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re: Your best wife story
Posted on 10/3/16 at 2:47 pm to Cheese Grits
Posted on 10/3/16 at 2:47 pm to Cheese Grits
a few years after being married, my wife had put on some weight. i wasn't happy about it, but i kept my mouth shut.
one day i come home from work and microwave my dinner (wife couldn't cook). while i'm waiting around, she comes into the kitchen and starts bitching about something, i don't remember what.
what i do remember is me losing it at that moment. i told her she was a fat bitch that couldn't cook and she needed to pick one thing to be good at because you can't be a fat bitch that can't cook.
she's pretty, and was fine as hell when we got married. i just had to put my foot down and tell her that she either needed to lose weight, clean up her attitude or learn to cook. just one, just wanted her to pick one of the three.
a few months later we got divorced. been happy ever since.
one day i come home from work and microwave my dinner (wife couldn't cook). while i'm waiting around, she comes into the kitchen and starts bitching about something, i don't remember what.
what i do remember is me losing it at that moment. i told her she was a fat bitch that couldn't cook and she needed to pick one thing to be good at because you can't be a fat bitch that can't cook.
she's pretty, and was fine as hell when we got married. i just had to put my foot down and tell her that she either needed to lose weight, clean up her attitude or learn to cook. just one, just wanted her to pick one of the three.
a few months later we got divorced. been happy ever since.
This post was edited on 10/3/16 at 2:48 pm
1
Posted on 10/3/16 at 3:03 pm to RightHook
quote:
she either needed to lose weight, clean up her attitude or learn to cook
Is "clean up her attitude" code for better BJ's?
Posted on 10/3/16 at 3:20 pm to Cheese Grits
i wish it would've been. she was just a bitch, which i didn't mind either way when she was thin.
Posted on 10/4/16 at 6:19 am to Cheese Grits
A billion years ago my first wife asked me why pecan trees were planted in a straight line at exactly the same distance apart. I told her that if pecan trees were any closer their roots would grab each other and actually pull one another back into the ground. The subject was never mentioned again..and of course I forgot about it.
Fast forward 25 years and I get a very embarrassed and irate ex-wife calling me and fussing that she explained this to a group of peers at work.......
Fast forward 25 years and I get a very embarrassed and irate ex-wife calling me and fussing that she explained this to a group of peers at work.......
Posted on 10/4/16 at 8:33 am to jeffsdad
quote:
Fast forward 25 years and I get a very embarrassed and irate ex-wife calling me and fussing that she explained this to a group of peers at work.......
Posted on 10/4/16 at 9:09 am to SanAg
quote:
Where's the ending? I want to know what happened!
i go in, settle down, show the wife which one is the shotgun and go outside talk to the guy. basically he was surviving off of VA and military paychecks and whatever his wife was doing. at that moment she kicked him out and he had nowhere to go nor money. we made him some food and gave him money for an overnight hotel. he apologized for the whole thing and left.
the next day one of the other neighbors on the other side of them came over and asked what the deal was. we gave our side and he just laughed. he said they were BSC and she was always talking about that whore next door her husband was looking at. said that he could always hear them yelling at each other. she got evicted the next day.
we saw them again at a restaurant in town and she came over to wish us well (still with the dude amazingly) like nothing ever happened. as she walked off the poor dude stayed behind and mouthed, "i'm so sorry." and they walked off.
living in an old neighborhood is interesting. i have millionaire surgeon neighbors and a dude who lived at the same duplex who was a weed dealer. best neighbor i've ever had. he knows i wouldn't say anything and he helped me move stuff and watch the house when we were out of town. currently there is another WT tweaker family at another rental close to us who thinks we're BFFs. i'm thinking of burning the house down after they get evicted so that nobody else will live there.
i have about 10 walls of texts about that dude.
This post was edited on 10/4/16 at 9:13 am
Posted on 10/4/16 at 1:15 pm to Sancho Panza
quote:
One day I was outside, sitting in a beach chair, smoking a fine Havana, and watching my wife cut the grass. The lady across the street makes a beeline toward me, and upon arriving in front of me, exclaims "You ought to be hung!" To which I reply, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass."
I will have to use this next time it happens to me
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