What is your initial response to allegations of abuse?

Depends on your position I think, and the nature of the allegation.

I've had two people I supervise accused of sexual harassment and I treated them no different on a personal level. It wasn't my business until the investigation concluded but I did allow them to cut out of work early occasionally to blow off some steam from the stress of it.

About six months ago a woman at work was being terminated for multiple no-shows and accused me and two other males of sexually harassing her...specifically that we were running a pool on who would have sex with her first. I was investigated and exonerated...it was shitty but people didn't act any different around me, though I'm sure there were rumors.

If it was my friend, family, or spouse I would just support them privately and if asked about it publicly say that as far as I know the person, it isn't in my opinion within their character to do such a thing and given our relationship I will support them regardless.

The zero-defect society people are trying to create is stupid. Everyone is going to screw up eventually because we all have flaws. I'm not going to write someone off entirely because they said some lewd things to someone at one point in their life.

I keep thinking of allegations of sexual harassment toward someone I think would be innocent but I’m not sure what I’d do if it was abuse or rape. I don’t have any friends that I think would do those things but I do have some that I could believe would sexually harass someone, or at least say things that could be construed that way and I’m not sure what I’d do. I’d probably still support them. Rape or abuse I don’t know...it would entirely depend on the allegation and person.


...but if you’re in any position of authority over a person like Urban was you can’t just pretend you didn’t hear the allegation. You have to go to authorities with it.

I’ve been skeptical with most of these cases. But then many of the accused have all but admitted their wrongs with written apologies.

I think it today's climate, you have to take the allegations seriously and thoroughly investigate them, especially in an professional environment.

I was involved in one in the mid 90's at an office I interned at over the summer. One of the female managers was accused of sexually harassing a male co-worker. He only raised a stink because his wife caught him flirting back with her sexually suggestive comments. I got roped in because I witnessed a lot of their flirtatious conversations. They fired the guy and the wife filed for divorce soon after.

Personally, I generally believe the women accusers because I've been around men long enough to know how they behave.

The bottom line is that it happens both ways: people do get abused and/or assaulted AND people also make shite up for various reasons as well. I can tell you some crazy stories that people have made up. The main problem that I have with the way society and law enforcement handles these things now days is that the accused is automatically convicted in the court of public opinion in most cases. Even when exonerated after investigation, the damage has already been done. It violates the greatest principle of the American justice system: the presumption on innocence until proven guilty. We now live in a society that has taught people to embrace being a victim whether they truly are or not. In trying to answer your original question, I think the responsibility and accountability needs to lay squarely within the two parties involved because they are the only ones who really know what's going on in the situation. Holding an outside party responsible for not reporting something that you are not directly involved in is just wrong.

Anyone can be crazy even without warning signs. Try to break up with a crazy girl and that's when you know it even though before she had shown no signs.

I always tell people to keep texts and other evidence because it's so unbelievably easy to set up a man since women have a forcefield regarding sexual harassment and assault.