Come on man

Which famous German is your SEC school?

Alabama: Arminius

Arminius led a bunch of early Germans to victory in the Battle of the Teutoburg Forest which was basically a butchering of a few Roman Legions in an ambush. Ever since then he's been made out to be some hugely successful mythical hero and shite. Given way more credit than deserved just like Bama.

Arkansas: Hermann Göring

Too easy. Bert is a fat arse. Goring was a fat arse.

Auburn: Heinz Guderian

Guderian "invented" the Blitzkrieg much like Malzahn with the HUNH.

Florida: Hugo Boss

Boss was a fashion designer and real trendsetter in Germany just like Florida with Jorts. He was also a Nazi so he was horrible, just like Florida.

Georgia: Alfred Hugenberg

Hugenberg was an old school German who thought he was on the cusp of taking power by creating a coalition with Hitler. He was so close but his time never came, just like Georgia.

Kentucky: Franz Ferdinand

The Austrians are arguably Germans but people seem to forget that just like people often forget Kentucky. Ferdinand is only really notable for getting murdered also just like Kentucky.

LSU: Martin Luther

Luther was a key figure in the protestant reformation that swept a way a bunch of stuffy Catholic rules and opened the door for partying. He loved beer too: “Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep; whoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Thus, let us drink beer!” LSU fans are famous partiers and drunkards just like Luther. Most of them are Catholics so this is the obvious choice in the jimmy rustling department.

Ole Miss: Richard Wagner

Wagner was a really classy guy. He composed that "ride of the valkyries" song we all know and also came up with what is arguably the inspiration for the lord of the rings, the "Der Ring des Nibelungen". He was also kind of racist and Hitler, who was really kind of racist, absolutely loved Wagner's jams.

Mississippi State: Group award - The Volga Germans

Catherine the Great of Russia, originally being from Germany, invited a bunch of poor German farmers to settle on a shitty river in the middle of no where in Russia. It was terrible and their lives sucked. A lot of them then emigrated to Kansas. Those that stayed got forcibly moved by Stalin to Kazakhstan. Sucks to be a Volga German.

Missouri: Immanuel Kant

Kant was a crazy philosopher (just like killz) from Königsberg, the yankee part of what was once Germany.

South Carolina: Otto von Bismarck

Through careful diplomacy and calculated conflict Bismarck engineered the rise of Prussia and the formation of the German Empire, much like SC engineered the evolution of the American South.

Texas A&M: Ludwig II

Ludwig was king of Bavaria and Bavaria is often called the Texas of Germany. Ludwig was also thought to have been gay, the Aggies are gay.

Tennessee: Francis II

Francis' Habsburg family used to run shite in Germany. They held the HRE throne for nearly three hundred years then it all fell apart when Francis got his shite kicked in by Napoleon much like Tennessee's recent crash and burn.

Vanderbilt: Albert Einstein

Nerds. Pretty simple.