Stupid Hipster 6-Pack Rings and Chrysanthemum Derivitives

I'm feeling like Seinfeld tonight.

What's the deal with those hard plastic rings the craft breweries are doing with their 6 packs? What kind of globalist shite is this? It's like they don't want people to drink their beer. Am I missing something? Is there a Hipster Hack to operating these things? I'm looking at you Creature Comforts.

And I'll tell you something else... when your daycare toddler gets head lice, you are going to pay $14 at Kroger for a long fancy chemical name that is just boiled Chrysanthemums. It's also going to come with a special gel that you use to comb out all the eggs, tediously, with a special comb. On a 2 year old, this is impractical. When it happens to you, and it will, listen to me and listen good. Use just the Chrysanthemum shampoo. It won't kill the eggs. Ten days later, use it again. Any eggs that hatched after your first treatment will not have reached sexual maturity yet, and you can end the cycle.

Also, you don't have to wash any of your pillows or bedsheets or hats or any of that shite. Just put them in the dryer for 15 minutes on high. All lice and eggs will be dead. And anything you haven't touched in 2 days will already be inert. If a louse doesn't feed on human blood for 24 hours, it dies.