re: The life and times of Harvey Updyke (dude that poisoned the trees at Auburn)

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The big difference is that the masses think like Updyke.

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He begins rattling off pranks. Texas A&M fans stealing the Texas Longhorn and branding it with a score of a game, and Texas rebranding the word "Bevo" over it, hence the mascot's name. Army-Navy, he says, and a kidnapped goat that was painted pink. One that Rice pulled on Texas.

"What do you think is different?" I ask.

"Me, personally," he says, "I don't think it's a whole lot different."

I don't know what to say at first. I look across the table and decide he's serious.

"Except they didn't shoot Bevo," I say, finally.

Al from Dadeville blows right through that.

"They already knew the trees were dying," he says. "Every time they throw toilet paper in there, they take a high pressure water sprayer and wash if off. That's also killing the trees."

I ask if he understands why so many people are mad.

"I get it," he says. "I understand completely why they're pissed. You know, they've been s---ting on Bear Bryant's grave for 30 years. That's a felony, and they're not doing anything about that. They vandalized Nick Saban's lake house. Painted it orange and blue."

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"I'll be honest with you," he says. "If an Auburn fan had destroyed Bear Bryant's statue and the guy is 62 years old and is in real bad health, I swear to God, I would not expect and would not want him to go to prison. Probation, five years. Ten years. Replace it. A thousand hours of community service."

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Of course not. And his last quote about someone destroying Bear's statue? This dumbass poisoned the trees after someone pissed him off on a radio call-in show. If an Auburn fan destroyed Bear's statue, Updyke would go Jack Ruby on them...and then expect the entire Bama fanbase to honor him as a hero.

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The Tuscaloosa police responded to a call placed by Terry Saban Sunday morning after Alabama lost it's sixth straight to Auburn.

Aparently someone tried to egg the Head Coaches home. Police found an empty egg carton on the ground outside Saban’s house. It seems that 2 eggs hit Saban’s house, 3 eggs went over his house and hit his neighbor’s back door, 2 hit his neighbor’s house to the left, 2 hit his neighbor’s house to the right, and 3 were found broken on the ground near where the carton was located. After seeing all this, the police have named their number one suspect as John Parker Wilson.

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