidacy for the Republican presidential nomination
Born on June 5
1878 Francisco "Pancho" Villa, Mexican revolutionary and guerrilla leader.
1949 Ken Follett, novelist (Eye of the Needle, On The Wings of Eagles).
JOTD
A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out.
So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time." Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"
"Well," the woman says, "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favourite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999 my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old, it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden. "
The man can't believe it. "I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!" Naturally, they're both shocked.
"If that isn't weird enough," says the woman, "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain, how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favourite author"
Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here. I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature, this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."
They both can't believe it, this has got to be a match made in heaven.
"Ok," the woman says, "well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favourite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favourite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"
The man puts down his fruit and responds,
"It's a date."
Posted on 6/5/25 at 4:54 am to Armymann50
Morning all
Posted on 6/5/25 at 5:54 am to kywildcatfanone
Good morning
Posted on 6/5/25 at 7:01 am to Rockbrc
Good morning all
Posted on 6/5/25 at 8:02 am to Summer of Jimbo
Posted on 6/6/25 at 5:01 am to paperwasp
Today in History: June 6
1523 Gustav Vasa becomes king of Sweden.
1641 Spain loses Portugal.
1813 The United States invasion of Canada is halted at Stony Creek, Ontario.
1941 The U.S. government authorizes the seizure of foreign ships in U.S. ports.
1944 D-Day: Operation Overlord lands 400,000 Allied American, British, and Canadian troops on the beaches of Normandy in German-occupied France.
1961 Swiss psychiatrist Carl Gustav Jung, one of the founders of modern psychiatry, dies.
1985 The body of Nazi war criminal Dr. Josef Mengele is located and exhumed near Sao Paolo, Brazil.
2019 German serial killer nurse Niels Hoegel jailed for a second life sentence for the murder of 85 more people (previously convicted for six). Germany's worst post-war serial killer.
Born on June 6
1872 Alexandra, the last Russian Czarina.
JOTD
This farmer has about 500 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster that he would sell.
The other farmer says, "Yep, I've got this great rooster, named Kenny. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem." Well, Kenny the rooster costs $3,000, a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Kenny.
The farmer takes Kenny home and sets him down in the barnyard, but first he gave the rooster a pep talk "I want you to pace yourself. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me, a lot of money; consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun, "the farmer said, with a chuckle.
Kenny seems to understand, so the farmer points toward the hen house and Kenny takes off like a shot. WHAM! Kenny nails every hen in the hen house - three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked. After that, the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen and, sure enough, Kenny is in there. Later, the farmer sees Kenny after a flock of geese down by the lake. Once again - WHAM! He gets all the geese. By sunset he sees Kenny out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants.
The farmer is distraught and worried that his expensive rooster won't even last 24 hours. Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next morning to find Kenny on his back out in the middle of the yard, mouth open, tongue hanging out and both feet sticking straight up in the air. Buzzards are circling overhead. The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colourful and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, "Oh, Kenny, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself."
Kenny opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky and says "Shhhh, they're getting closer!"
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