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re: "Dear Killz" Advice and Help Column
Posted on 3/20/13 at 3:32 pm to semotruman
Posted on 3/20/13 at 3:32 pm to semotruman
yea shes definitely seen us together. and im actually pretty sure i told her, while i was drunk one time in like january, that i was starting to feel things for the girl and that it was weird cause this was the first time ive ever been legitimately interested in someone (im only 20). im pretty sure that is what started everything that led to it blowing up
and yea im going to be sensitive, im just trying to brain storm some ideas on how to go about it
and yea im going to be sensitive, im just trying to brain storm some ideas on how to go about it
2
Posted on 3/20/13 at 3:38 pm to mizzoukills
Dr. Killz,
My son got suspended from school today for punching a bully in the face. His mother wants to punish him, but I say NO. The kid has been fricking with him consistently and today hit him in the back of the head while he was talking to a girl. Thoughts?
My son got suspended from school today for punching a bully in the face. His mother wants to punish him, but I say NO. The kid has been fricking with him consistently and today hit him in the back of the head while he was talking to a girl. Thoughts?
Posted on 3/20/13 at 3:42 pm to mizzoukills
thanks killz 
Posted on 3/20/13 at 3:45 pm to WestCoastAg
Well, that explains everything! She is your best friend. She saw you getting close to someone, and for the first time felt threatened. She isn't sure how to handle it, and gets uncomfortable around you. You push her into telling you what's going on, and she confesses she's in love with you - knowing you're developing feelings for someone but feeling desperate enough to tell you how she feels.
She already knows you like this girl, and it won't be a surprise. But she's hurt, as well as humiliated and feeling awkward. That's going to take time. But if you're going to ask this girl out, open up the communication with your friend, and see how she responds. Maybe you can get together for lunch, or coffee - I'd stay away from booze, that'll just make her more emotional. If you get together, just tell her how much her friendship means to you, and always will. And that you've got feelings for someone, but it in no way means you don't need her friendship. Honest - but gentle.
If she isn't ready to talk to you yet, respect that. At least you tried. I'd still email her though, tell her that you really miss her friendship. And that you're going to date, but that doesn't effect how you value her as a friend. Then you've done all you can.
That's just what I'd do.
She already knows you like this girl, and it won't be a surprise. But she's hurt, as well as humiliated and feeling awkward. That's going to take time. But if you're going to ask this girl out, open up the communication with your friend, and see how she responds. Maybe you can get together for lunch, or coffee - I'd stay away from booze, that'll just make her more emotional. If you get together, just tell her how much her friendship means to you, and always will. And that you've got feelings for someone, but it in no way means you don't need her friendship. Honest - but gentle.
If she isn't ready to talk to you yet, respect that. At least you tried. I'd still email her though, tell her that you really miss her friendship. And that you're going to date, but that doesn't effect how you value her as a friend. Then you've done all you can.
That's just what I'd do.
Posted on 3/20/13 at 3:46 pm to WestCoastAg
WCA
Setup a "friend" date...something that you two have always enjoyed doing together. Tell her something along these lines:
"I appreciate that you put your feelings on the line the way you did, but I truly love you like a sister. The last thing I want is for you to be upset or our friendship to become awkward. I can't imagine you not being my best friend. I would be destroyed if we stopped being friends. We shouldn't complicate the beautiful relationship we have with each other."
quote:
and yea im going to be sensitive, im just trying to brain storm some ideas on how to go about it
Setup a "friend" date...something that you two have always enjoyed doing together. Tell her something along these lines:
"I appreciate that you put your feelings on the line the way you did, but I truly love you like a sister. The last thing I want is for you to be upset or our friendship to become awkward. I can't imagine you not being my best friend. I would be destroyed if we stopped being friends. We shouldn't complicate the beautiful relationship we have with each other."
Posted on 3/20/13 at 3:48 pm to mizzoukills
For Security Purposes This Post Has Been [REDACTED]
This post was edited on 3/20/13 at 5:36 pm
Posted on 3/20/13 at 3:48 pm to mizzoukills
quote:
"I appreciate that you put your feelings on the line the way you did, but I truly love you like a sister. The last thing I want is for you to be upset or our friendship to become awkward. I can't imagine you not being my best friend. I would be destroyed if we stopped being friends. We shouldn't complicate the beautiful relationship we have with each other."
Oh, that's good, Killz. "If we tried to date and it didn't work out, I'm scared I'd lose my best friend, and I don't want that."
Posted on 3/20/13 at 3:48 pm to mizzoukills
Damn it, Semo...you just said what I said but better. 
This post was edited on 3/20/13 at 3:50 pm
Posted on 3/20/13 at 3:49 pm to mizzoukills
Killz, you mean you and I are thinking alike now? Damn. 
Posted on 3/20/13 at 3:50 pm to mizzoukills
You ShowMe people 
Posted on 3/20/13 at 3:52 pm to semotruman
quote:
"I appreciate that you put your feelings on the line the way you did, but I truly love you like a sister. The last thing I want is for you to be upset or our friendship to become awkward. I can't imagine you not being my best friend. I would be destroyed if we stopped being friends. We shouldn't complicate the beautiful relationship we have with each other."
I see a problem with that. In a way, that's kinda selfish and is asking alot of the other person, if they have stronger feelings. Saying you would be destroyed by not having her around, kinda minimalizes what she may be going through, being around someone they love, and seeing them with someone else in the way they want to be. No easy way to deal with that kind of situation.
Posted on 3/20/13 at 3:57 pm to KurtGoBang1
quote:
My son got suspended from school today for punching a bully in the face. His mother wants to punish him, but I say NO. The kid has been fricking with him consistently and today hit him in the back of the head while he was talking to a girl. Thoughts?
Take that kid out for ice cream. Reinforce that his standing up for himself was the right thing to do regardless of the consequences and he'll never be bullied again for the remainder of his life.
Posted on 3/20/13 at 3:57 pm to semotruman
thanks semo and killz. appreciate the help
Posted on 3/20/13 at 3:58 pm to KurtGoBang1
KurtGoBang1
Women may protest what I'm about to say and they have the right.
But, here's how I'd respond as a man...
The school motto "it takes two to fight" is bullshite, but I understand the idea behind it.
Therefore, let your wife punish him for throwing the first punch.
However, after she punishes him, you should take him on a drive to the grocery store or out in the garage...any place away from your wife so that you can have some father and son alone time.
Tell him that you're proud of him and that he should never allow people to bully him. Give him a high five or pat him on the back and then ask him for details. Encourage him to talk about the fight...allow him to brag. This experience is an integral part of his journey to manhood.
Make certain to ask him if he understands why his mother punished him. He probably will understand. If not, simply explain that regardless of whether or not he started the fight, it truly takes two to fight.
The decision to be courageous can also lead to severe consequences. Encourage him to always be courageous no matter the consequences.
- Killz
PS. You should be proud of your son.
quote:
My son got suspended from school today for punching a bully in the face. His mother wants to punish him, but I say NO. The kid has been fricking with him consistently and today hit him in the back of the head while he was talking to a girl. Thoughts?
Women may protest what I'm about to say and they have the right.
But, here's how I'd respond as a man...
The school motto "it takes two to fight" is bullshite, but I understand the idea behind it.
Therefore, let your wife punish him for throwing the first punch.
However, after she punishes him, you should take him on a drive to the grocery store or out in the garage...any place away from your wife so that you can have some father and son alone time.
Tell him that you're proud of him and that he should never allow people to bully him. Give him a high five or pat him on the back and then ask him for details. Encourage him to talk about the fight...allow him to brag. This experience is an integral part of his journey to manhood.
Make certain to ask him if he understands why his mother punished him. He probably will understand. If not, simply explain that regardless of whether or not he started the fight, it truly takes two to fight.
The decision to be courageous can also lead to severe consequences. Encourage him to always be courageous no matter the consequences.
- Killz
PS. You should be proud of your son.
Posted on 3/20/13 at 4:04 pm to Alahunter
Alahunter
You're right. But at least he can try. Put the ball in her court. Allow her to either accept platonic friendship or the alternative.
There's no easy solution to this situation, in my opinion.
quote:
I see a problem with that
You're right. But at least he can try. Put the ball in her court. Allow her to either accept platonic friendship or the alternative.
There's no easy solution to this situation, in my opinion.
This post was edited on 3/20/13 at 4:06 pm
Posted on 3/20/13 at 4:07 pm to mizzoukills
Thanks Killz. I am proud of him. He was actually struck first. From behind.
Posted on 3/20/13 at 4:09 pm to KurtGoBang1
KurtGoBang1
quote:
Thanks Killz. I am proud of him. He was actually struck first. From behind.
Well frick that! Kid deserves an azzwhoopin' simply for throwing a bitch shot.
I still stand by my advice.
Posted on 3/20/13 at 4:12 pm to mizzoukills
quote:
You're right. But at least he can try. Put the ball in her court. Allow her to either accept platonic friendship or the alternative.
There's no easy solution to this situation, in my opinion.
Agreed.
And as a female, I'd tell Kurt's kid that resorting to violence only takes you down to the level of the bully. Sadly, sometimes that's all they can understand. Let him know fighting isn't right - but I wouldn't punish him either. This time.
Posted on 3/20/13 at 4:15 pm to semotruman
quote:
semotruman
Sometimes people just need their arse kicked. It's a guy thing.
Posted on 3/20/13 at 4:18 pm to KurtGoBang1
quote:
Sometimes people just need their arse kicked. It's a guy thing
Which is why I wouldn't punish him this time. You just don't want to condone it too much because then you could have a budding troublemaker on your hands.
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