Started By
Message
Potential FIL
Posted on 6/16/16 at 7:38 pm
Posted on 6/16/16 at 7:38 pm
Long story short I am black and my girlfriend is white. My family has met her and we all love her. We met in college and are both currently 22. I have been dating her for 2 years. Her family is from a small town in south Ga. I have met both her mom and grandmother who approve of and like me. I am currently employed as a teacher and am actually pursuing my Master's with her at the moment. Her father isn't the most open-minded and me allowing her space, she took till this week to tell him fully about me. She is completely independent from him and the family and has been supporting herself fine. She did think it was time he knew just because of the anxiety she carried. He now believes she is a disgrace to the family etc. However he wants to meet and have dinner with me and her tomorrow. My issue comes with the fact that he wants to meet and have dinner at a family members place in their hometown. I don't feel comfortable with it and neither does she. I told her I would gladly pay the bill for us all to eat in a public place in a populated city near by. I'm no coward but I believe taking him out of an environment he could lose it is in my best interest.
Best way to get this across without sounding offensive?
EDIT****
Dinner was cancelled due to some family health stuff. He wanted the whole family there and they couldn't make it so he just went to eat with her. She said he even almost called me her boyfriend lol. Either way we will have dinner the week after next hopefully. I think he will be ok hopefully.
Update **
Tonight happens to be my SI's birthday. It will also be the first time that we all have dinner together officially. I am actually ready to just meet those who I haven't and see how it goes. I am reserved as usual about the reception I may get but it's about time. Turns out we will be at a local place
Anyhow I'll update about how it goes.
Best way to get this across without sounding offensive?
EDIT****
Dinner was cancelled due to some family health stuff. He wanted the whole family there and they couldn't make it so he just went to eat with her. She said he even almost called me her boyfriend lol. Either way we will have dinner the week after next hopefully. I think he will be ok hopefully.
Update **
Tonight happens to be my SI's birthday. It will also be the first time that we all have dinner together officially. I am actually ready to just meet those who I haven't and see how it goes. I am reserved as usual about the reception I may get but it's about time. Turns out we will be at a local place
Anyhow I'll update about how it goes. This post was edited on 7/5/16 at 3:25 pm
23
Posted on 6/16/16 at 7:40 pm to dwgsfrlife7673
We have discussed and are planning on being married might I add. So we are all in about the relationship. I love her dearly as does she obviously.
Posted on 6/16/16 at 7:43 pm to dwgsfrlife7673
Will she be there? I'd probably just go. He may try to intimidate you, but don't lose your cool. If it's too bad, thank them for the opportunity to meet and politely excuse yourself.
Posted on 6/16/16 at 7:46 pm to Evolved Simian
She will be with me. She's just very emotional and they demeen her consistently. So it'll be me more so being brave for both of us. I honestly think I may have to do that too. She is supposed to be staying with me that night so we can go to vacation but he's trying to get her to stay the night suddenly ??
Posted on 6/16/16 at 7:47 pm to dwgsfrlife7673
I would try throwing out a restaurant and see if they go for it but wouldn't be too abrasive and obvious about not wanting to go there. Like he said, he will probably try and intimidate you to some degree but that's not uncommon anyway. Just be you and if he likes you cool, if not oh well. I would doubt he is dumb enough to really try anything, especially with his daughter present.
Posted on 6/16/16 at 7:51 pm to AA7
I'll try my best to say it in a respectful manner. I believe in loving my enemy so even if he is disrespectful I don't want to lose my composure. He will no doubt try and glare me down but I don't plan on stepping down. He doesn't have to like me just respect I love his daughter.
Posted on 6/16/16 at 7:52 pm to dwgsfrlife7673
Is the dinner to meet?
Maybe just a lunch to start. That way you don't have to stay as long, but can if it goes well. Public place fort sure, but maybe let him pick.
Maybe just a lunch to start. That way you don't have to stay as long, but can if it goes well. Public place fort sure, but maybe let him pick.
Posted on 6/16/16 at 7:53 pm to NYCAuburn
He wants to do dinner. I want to do lunch. I feel it's less formal and stuffy.
Posted on 6/16/16 at 7:54 pm to dwgsfrlife7673
Right, and I wouldn't go in with hopes that you will leave with him loving you. It's more than likely something that will take time for him to come to grips with and fully accept. You seem to have the right mindset and idea of how to go about it.
Posted on 6/16/16 at 7:55 pm to NYCAuburn
I'm not steeping foot in any place private he feels comfortable. I've already decided that.
Posted on 6/16/16 at 7:55 pm to dwgsfrlife7673
Are you takings lasses currently? If so you could use the big paper excuse for no dinner.
Posted on 6/16/16 at 7:56 pm to AA7
Oh after how heartbroken he was after she said she was dating me I don't particularly need him liking me. I just want to meet, show him I can support and love his daughter regardless of my color, and call it a day.
Posted on 6/16/16 at 7:57 pm to NYCAuburn
Currently enrolled in two. I could pull that truthfully.
Posted on 6/16/16 at 7:57 pm to dwgsfrlife7673
do you mind me asking what part of south Ga? I'm marrying into a family from there and probably moving there next year so I'm just curious
As far as advice, He is probably pissed off about being lied to (not knowing you're black) which i could kinda understand. Not saying i would care if my future child dated someone of a different race but it would really hurt my feelings if she didn't feel like she could tell me the truth. but you mentioned he talks down to her so it is probably deserved to withhold info from him..but like others have said just be polite but also hold your ground. You have other family members' support so that should help you
Good luck and give us an update
As far as advice, He is probably pissed off about being lied to (not knowing you're black) which i could kinda understand. Not saying i would care if my future child dated someone of a different race but it would really hurt my feelings if she didn't feel like she could tell me the truth. but you mentioned he talks down to her so it is probably deserved to withhold info from him..but like others have said just be polite but also hold your ground. You have other family members' support so that should help you
Good luck and give us an update
This post was edited on 6/16/16 at 8:00 pm
Posted on 6/16/16 at 7:58 pm to dwgsfrlife7673
I'll admit, it's kind of an awkward position to put the two of you in. His house is one thing, but I don't understand wanting to meet at a relative's home? (Is this one of her siblings or something?)
One thing I've noticed about south Georgia, is that even though the black and white populations are about equal in many of the counties, there is an inherent distrust of other races that permeates everything.
You're probably not going to change his mind about you, but you and the girlfriend should talk about what to expect when you are there and have an understanding that you will act in solidarity.
One thing I've noticed about south Georgia, is that even though the black and white populations are about equal in many of the counties, there is an inherent distrust of other races that permeates everything.
You're probably not going to change his mind about you, but you and the girlfriend should talk about what to expect when you are there and have an understanding that you will act in solidarity.
Posted on 6/16/16 at 7:58 pm to dwgsfrlife7673
Well hopefully it works out for you man. Some people just have a stigma of a stereotype that they can't look past. Hoping he can look past the pigment of your skin.
Posted on 6/16/16 at 7:59 pm to dwgsfrlife7673
I don't blame you for not wanting to meet there. But it is a sticky situation. He's obviously a racist but is he a total redneck? Loser? Hothead? Prone to violence? I think the answer to those questions should help decide whether it's a safe situation.
Posted on 6/16/16 at 7:59 pm to DocHoliday11
It's such a small town I really hate to name it because if anyone saw this they'd know. It's near Columbus, Ga though.
I just want to be composed and get through it. I know it'll be a meal of glares and side remarks likely.
I just want to be composed and get through it. I know it'll be a meal of glares and side remarks likely.
Posted on 6/16/16 at 8:02 pm to piggilicious
agree....OP kinda makes it seem like he's scared of meeting at the father's or relative's house...as if his safety in question...if that is the case then don't even try being overly polite to him or even try to make him like you... just don't be a jackass, get in, and get out
Posted on 6/16/16 at 8:02 pm to Evolved Simian
It's his ex-wife's home. Her mother who likes me. Still it just isn't a place I feel too comfortable being in. Small county where the police and everyone knows each other screams trouble if anything happens.
Like I said I really don't need or even really want him to like me. He just needs to know I'm here to stay and she will be well taken care of.
Like I said I really don't need or even really want him to like me. He just needs to know I'm here to stay and she will be well taken care of.
Page 1 of 14
Popular
Back to top
Follow SECRant for SEC Football News