NCAA investigators are the Jim Laheys of the SEC trailer park

With all this mess going on with Hugh Freeze, let's analyze the probable outcome of the NCAA's so called "investigation" of Ole Miss in relation to the other football programs using everyone's favorite Canadian trailer park, Sunnyvale.

Jim Lahey - NCAA investigators - believes that they can control everything in college football, but in reality only make empty threats; occasionally do find wrongs but seem to miss everything else.

Randy Bo-Bandy - Whistle Blowers - loves to think that investigators really care about them; when they get mad, they sell info to people ala "Smokey".

Julian - Alabama - everybody knows they are doing illegal things in front of everybody, but like Julian, NCAA believes that they are just to sexy and important to the conference to take down.

Ricky - Florida - means well but has done some greasy things and has done real time for it (1984 SEC championship and shot at title done) but can somehow talk their way out everything, even when people get shot (Ahem Urban).

Bubbles - Auburn - likes to believe that they are the most innocent person in the conference, but has a real greasy side to them. Like Bub's penchant for accepting stray kitties and stealing shopping buggies, Auburn loves stray convicts and paying for their services.

J-Roc - LSU - you already knew this was coming. By far the most insane person in the park, J-Roc actually believes that he's the best rapper like corndogs believe that LSU is the best team. Also says the darndest things. Gets caught but Honey Badger don't care.

Cyrus - Georgia - for some stupid reason, everyone is afraid of this person. Looks big and imitating a first because of a lone championship, but as the season goes on, they just wind up getting shut down and scream that they will get revenge one day. But that day never comes.

Sam Losco - Tennessee - Similar to Cyrus (Georgia) in expectations, this poor soul has tried everything to be successful and turn his bad luck around. From veterinarian to gold broker, Sam promises that he's changed, but everyone knows he's just a caveman. By the end of the season, all that's left is a guy screaming to the other programs his metaphorical wall crashes all around him. A return to former glory is unlikely.

Philadelphia Collins - Arkansas - another obvious match-up. Might be shady on the down low, but all people notice is the gut and the loud, empty threats. Can I get a "baaaaam" Bert?

Jacob Collins - Texas A&M - new to the scene. Wants to be included and greasy like everyone else but constantly loses on and off the field. Doesn't even need to get caught doing anything illegal to be in last place.

Donny - South Carolina - no one actually knows who they are or what to expect. Except for yelling. There will be lots and lots of yelling.

Ray - Kentucky - been a loser for their existence of the program. However, like Ray, Kentucky is perceived as great in other sports, like basketball, like Ray is perceived as great when he lives in the dump.

Bottle Kids - Mizzou - new to the conference, but every now and then come out of nowhere to murk others in the park.

Conky - Vanderbilt - is kryptonite to Bubbles (Auburn), annoying to everyone else. Makes an appearance once every few years.

Corey and Trevor - Ole Miss and MSU - both want to be part of the gang, but seem to miss the boat. Everyone is confused as to how and why they are somehow relevant in the conference after years of nothingness. Even though they are doing the same greasy things as everyone else, they can't keep it a secret and they will get caught by Jim Lahey.