WARNING: LONG CONSPIRACY POST. SKIP IF YOU HAVE ADHD

I wonder if the following conversation actually happened:

SEC "come on in"
Oklahoma "we'll think about it, but we want fairness"
SEC "we're fair"
Oklahoma "yeah, we've heard that before. Prove it"
SEC "how?"
Oklahoma "you serious about this? Ok, what's your plan?
SEC "we want you, and to go to 16"
Oklahoma "ok, we'll come, but you gotta take 3 others from the Big 8. We brought these cats in, we owe them"
SEC "no way. You're pretty, but not that pretty"
Oklahoma "ok, point taken. 2, plus A&M. We know you want them, we can pry them free of Texas"
SEC "interesting... so we already know you're bringing your baby brother in. Who else you propose?"
Oklahoma "Missouri" <laughing, trying to call SEC bluff>
SEC "Missouri? You serious? Why?"
Oklahoma "consider it proof things will be equal. You already have Vandy, let's see if you treat Missouri nice too. If you can do that, we have a deal next Christmas"
SEC "we're not taking Mizzou on faith alone. And we aren't taking them with OSU either. A&M at LEAST, just in case you screw us"
Oklahoma "ok, fine. We swing A&M, you take Mizzou. We like what we see, we're in"
SEC "you hose us, you're going down with Texas"
Oklahoma "we know. We were anyway. Trust us, we don't owe them anything. See you next Christmas. 2013 will be a good year"

<handshake>