re: my ex left me again and its tearing me apart (Please give me some advice/insight)

You sound just as pathetic this year as you did last year. You are either trolling for attention or you refuse to learn from the past. I have no sympathy for someone who refuses to learn from mistakes. Grow some balls and tell her you're done with her and not to bother you anymore. Then change your number and delete her number. Cut all ties with her or you're going to be a her little bitch until she decides to leave you for good.