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OT: Advice needed
Posted on 9/20/14 at 6:25 am
Posted on 9/20/14 at 6:25 am
Having been on here for a while, I feel I can come here for some solid advice. Not saying that I would follow it, but serious ones would be part of the equation.
So here is the issue: My wife is active duty USN and retires in 2017 ( my time has passed). Anyway, she has received orders to Charletson (we live just outside of Savannah) her rotation date is DEC 2015, which would give her roughly 20 months at the new command (less than that with terminal leave).
Now comes the hard part. We have two young children. Do we uproot them in mid school year to go a new one only to do the same a year later? We are going to retire here, though. Then there is my job - do I leave it and try to come back again less than 20 months ( I work for a major manufacturer here) later? Obviously I would have to find a new job because they wouldn't hold mine.
Or, do we just stay here in our house (purchased, not rental) while my wife comes back on the weekends (come home Fridays and return Monday mornings - two hour drive)? Which would really, really suck but might be more stable for the kids. We have family here which would help ease things. That way, the kids would stay in school and I wouldn't have to worry about the whole job hunt thing. Mrs. Spiff thought that if we did go, that we would return before the following school year started - giving us real time less than a year in Charleston.
Any responsible advice would be greatly welcomed. We are conflicted and go back and forth on what to do...which is why some outside opinions can make sense, too. Thanks, guys.
So here is the issue: My wife is active duty USN and retires in 2017 ( my time has passed). Anyway, she has received orders to Charletson (we live just outside of Savannah) her rotation date is DEC 2015, which would give her roughly 20 months at the new command (less than that with terminal leave).
Now comes the hard part. We have two young children. Do we uproot them in mid school year to go a new one only to do the same a year later? We are going to retire here, though. Then there is my job - do I leave it and try to come back again less than 20 months ( I work for a major manufacturer here) later? Obviously I would have to find a new job because they wouldn't hold mine.
Or, do we just stay here in our house (purchased, not rental) while my wife comes back on the weekends (come home Fridays and return Monday mornings - two hour drive)? Which would really, really suck but might be more stable for the kids. We have family here which would help ease things. That way, the kids would stay in school and I wouldn't have to worry about the whole job hunt thing. Mrs. Spiff thought that if we did go, that we would return before the following school year started - giving us real time less than a year in Charleston.
Any responsible advice would be greatly welcomed. We are conflicted and go back and forth on what to do...which is why some outside opinions can make sense, too. Thanks, guys.
This post was edited on 9/20/14 at 6:27 am
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Posted on 9/20/14 at 6:34 am to Spaceman Spiff
Never split up your family if you can avoid it.
Get a job at Boeing.
Rent a house the first year.
Research the school districts.
Pay extra to have kids in better schools.
Have her get a job at Spawar after she retires.
I know the XO at the nuke school here...
Get a job at Boeing.
Rent a house the first year.
Research the school districts.
Pay extra to have kids in better schools.
Have her get a job at Spawar after she retires.
I know the XO at the nuke school here...
Posted on 9/20/14 at 6:42 am to Peter Buck
I think you shouldn't split up the family either. You definitely could get a job at Boeing but Charleston is real expensive and I'm sorry to say the public education system sucks. Bad.
I have a friend who travels to savannah every weekend to see the kids and it's not that bad of a drive.
I have a friend who travels to savannah every weekend to see the kids and it's not that bad of a drive.
Posted on 9/20/14 at 7:00 am to Spaceman Spiff
What are your job prospects if you moved? Could you find something equivalent up there and then turn around and find a decent job again when you move back?
Posted on 9/20/14 at 7:07 am to Charlestondawg
There are some bad districts and good ones. There also are some excellent magnet schools. My kids go to/ graduated from PG which is private, but I sent them to Buist Academy for a while when they were younger which is public and highly rated. Its not like Savannah has great public schools accross the board. There are actually some newer, more affordable master developments near the Nuke School. A lot of my employees live in Cane Bay district and really like it. Charleston's housiing costs more than Savannah mainly because there are more jobs and the Industrial growth has been managed well.
Posted on 9/20/14 at 7:11 am to Peter Buck
Stay put with the kids. She needs to get a Prius.
Posted on 9/20/14 at 7:17 am to Spaceman Spiff
I have had a 1.5 hour 1-way commute for 9 years.
Obviously I wouldn't recommend a permanent lifestyle change to this, but seeing as how this is a temporary condition, I'd say just have her commute. It sucks alot, at first, but you get used to it after a couple months. She sacrifices alot of time, say 2 hours a day more than working locally (because you still would have 30 minutes-ish with a local job, right?), but it's less sacrifice than moving.
Obviously I wouldn't recommend a permanent lifestyle change to this, but seeing as how this is a temporary condition, I'd say just have her commute. It sucks alot, at first, but you get used to it after a couple months. She sacrifices alot of time, say 2 hours a day more than working locally (because you still would have 30 minutes-ish with a local job, right?), but it's less sacrifice than moving.
Posted on 9/20/14 at 7:58 am to Spaceman Spiff
Tough situation. My wife and I have had to do the living apart thing several times, at one point it was only a 2-2.5hr drive and I went to see her every weekend like you mentioned and, while it certainly wasn't ideal, it was only for about 2 years. Helped that she was still in Athens then and spending every weekend in Athens isn't the end of the world 
.
We don't have kids yet though and I definitely think that would've changed the situation for us. I would lean toward the other suggestions that avoiding splitting up the family is definitely worth it even if it results in a long commute or the pain in the arse of relocating temporarily. Are the kids old enough that they would understand why she wasn't there during the week?
And with regard to the kids and school, I understand the concern about moving them several times like that. But, do you think they'd rather have stability with school or with their parents? (not stability necessarily but you know what I mean).
Regardless of what you decide, as long as y'all talk about it beforehand you can make it work and just realize it's temporary, that always has helped us.
. We don't have kids yet though and I definitely think that would've changed the situation for us. I would lean toward the other suggestions that avoiding splitting up the family is definitely worth it even if it results in a long commute or the pain in the arse of relocating temporarily. Are the kids old enough that they would understand why she wasn't there during the week?
And with regard to the kids and school, I understand the concern about moving them several times like that. But, do you think they'd rather have stability with school or with their parents? (not stability necessarily but you know what I mean).
Regardless of what you decide, as long as y'all talk about it beforehand you can make it work and just realize it's temporary, that always has helped us.
Posted on 9/20/14 at 8:02 am to deeprig9
I think I would lean toward commuting as well. It's no different than people who travel all the time for work. My dad basically lived in other cities Mon-Fri for a large part of my childhood. He actually had his own apartment in the northeast for 3 of those years.
At least yours would be temporary.
I like the Prius idea.
At least yours would be temporary.
I like the Prius idea.
Posted on 9/20/14 at 8:16 am to Spaceman Spiff
Depends on how strong your marriage is and where the kids are in school (grade, district quality, special talent program there or here like music or gymnastics). That drove me to geo-batch. My 2 oldest kids are high school, honors, high GPA and musicians and hopefully UGA bound. The district at the location where I just took command could not keep them challenged enough and would possibly cause them to backtrack. My youngest is middle school, also gifted and in gymnastics. All that rolled up into us trading up, moving them to Oconee County from my previous base and me taking this one last command. It SUCKS because I miss them but 24 mos will go by fast and it was the right thing for us. The whole single parent gig back home is stressful. Might not be for you or your family. It is an intense decision for sure.
Posted on 9/20/14 at 11:56 am to Brick67
If you are 100% sure you want to retire in savannah and stay in the same house I think you move for the year and rent in charleston and rent out your house in savannah. Then moving back is easy. Changing schools will be tough but in the long term will be a blip. If you aren't set on staying in the same house then sell and move (still rent in charleston at first) and then decide what you want to do long term in a year or two. You never know you might like charleston and decide to stay. It's still close to the fam in savannah. Of course your own job prospects must be taken in to account. You could always commute back to savannah until that gets lined up. Splitting up the fam is not ideal imo.
Posted on 9/20/14 at 12:05 pm to Spaceman Spiff
What's the longest your wife has ever been away from your kids?
I think you're going to have to move. A mother can't be away from her young children for that long. It would kill her......
I think you're going to have to move. A mother can't be away from her young children for that long. It would kill her......
Posted on 9/20/14 at 2:07 pm to Jefferson Dawg
I worked in Atlanta for two and a half years, commuting from Athens. Two hours in, two hours back. It's not that bad.
Posted on 9/20/14 at 2:09 pm to Spaceman Spiff
For the long haul I think you need to stay put IMO. If you all were much younger it might be different but since you already are where you are going to be anyway for the long term I wouldn't uproot everyone for that short of a period of time.
There is a caveat--I'm also assuming your relationship with your wife is solid. If not, and this is just from having some clients in the military in the position of being apart for a long time where the relationship isn't solid, then being separated for that length of time might not be the best thing to do; otherwise, stay where you are because y'all will hopefully have many more happy years together.
/s/ Abby
There is a caveat--I'm also assuming your relationship with your wife is solid. If not, and this is just from having some clients in the military in the position of being apart for a long time where the relationship isn't solid, then being separated for that length of time might not be the best thing to do; otherwise, stay where you are because y'all will hopefully have many more happy years together.
/s/ Abby
Posted on 9/22/14 at 7:44 am to Litigator
Thanks guys for all of the great replies. Fortunately, we have a bit before we have to make our decision. A great deal was discussed this weekend, and as of now, the wife is leaning towards geo-batching it and coming back on Friday's and leaving early on Monday's to go back. Our marriage is solid and there are no issues on that end. The school that my son is in is in the top ten elementary school - which my daughter will go to when she gets old enough. As for my job, I currently work for a major aircraft manufacturer and have a great job, with great potential. Leaving that for an unknown and then trying to get one coming back wouldn't be ideal - because they won't hold it for me. Also, family support here would go a long way in helping out.
The sad thing is, in our current state, is that my wife only sees the kids for two, maybe three hours, on the weeknights - she is stationed in Beaufort and drives back and for everyday. She retires in 2017 - but already has 21 years in. She just made Commander, so she has to do a bit at that rank in order to get those benefits.
For now, those are our thoughts. But they can change at a moment's notice...
@Peter Buck - that sounds like a great plan, but my wife is medical (Nurse) and I am not sure that SPAWAR has those kinds of openings. Will keep that in mind, though. Thanks!
@Jefferson - she really has only been away from them for a couple of weeks at the most on TADs. If we do as we are thinking, then she would only be away on the weekdays.
The sad thing is, in our current state, is that my wife only sees the kids for two, maybe three hours, on the weeknights - she is stationed in Beaufort and drives back and for everyday. She retires in 2017 - but already has 21 years in. She just made Commander, so she has to do a bit at that rank in order to get those benefits.
For now, those are our thoughts. But they can change at a moment's notice...
@Peter Buck - that sounds like a great plan, but my wife is medical (Nurse) and I am not sure that SPAWAR has those kinds of openings. Will keep that in mind, though. Thanks!
@Jefferson - she really has only been away from them for a couple of weeks at the most on TADs. If we do as we are thinking, then she would only be away on the weekdays.
This post was edited on 9/22/14 at 7:51 am
Posted on 9/22/14 at 9:23 am to Spaceman Spiff
DO the weekend mom thing. If you plan on retiring in Savannah and living there (great plan by the way) simply treat the 20 months as a deployment down range with the benefit of being in the states and close enough to home to get back in an emergency and when she is off work. As much leave as military people get she will be home about as much as not most likely.
Military families are unreal in their ability to overcome adversity. Military spouses are the backbone of that ability...and husbands do not get near the credit or support that they earn for keeping our female soldiers, sailors and airmen viable. Thank you, thank your wife and thank your children for the sacrifices (very real ones) that all of you make for the rest of us. Most Americans do not realize the things that military people, and their families especially, deal with on a regular basis and, if they don't get divorced pretty quickly, do it with no whining and without even taking note of it for the most part.
Good Luck!!
Military families are unreal in their ability to overcome adversity. Military spouses are the backbone of that ability...and husbands do not get near the credit or support that they earn for keeping our female soldiers, sailors and airmen viable. Thank you, thank your wife and thank your children for the sacrifices (very real ones) that all of you make for the rest of us. Most Americans do not realize the things that military people, and their families especially, deal with on a regular basis and, if they don't get divorced pretty quickly, do it with no whining and without even taking note of it for the most part.
Good Luck!!
Posted on 9/22/14 at 9:51 am to germandawg
Don't move. The kids will adjust to the schedule and the 20 months will fly by.
Posted on 9/22/14 at 10:03 am to Spaceman Spiff
Sounds like you have already made the decision. The simplest course of action is usually the best. Good luck. Here's hoping everything works out well for you guys. Be thankful you both have viable jobs/careers; many do not.
Posted on 9/22/14 at 10:18 am to Spaceman Spiff
have her be a geo bachelor and come home on weekends....thats what i would do...especially since savannah and charleston are so close...
oh and Spawar sucks....i am a contractor for them..
oh and Spawar sucks....i am a contractor for them..
Posted on 9/22/14 at 10:34 am to SthGADawg
Im active duty myself and maybe I will change my tune towards the end of my career (7 years currently) but I never volunterily seperate from my wife and daughter. Between deployments and TDY's I miss alot already and I personally feel it doesn't matter where I am having the family there is best for all of us. However in your situation I think only you can answer whats best for your family I can see the plus and minus of either decision.
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