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Who would your alter-ego be in the Witness Protection Program?

Posted on 4/3/15 at 12:23 pm
Posted by genro
Member since Nov 2011
61788 posts
Posted on 4/3/15 at 12:23 pm
The mob thinks you snitched on them. You gotta get away or you're gonna get whacked. Witness Program lets you pick your new name, where you go, what you do, etc.* Gotta keep it low profile though.


*this is a message board for fun, suspend your disbelief
This post was edited on 4/3/15 at 12:27 pm
Posted by Agforlife
Somewhere in the Brazos Valley
Member since Nov 2012
20102 posts
Posted on 4/3/15 at 12:26 pm to
I don't snitch so I guess I'd be in prison





Eta: but I'll play along, John Smith, somewhere in the South or Southwest, and have them set me up with a hardware store or something similar
This post was edited on 4/3/15 at 12:29 pm
Posted by genro
Member since Nov 2011
61788 posts
Posted on 4/3/15 at 12:27 pm to
I edited it for you

ETA: and you can't reason with the mob
This post was edited on 4/3/15 at 12:28 pm
Posted by Supravol22
Member since Jan 2011
14411 posts
Posted on 4/3/15 at 12:31 pm to
Jesus Condom

Canada

Male Model
Posted by Robert Goulet
Member since Jan 2013
9999 posts
Posted on 4/3/15 at 12:35 pm to
My name would be Josiah McCulloch. A purveyor of designer cupcakes with a penchant for danger and a taste for fine bourbon and cheap hookers. I would move to Bellingham, WA.

I would drive a '92 Geo Metro with spinners and a vanity plate that reads: V,B
Posted by Porter Osborne Jr
Member since Sep 2012
39972 posts
Posted on 4/3/15 at 12:45 pm to
My new name would be Ron Mexico and I'd move to the Northwest somewhere and learn a trade.
Posted by BallstotheWesleyWall
Swagosphere
Member since Jan 2014
9364 posts
Posted on 4/3/15 at 1:41 pm to
Name: J.W. Hilberry
Location: shite, no Key West. I guess, Brentwood, TN.
Occupation: Newfoundland breeder.
Posted by genro
Member since Nov 2011
61788 posts
Posted on 4/3/15 at 2:23 pm to
Interesting.

You're gonna go to Tennessee and be a Newfoundland breeder.

Supravol is gonna go to Newfoundland and be a Tennessee breeder
Posted by Stir of Echoes
SD, LA, OC, and the Inland Empire.
Member since Feb 2015
1052 posts
Posted on 4/3/15 at 2:31 pm to
Posted by Prof
Member since Jun 2013
42610 posts
Posted on 4/3/15 at 2:52 pm to
Something like Joe Smith, John Jones, Roy Johnson, Prince Jefferson, or Jae Lee. That's a good mix of boring + a some ethnic sounding names.

I'm less sure about where I'd go and what I'd do but I feel pretty confident those names would give some cover for a good amount of time.
Posted by BallstotheWesleyWall
Swagosphere
Member since Jan 2014
9364 posts
Posted on 4/3/15 at 2:52 pm to


Alright, I'll switch it up. I'll go to Lookout Mountain, Ga. and breed Great Danes.
Posted by RogerTheShrubber
Juneau, AK
Member since Jan 2009
259906 posts
Posted on 4/3/15 at 3:39 pm to
Myron Weinerslitz

Guide

Stanley Idaho.
Posted by Mizzeaux
Worshington
Member since Jun 2012
13893 posts
Posted on 4/3/15 at 4:34 pm to
Scott Baskin/Martin/Buckingham (nobody ever pays attention to a Scott)

Fajardo, PR

Island Hopper Pilot flying Britten-Norman Islanders and running a small kiosk in Luquillo that sells pretzels.
This post was edited on 4/3/15 at 4:34 pm
Posted by Kentucker
Cincinnati, KY
Member since Apr 2013
19351 posts
Posted on 4/3/15 at 7:37 pm to
Walter White

Chemistry teacher

Albuquerque, NM
Posted by Masterag
'Round Dallas
Member since Sep 2014
18798 posts
Posted on 4/3/15 at 7:53 pm to
Pierre St. Julien IV aka King Creole. offshore fishing guide out of Sea Island, GA. I would talk with a thick south LA accent and call everybody I meet Cher.
This post was edited on 4/3/15 at 7:55 pm
Posted by Old Sarge
Dean of Admissions, LSU
Member since Jan 2012
55219 posts
Posted on 4/3/15 at 7:53 pm to
Park Ranger, Roger Manly, Yosemite National Park
Posted by blue_morrison
Member since Jan 2013
5112 posts
Posted on 4/3/15 at 11:21 pm to
Rusty Shackleford.
Posted by TheMightyTerrier
Member since Nov 2010
2099 posts
Posted on 4/4/15 at 12:09 am to
My name would be Clem Doore and I would be a school janitor here in Baton Rouge.

Well, not here. Kansas.
Posted by MasCervezas
Ocean Springs
Member since Jul 2013
7958 posts
Posted on 4/4/15 at 12:12 am to
Mr. Papageorgio

And no corrective lenses, I do not require them
Posted by Stir of Echoes
SD, LA, OC, and the Inland Empire.
Member since Feb 2015
1052 posts
Posted on 4/4/15 at 12:38 am to
Okay, if I'm serious I'd be Rick Tynes.

Ran into some cash during the dot com bom in the 90's, lost alot, but not all of it, and now I'm just a dude that lives in Victorville, CA working at the State Fruit and Vegetable Inspection Station up near Barstow.

I have lots of crazy stories, but no one really takes me seriously. I live in the tract homes in Victorville, the whole 9 yards, however, no one gets invited to my house except for birthday parties, and even then, I'm a cold, unwelcoming son of a bitch.

But generally I'm cool, except when I think I might get popped.

Also, I smoke a lot of weed to ease the stress, and I might like hookers. But I'm weary towards those bitches too.

My wife, she's scared to death and becomes a prisoner in her own home. I'm upset, and I use those feels to bang the soccer moms in my tract subdivision.

Eventually, it all comes to pass when the wife drinks too much sherry one night, and blabs to a neighbor. The one I've been banging. Turns out she was a prop tool for the mob.

I should have seen it coming, a couple of days later, I'm at the liquor store to get some Sherry for the assed out wife and a guy walks up. Doesn't say a word, I look at him...

and...



This post was edited on 4/4/15 at 12:43 am
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