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Today in History: May 13

1110 Crusaders march into Beirut causing a bloodbath

1648 Margaret Jones of Plymouth is found guilty of witchcraft and is sentenced to be hanged.

1846 The United States declares war on Mexico after fighting has already begun.

1913 Igor Sikorsky flies the first four-engine aircraft.

1944 Allied forces in Italy break through the German Gustav Line into the Liri Valley.

1981 Pope John Paul II survives an assassination attempt.

2021 American CDC says people fully vaccinated against COVID-19 can stop wearing masks

2021 World's largest iceberg 'A-76' at 1,667-square-miles (4,320 square km) calves off the Ronne Ice Shelf in Antarctica

Born on May 13
1914 Joe Louis, world heavyweight boxing champion from 1937 to 1949.

JOTD
Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance,

Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at maturity of a 12 years old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her so much. “I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married.” She said, “Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant penis.” Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait so Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touch teasing, holding one another. As Sandy put her hands in Jim’s pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room! Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong. She said, “You told me your penis was the size of an infant!” “Yes it is: 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!”

Good morning.

Morning all from Roatan

Today in History: May 14
1264 King Henry III is captured by his brother-in-law, Simon de Montfort, at the Battle of Lewes.

1796 English physician Edward Jenner gives the first successful smallpox vaccination.

1804 The Lewis and Clark Expedition officially begins as the Corps of Discovery departs from St. Charles, Missouri.

1948 Prime Minister David Ben-Gurion establishes the State of Israel.

1969 Three companies of the 101st Airborne Division fail to push North Vietnamese forces off Hill 937 in South Vietnam.

1973 The U.S. space station Skylab is launched.

1998 Seinfeld's final 2-part episode "The Finale" airs on NBC-TV to 76.3M viewers with commercials priced at $2M for 30 seconds

2020 Global death toll from COVID-19 passes 300,000 with 4.4 million confirmed infections

2022 US records one million COVID-19 deaths, with The White House ordering flags to fly at half mast through the weekend

Born on May 14
1944 George Lucas, film director and producer (Star Wars).

JOTD
Guy walks into a bar. He sees a jar full of twenty dollar bills. He asks the bartender what it's for.

"I have a horse in the stable behind the bar. You put in twenty bucks and try to make my horse laugh. If you make him laugh, the whole jar is yours but if you fail then you're out twenty bucks."
So the guy puts in twenty, goes to the stable and a minute later the horse is laughing hysterically. Guy walks back to the bar and without saying a word to the bartender, who has a stupefied look on his face, takes the jar of twenties and leaves.
A year later the same guy comes back to the bar and sees another jar full of twenties. He asks the bartender what it's for this time.
"Well, ever since you came in here last year, my damn horse hasn't stopped laughing. You put in twenty bucks and if you can make him stop laughing the jar is yours."
The guy puts in another twenty and goes to the stable. A minute later, dead silence. Not a sound from the horse. Guy walks back and picks up the jar. As he's about to leave, the bartender says "Hey wait a minute. You gotta tell me how you made my horse laugh and stop laughing when everyone else couldn't do either."
The guy says "The first time I told your horse that my dick is bigger than his. The second time I proved it."

GM my only friends

Thank you waspy it’s only a slight exaggeration.

But my wife and I are “best friends.”

Oh shite I forgot!

Lemme see what I have…

Not the best screenshot but I don’t know how to upload a half minute video.

I’ve never even used the stuff! It’s all lies!

And my name isn’t Hunter or Jackson or whatever TF she said.