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Posted on 7/10/15 at 12:02 am to Rebelgator
Suck my balls.
This post was edited on 7/10/15 at 6:26 am
Posted on 7/10/15 at 12:16 am to DocHoliday11
Sophomore year I was going down on a highschool girlfriend, and her mother walked in to say goodnight. 
The mom, who was a really nice, albeit conservative lady, shut the door quickly while mumbling something. We quickly put our clothes on and proceeded to freak out. I remember standing there with my girlfriend not wanting to leave the room.
So we finally get up the courage to go downstairs so that I can go home, and sure enough her mom is waiting for us at the kitchen table with the light on. We all three, mother, daughter and myself sat down and proceeded to have a fifteen minute conversation about respecting each other's bodies and "being safe".
Looking back it couldn't have gone down any better than that, but it was mortifying as a fifteen year old. Thankfully she didn't wake the dad up, and I don't think she ever told him. Needless to say it took several weeks before I could work up the courage to go back to her house.
The mom, who was a really nice, albeit conservative lady, shut the door quickly while mumbling something. We quickly put our clothes on and proceeded to freak out. I remember standing there with my girlfriend not wanting to leave the room. So we finally get up the courage to go downstairs so that I can go home, and sure enough her mom is waiting for us at the kitchen table with the light on. We all three, mother, daughter and myself sat down and proceeded to have a fifteen minute conversation about respecting each other's bodies and "being safe".
Looking back it couldn't have gone down any better than that, but it was mortifying as a fifteen year old. Thankfully she didn't wake the dad up, and I don't think she ever told him. Needless to say it took several weeks before I could work up the courage to go back to her house.
Posted on 7/10/15 at 2:34 am to betweenthebara
my mom works out of town, she sales insurane and sold in Mississippi, tenn and Arkansas so she would be gone for days at a time. i pretty much had my own house when i was 15. as long as my grades were up an i didn't get in trouble my mom was pretty cool.
one day, before work this girl i was talking to at work spent the night over my house and we decided to get a quickie in before we went to work, and we were so busy going at it i didn't hear the garage door coming up so i'm all in it doggy style and my mom walks in the door.
luckily i had to be at work so i just left. she told my dad and was like "and.. that's what 17 year old's do lol they have sex". AS long as he wrapped up i really don't are lol
one day, before work this girl i was talking to at work spent the night over my house and we decided to get a quickie in before we went to work, and we were so busy going at it i didn't hear the garage door coming up so i'm all in it doggy style and my mom walks in the door.
luckily i had to be at work so i just left. she told my dad and was like "and.. that's what 17 year old's do lol they have sex". AS long as he wrapped up i really don't are lol
Posted on 7/10/15 at 6:06 am to vengeanceofrain
My parents never let me chew gum when I was young. So naturally I'd pick up gum off the street and chew that!
I'd have to spit out the grit and small rocks, but whatever!
I'd have to spit out the grit and small rocks, but whatever!
Posted on 7/10/15 at 6:27 am to DocHoliday11
When I was 12 or 13 this new family moved into the neighborhood just after the end of the school year. The mom was hot as hell. Well my buddies and I somehow discovered she liked to lay out in her backyard in a bikini after lunch when her kids were taking a nap. Being 12-14 year old boys we convinced ourselves she was laying out there topless or even naked. Hoping to get a glimpse, we found a tree in the adjoining vacant lot next door and would take turns climbing up the tree to ogle. About 2 weeks into this nearly daily event, I climbed up for my turn in the tree, and as I was sitting there the tree limb we had been sitting on had had enough and snapped. She heard it and was looking straight at me as I was hanging from another tree limb and called out asking if I was okay and if I needed any help. My buddies being the great buddies they were, took off running leaving me there by myself. I don't think I said anything and just climbed out of the tree and took off to find them.
A week or so later, the neighborhood had a block party/cookout and I somehow ended up at a table with her by myself. She asked me what I was doing in that tree, but her playful demeanor indicated to me she knew full well what I was doing. I just said nothing and she laughed and told me she didn't care and said she'd forget it ever happened.
I'm friends with her on Facebook and she's still hot as hell and nearly 60.
A week or so later, the neighborhood had a block party/cookout and I somehow ended up at a table with her by myself. She asked me what I was doing in that tree, but her playful demeanor indicated to me she knew full well what I was doing. I just said nothing and she laughed and told me she didn't care and said she'd forget it ever happened.
I'm friends with her on Facebook and she's still hot as hell and nearly 60.
Posted on 7/10/15 at 8:50 am to The Spleen
Pics plz
Posted on 7/10/15 at 9:29 am to El Guapo21
I want to believe this so much! Also thread is delivering keep em coming
Posted on 7/10/15 at 11:53 am to DocHoliday11
My grandmother was chauffeuring our after-school car pool group of kids to baseball practice. I was 8 at the time.
Neenaw was chastising me for horsing around with my brother in the back seat, and doing one of those mom moves where she was slapping at me with her right hand while trying to continue driving with her left.
Well, I thought I had learned a new vocabulary word apt for the moment.
"Gahhhh, Neenaw, you're so HORNY!!!"
:cringe:
I never hear the word ornery without thinking back upon that moment
Neenaw was chastising me for horsing around with my brother in the back seat, and doing one of those mom moves where she was slapping at me with her right hand while trying to continue driving with her left.
Well, I thought I had learned a new vocabulary word apt for the moment.
"Gahhhh, Neenaw, you're so HORNY!!!"
:cringe:
I never hear the word ornery without thinking back upon that moment
Posted on 7/10/15 at 12:45 pm to CrimsonTideMD
I have one similar. Was in like 3rd grade and someone was picking on me regarding my first name (it's bad)... Well I got upset and my mom asked me what was wrong. After i told her the story I added "he's fat and ugly. His mom wouldn't even want to kiss him if she ate a whole bottle of Viagra" my mom goes what???? I go yeah mom it makes adults want to kiss each other
Posted on 7/10/15 at 2:53 pm to DocHoliday11
Same carpool kids, only this time it was 2 brothers/neighbors who rode with us.
Their mom was driving. Older brother (9ish) starts bawling when his younger brother (7ish) whacks him, calling "Punch Bug!!!!!"
Younger brother, fearing he's about to get in trouble, yells at older brother, "You're such a pussy."
His mom backhands him, and I thought the window was gonna break bc his head hit it so hard. "Do you know what that means!?!?!?!", mom screamed.
Through whimpers and tears the younger bro answers, "yeah, it's like a wussy."
Good times
Their mom was driving. Older brother (9ish) starts bawling when his younger brother (7ish) whacks him, calling "Punch Bug!!!!!"
Younger brother, fearing he's about to get in trouble, yells at older brother, "You're such a pussy."
His mom backhands him, and I thought the window was gonna break bc his head hit it so hard. "Do you know what that means!?!?!?!", mom screamed.
Through whimpers and tears the younger bro answers, "yeah, it's like a wussy."
Good times
Posted on 7/10/15 at 3:11 pm to CrimsonTideMD
Also, I've never heard it referred to as "punch bug". We always called it "slug bug". Interesting.
Posted on 7/10/15 at 8:34 pm to DocHoliday11
I skipped school when I was 16, "borrowed" by Dad's truck, and wrecked it. Flipped it end-over-end hydroplaning into a ditch on a wet road. Will never live it down.
Posted on 7/10/15 at 8:40 pm to betweenthebara
quote:
Also, I've never heard it referred to as "punch bug". We always called it "slug bug". Interesting.
I've heard it called "slug bug" a few times here and there, but it seems like everyone called it punch bug where I grew up
Several other names, too
This post was edited on 7/10/15 at 8:44 pm
Posted on 7/10/15 at 8:45 pm to DocHoliday11
When I was 25, I was out with my girlfriend and I usually played with her hair to get her attention (it was super long), accidentally touched some random woman in the mall.
Even as I write this I'm red.
Even as I write this I'm red.
Posted on 7/10/15 at 11:08 pm to DocHoliday11
I flipped my truck at the beginning of my senior year on a dirt road. I forgot something and sped home to get it and missed a turn I had made 100 times before.
Came out unscathed, but had to walk 2 miles home.
My dad collected the insurance and then made me pay to get it fixed but knew the guy fixing it and said to leave the holes where they popped it out and the wrinkles and dents all over.
When I got it back a month later it smoked like crazy but still drove. I had to drive it to school everyday till May.
At the last school announcement before graduation on our football field my principal asked if I could do a few donuts beforehand to kill off mosquitos in front of the entire HS.
I drove to school with a new truck the next day.
Came out unscathed, but had to walk 2 miles home.
My dad collected the insurance and then made me pay to get it fixed but knew the guy fixing it and said to leave the holes where they popped it out and the wrinkles and dents all over.
When I got it back a month later it smoked like crazy but still drove. I had to drive it to school everyday till May.
At the last school announcement before graduation on our football field my principal asked if I could do a few donuts beforehand to kill off mosquitos in front of the entire HS.
I drove to school with a new truck the next day.
Posted on 7/11/15 at 7:20 am to CatFan81
quote:
Most of my friends are guys. I don't like women. Bitchiness, neediness, lack of sports acumen, and too much emphasis on makeup and tanning annoy the shite out of me.
Girls that are tan and done up make my pants super tight. I love women.
Posted on 7/11/15 at 10:26 am to DocHoliday11
When I was about 5 or 6, I tried to ride my older sister's bike. It was much too big for me and I swerved out of control and ran into our car. The screams of agony were heard from miles away as my crotch slammed into that middle bar on the bike. Caused quite the sore on the head of my pecker, which when the sore scabbed over caused my underwear to stick to my pecker. I would have to get in the bathtub with my underwear on to soften the scab whenever I needed to take them off. This went on for quite a while as the sore took forever to heal.
Posted on 7/11/15 at 11:17 am to LittleJerrySeinfield
One of my mom's brothers had a serious neck injury playing hs football. So she always made sure I was signed up to play baseball in the fall to keep me away from it.
I was a really good pitcher when I was young, and was playing fall ball in Atlanta. But when I played in that league, it was like I was Randy Johnson.
So everyone is pretty much terrible, since the best athletes were playing football. I had a catcher who had to throw it thirty feet in the air to get the ball back to the mound. One night game while pitching, he throws it back to me, and it was so high, I lost the ball in the lights. It landed directly in my right eye.
I cried for a few, but eventually finished the game. When I went to school the next day, the teacher pulled me aside, and asked if everything was okay at home, and wanted to be sure I wasn't being abused.
I was a really good pitcher when I was young, and was playing fall ball in Atlanta. But when I played in that league, it was like I was Randy Johnson.
So everyone is pretty much terrible, since the best athletes were playing football. I had a catcher who had to throw it thirty feet in the air to get the ball back to the mound. One night game while pitching, he throws it back to me, and it was so high, I lost the ball in the lights. It landed directly in my right eye.
I cried for a few, but eventually finished the game. When I went to school the next day, the teacher pulled me aside, and asked if everything was okay at home, and wanted to be sure I wasn't being abused.
Posted on 7/11/15 at 11:28 am to DocHoliday11
I was born with a severely deviated septum so for the first 18 years of my life I could only really breathe out of one nostril... So, closed off nostril caused immense congestion problems
Fifth grade, sitting at lunch with the girl I had the biggest crush on... She was finally giving me the time of day and it was my time to shine
All if a sudden I feel the urge to sneeze, so to be polite I try to hold it in... All this does is cause so much pressure that snot bursts out and literally covers my entire face/mouth/chin (it would've looked like a scene from the good parts of the interwebz)
Needless to say I'm sitting there in a panic trying to wipe it off with my hands which only makes it worse annnnnd crush laughs at me... It was a bad day
Fifth grade, sitting at lunch with the girl I had the biggest crush on... She was finally giving me the time of day and it was my time to shine
All if a sudden I feel the urge to sneeze, so to be polite I try to hold it in... All this does is cause so much pressure that snot bursts out and literally covers my entire face/mouth/chin (it would've looked like a scene from the good parts of the interwebz)
Needless to say I'm sitting there in a panic trying to wipe it off with my hands which only makes it worse annnnnd crush laughs at me... It was a bad day
This post was edited on 7/11/15 at 11:33 am
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