re: "Young male" jumps off North Parking deck by Old Row

Sometimes you reach a point of ideal happiness for a small time period, maybe a couple years. Then something happens to you in one night or over the course of a couple weeks/months and/or you do something you can't take back. You maybe lose a couple of other pieces that were the foundation of that happiness, and it's suddenly gone.

You want it back but you can't figure out how you lost it, what is wrong with you or the mistakes you made. You can't fathom all of those pieces coming together again like they miraculously did. It haunts you everyday, every holiday, and when you finally do take your mind off it you see one of the many reminders in the city. You try to fill your life with activities to take your mind off of it but your job makes it difficult to have the energy or drive to do those things. People say you have so much going for you with such a great job with limitless potential, supercars, an apartment in a primetime spot, a fit body, electronics galore...put your possessions mean little to you and you would give them all away just to be happy like you were again. You're getting older and tired of trying to accept what happened and reach that happiness again, still thinking about the epic collapse of losing it before. You think, why even try to reach that ideal happiness again if I will feel this pain losing it a second time and will not survive another tragic fall from grace. You don't seek help from fewer friends you now have as you don't want to be judged, you don't want to hear "you need to get help" when you know it doesn't fricking work, you get limited sessions until it's costly and your employer can't be aware you're there or be on any associated meds (urinalysis) or you lose your job.

You don't want your family to know you're in constant pain. Your soulmate, the person you loved with everything (and one of the pieces of that happiness you had) that had suddenly left one day, you finding out after you were gone for 3 weeks when she was talking about kids before you left; she cut you off that day so you assume she no longer cares what happens to you and you don't even know them anymore. You think the therapists are full of shite, feeding you some unproven theoretical talking points and don't want to lose your job. You don't drink alone because you're afraid of who you'll call, what you'll say. You have no significant other because you don't want to put someone through that and you already drove the love of your life away and to someone else because of who you are and what you did after they left. You just try to stay busy and deal with it alone when you're at home with your phone silent, your friends in other cities, thinking everyone else seemingly having that happiness you had.

Those circumstances in which you were happy won't likely simultaneously all come together again. You feel like you will never escape the torment of being unhappy, you don't want to try to build it again as it is exhausting, an enduring climb, and risky if you were to lose it again. You start every day with 'I will find it again' only to reach nightfall everyday with the demons awaiting nearby as you fall asleep by yourself, remembering the happiness you had, how you wish so much you were back in that reality, and how hard it is now.

Sometimes that daily mental pain in the head, that you've many times think you've conquered and moved on from, masks itself only to reappear when you think it's gone, pinballing around sometimes for hours and days at a time is too much. You want it gone but it seems nothing works and nothing anyone says to you works. When you are mentally weak, sometimes you want the easy way out. You don't want to end it all as you hold out an infinitesimally small hope something will happen, parents that gave up so much for you and a brother who needs you through life. Still you think, why me, why this pain without remedy every single day, why can it never go away? Just one of many examples of how people reach this point.