re: We can skip all of the other candidates

quote:

---

It’s true. Hunter called me this morning. 3 years, 15 million, with a 500k bonus when we make the playoff. For Lat’s benefit, I’m going to institute an offense considered innovative and effective 10-15 years ago. QB play will not be very good, but we will have a couple of great athletes to cover some of the deficiencies.

To keep Porcine happy, I will begin openly offering high school kids large sums of money, ranging from 5k for kickers and punters, to 250k for quarterbacks. I will go a little higher for special players, but these kids must remember that only I will have the phone numbers to my stable of incredibly hot poon on my University supplied phone.

I have Bobby Petrino coming in as OC, and have given him the authority to hire all the “assistants” he needs, to get his groove back. He will also serve as designated arse chewer for the players.

Brent Venables will be introduced at the 4:00 presser as the new DC, and will be responsible for the pre-game meth distribution to the players, as he obviously has the best recipe.

Hugh Freeze will be our recruiting coordinator, and spiritual leader of the team, and we feel blessed to have him.

I’m also bringing in Lane Kiffin and Art Briles as consultants, who will be in charge of Sorority relations, and team morale.

I look forward to seeing you all at the games, and if you’re still reading this, I want to leave you with this: Woopig, and Epstein didn’t kill himself.

---