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SEC football HCs ranked in order of who would win in a fight
Posted on 8/21/22 at 10:37 am
Posted on 8/21/22 at 10:37 am
1. Bryan Harsin, Auburn - no surprise here. Big Dick Bryan is probably the most yoked HC in SEC history. Let's be honest, no other current HC would even stand a chance. Those on the lower end of this list would back down from his cold hard stare alone.
2. Clark Lea, Vanderbilt - dude looks in good shape himself, still comparatively young at 40, and played the fullback position where he had to physically punish people every play. Smart guy who would be a cerebral fighter too. Probably the only guy on this list who could make Harsin sweat.
3. Billy Napier, Florida - 43, long reach with those lanky arms, not in bad shape, and just looks mean
4. Sam Pittman, Arkansad - I'm going out on a limb with this one bc of Pittman's age, 60, and lack of stamina. But the Pittmaster is a man who definitely saw his share of barroom brawls in his heyday, and he played OL, so he'll know how to throw his weight around and end things quick. This is a boom or bust pick, but I like Pittman to frick shite up in this tournament. 20 years ago though, he would've been an absolute force.
5. Mark Stoops, Kentucky - this might be another surprise pick for some of y'all, but Stoops is a tough sumbitch, he was a hard hitting safety back in the 80s, and he's farm strong (Iowa Hawkeye)
6. Lane Kiffin, Ole Miss - at first glance you might write Lane off as a rich daddy's boy who's been coddled and handed opportunities all of his life, but I think that gives Lane a bit of a chip on his shoulder. He seems to have a lot of pent up rage just under the surface that he masks with humor and partying. Plus he's got some size and weight to work with
7. Shane Beamer, South Carolina - this is a safety pick based on him being relatively young at 43, and in good shape, and the assumption that he can outlast some of his older contemporaries. But idk, Shane looks a little too clean cut and like he's never been in a fight in his life, so I also wouldn't be surprised if he got his shite rocked early on.
8. Kirby Smart, Georgia - look, at the beginning of his tenure at UGA, Smart would've ranked much higher on this list. He was a badass in his playing days, and he's always looked like a guy who doesn't put up with any shite and can handle himself. But his age is really starting to show, and he's allowed himself to get fat and soft in his success. Even as the leader of my hated rival, seeing a man decline so fast and far is hard to watch but, after this the competition takes a hard drop and becomes difficult to rank
9. Josh Heupel, Tennessee - he gets this spot by default, based on the fact that he's a giant fat frick who could absorb some blows and defeat a few opponents by sitting on them and suffocating them. That and every other HC below this point having even bigger weaknesses in their fighting games
10. Eli Drinkwitz, Mizzou - I know what y'all are thinking. This nerd??? But at 39, he's got youth on his side, and probably some unresolved trauma from being bullied as a child by jocks (like his fellow coaches), which may be enough to give him an edge over some of his older and more feeble opponents.
11. Nick Saban, Alabama - he's 70 years old and 5'6", but Nick Saban is still the meanest sumbitch on this list, and he knows how to get in people's heads and be intimidating. And you know Saban would come prepared with a solid gameplan.
12. Mike Leach, Mississippi State - yes, he's an aging nerd, and the least physically/ athletically gifted person on this list. But Leach has a little pirate in him, he won't back down. And he's the type of nerd who's probably spent crazy hours studying medieval fighting techniques. Leach would have a couple of tricks up his sleeve before he was physically overwhelmed.
13. Brian Kelly, Louisiana State - he's a hoity toity fancy boy who's never gotten dirt under his nails in his life, but we already know he's not afraid to order someone to their death and will lose no sleep over it. That level of sociopathy is scary, even if he isn't physically capable of carrying out his sick will on most people.
14. Jimbo Fisher, aTm - let's all be honest here, Jimbo just looks bitchmade, and I don't think anyone here will disagree with that. He looks like the slightest push to the chest would have him on the ground crying and threatening to call the police
TL;DR -
1. Harsin
2. Lea
3. Napier
4. Pittman
5. Stoops
6. Kiffin
7. Beamer
8. Smart
9. Heupel
10. Drinkwitz
11. Saban
12. Leach
13. Kelly
14. Jimbo
2. Clark Lea, Vanderbilt - dude looks in good shape himself, still comparatively young at 40, and played the fullback position where he had to physically punish people every play. Smart guy who would be a cerebral fighter too. Probably the only guy on this list who could make Harsin sweat.
3. Billy Napier, Florida - 43, long reach with those lanky arms, not in bad shape, and just looks mean
4. Sam Pittman, Arkansad - I'm going out on a limb with this one bc of Pittman's age, 60, and lack of stamina. But the Pittmaster is a man who definitely saw his share of barroom brawls in his heyday, and he played OL, so he'll know how to throw his weight around and end things quick. This is a boom or bust pick, but I like Pittman to frick shite up in this tournament. 20 years ago though, he would've been an absolute force.
5. Mark Stoops, Kentucky - this might be another surprise pick for some of y'all, but Stoops is a tough sumbitch, he was a hard hitting safety back in the 80s, and he's farm strong (Iowa Hawkeye)
6. Lane Kiffin, Ole Miss - at first glance you might write Lane off as a rich daddy's boy who's been coddled and handed opportunities all of his life, but I think that gives Lane a bit of a chip on his shoulder. He seems to have a lot of pent up rage just under the surface that he masks with humor and partying. Plus he's got some size and weight to work with
7. Shane Beamer, South Carolina - this is a safety pick based on him being relatively young at 43, and in good shape, and the assumption that he can outlast some of his older contemporaries. But idk, Shane looks a little too clean cut and like he's never been in a fight in his life, so I also wouldn't be surprised if he got his shite rocked early on.
8. Kirby Smart, Georgia - look, at the beginning of his tenure at UGA, Smart would've ranked much higher on this list. He was a badass in his playing days, and he's always looked like a guy who doesn't put up with any shite and can handle himself. But his age is really starting to show, and he's allowed himself to get fat and soft in his success. Even as the leader of my hated rival, seeing a man decline so fast and far is hard to watch but, after this the competition takes a hard drop and becomes difficult to rank
9. Josh Heupel, Tennessee - he gets this spot by default, based on the fact that he's a giant fat frick who could absorb some blows and defeat a few opponents by sitting on them and suffocating them. That and every other HC below this point having even bigger weaknesses in their fighting games
10. Eli Drinkwitz, Mizzou - I know what y'all are thinking. This nerd??? But at 39, he's got youth on his side, and probably some unresolved trauma from being bullied as a child by jocks (like his fellow coaches), which may be enough to give him an edge over some of his older and more feeble opponents.
11. Nick Saban, Alabama - he's 70 years old and 5'6", but Nick Saban is still the meanest sumbitch on this list, and he knows how to get in people's heads and be intimidating. And you know Saban would come prepared with a solid gameplan.
12. Mike Leach, Mississippi State - yes, he's an aging nerd, and the least physically/ athletically gifted person on this list. But Leach has a little pirate in him, he won't back down. And he's the type of nerd who's probably spent crazy hours studying medieval fighting techniques. Leach would have a couple of tricks up his sleeve before he was physically overwhelmed.
13. Brian Kelly, Louisiana State - he's a hoity toity fancy boy who's never gotten dirt under his nails in his life, but we already know he's not afraid to order someone to their death and will lose no sleep over it. That level of sociopathy is scary, even if he isn't physically capable of carrying out his sick will on most people.
14. Jimbo Fisher, aTm - let's all be honest here, Jimbo just looks bitchmade, and I don't think anyone here will disagree with that. He looks like the slightest push to the chest would have him on the ground crying and threatening to call the police
TL;DR -
1. Harsin
2. Lea
3. Napier
4. Pittman
5. Stoops
6. Kiffin
7. Beamer
8. Smart
9. Heupel
10. Drinkwitz
11. Saban
12. Leach
13. Kelly
14. Jimbo
Posted on 8/21/22 at 10:39 am to BowlJackson
quote:
Auburn always stealing ideas
Posted on 8/21/22 at 10:42 am to paperwasp
That list is even worse than Sallee's
Mine is accurate
Mine is accurate
Posted on 8/21/22 at 10:46 am to BowlJackson
quote:
10. Eli Drinkwitz, Mizzou - I know what y'all are thinking. This nerd??? But at 39, he's got youth on his side, and probably some unresolved trauma from being bullied as a child by jocks (like his fellow coaches), which may be enough to give him an edge over some of his older and more feeble opponents.
Not gonna lie, I laughed. Changed my downvote to upvote
Posted on 8/21/22 at 10:53 am to BowlJackson
Honorable mention to Dawn Staley
I bet she would be good in a knife fight
I bet she would be good in a knife fight
Posted on 8/21/22 at 11:05 am to KCM0Tiger
Kiffin isn't beating anyone up. Smart Is to low. Half of a fight is your willingness to channel your crazy and he's a psycho. I don't know how him and muschamp haven't killed one another yet.
Posted on 8/21/22 at 11:13 am to BowlJackson
Saban would recruit the best bodyguards to handle little things like that.
He’d probably just knife you if it got down to hands, because he IS the meanest guy on the list.
He’d probably just knife you if it got down to hands, because he IS the meanest guy on the list.
Posted on 8/21/22 at 11:20 am to llfshoals
quote:
He’d probably just knife you if it got down to hands
Idk, Saban might be a dirty recruiter, but he doesn't seem like he would be a dirty fighter.
If anybody is sneaking a shank into the ring, it would be Heupel
Posted on 8/21/22 at 11:23 am to BowlJackson
Saban is too low. You don’t think he’d fight dirty? Where do you think that trashy daughter of his learned to sucker punch her roommate?
Posted on 8/21/22 at 11:36 am to diddlydawg7
Don't casty me. Your list was shite and poorly thought out. A slapped together troll job.
Mine is the product of months of research and film study. A true work of journalism.
Mine is the product of months of research and film study. A true work of journalism.
Posted on 8/21/22 at 11:39 am to BowlJackson
I think Mizzou went from the clear number one to dead last on this one between Odom and Drink.
Posted on 8/21/22 at 11:46 am to BreakawayZou83
Only bc Odom was around pre-Harsin. Odom would get dat arse whooped by Harsin too
Posted on 8/21/22 at 11:50 am to diddlydawg7
I like how diddler acts like he has a monopoly on coaches fighting like the idea hasn’t come up every year since before he was sliding out from between his mothers legs
This post was edited on 8/21/22 at 11:51 am
Posted on 8/21/22 at 11:52 am to BowlJackson
I think you posted a picture of NoHo Hank instead of clark lea
Posted on 8/21/22 at 11:54 am to BowlJackson
Ed O would have topped this list easy.
Posted on 8/21/22 at 11:58 am to BowlJackson
Kick off take me away.
Posted on 8/21/22 at 11:59 am to BowlJackson
Kiffin is a big dude. He would snap Harsin in half.
Posted on 8/21/22 at 11:59 am to ExpoTiger
Ed O would've given himself a stroke getting all worked up. He's the type to come in wildly swinging, relying only on brute strength and no strategy.
Posted on 8/21/22 at 12:47 pm to BowlJackson
Saban should be much higher.. He would go old school dirty Rick Flair style..
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