re: Who did this?

You drastically overestimate his intellect. If I were he, would I write something like this:

There once was a man named Peaches,
Who had no luck with the beeches,
So he chased after the jocks
And the “chicks” with the cocks,
About clit-dicks there’s much he could teach us. 
 
When his love life hit a dry spell,
His wife’s keys he did propel,
Up onto the roof
Leaving her on the hoof.
Now he’s banned from Taco Bell.
 
This Peaches was very ambitious,
But his wife’s underwear were suspicious,
“Hey there Mister,” said he,
“You got something for MEEEEE!”
Then he left the state with the quickness.

I think not.