Which True Detective Character is Your SEC Fan Base?

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Charlie Lange – Mississippi State



You are from the backwoods. No one can understand what the hell you are saying. You were involved in some shady dealings and got caught (I see you Kenny Powers). We also know as soon as we see you that you will not play much of a part in this story. Except when you randomly do in the most unexpected ways.



Maisie Hart – Vanderbilt



You’re perfect. You’re smart. But you don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.



Audrey Hart – Arkansas



If it’s any consolation this character goes from the back of a car with two guys to a seemingly decent life. Maybe there’s hope for you too?



Steve Geraci – Missouri



We had kinda sorta heard of you early on in the story. But you were mainly drunk and pretty pointless. Then all of a sudden you were like the damn main character. What’s the deal? Who are you? Where did all of your success come from? I’m suspicious because you seem so darn nice…



Ginger – Ole Miss



You are white, extremely prone to mob mentality, and have a history of some pretty serious racism. Almost all of that racist what-not came with religious undertones. You have some serious clout right now, but you tend to screw things up in the end (cf. Dr. Bo’s fumble).



Lisa – Kentucky



You serve no other purpose than ruining things for everyone else. Especially for Marty (see below).



Reggie Ledoux – LSU



You saw this one coming too. You use “x” in a way that no one on earth really understands. Moreover, you’re crazy and your craziness manifests itself as aggression. You also absolutely know someone who does one or both of the following: 1.) cooks crystal 2.) lives in shack on the bayou. Bonus points if you know someone who does both of those things. Not saying you’re terrible. You mean a lot to the story, and everyone wants to understand you. But, well, if we let you hang around too long (and drink enough) you’re likely to do some messed up stuff.



Beth – South Carolina

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Things really sucked for you in the early days. Like really really really really sucked. But then you found the right guy via the right amount of money and things are better now. Sure you try to entice everyone with naked photos (see Spurrier “thrust” dot gif) and offers of kinky sex (why do you always play on Thursday nights?) but in the end you’re not a main character and no one ever expects you not to be anything other than a ticking dumpster bomb.



Billy Lee Tuttle – Auburn



We’re pretty sure you were into some pretty shady shite (Cam, Real Sports). But no one ever really caught you for it. Since that time you have gained lots of power and influence. And that makes most of us hate you.



Maggie – Florida



You are as good a character as your marriages. You had a great one to begin with that ran its course (Spurrier). Then one that was just about money and success (Meyer). There was that time in between those two that you did something you really regret (Zook), but all in all you are a key character. As much as I wanted to say you were the lady the Killer was banging I just can’t. You’re better than that. But we don’t respect you as much as we used to (Muschamp).



Errol/Yellow King? – Alabama



Come on, now. You saw this one coming. Anything involving incest, psychosis, and a desire for your crazy arse obsession to turn you into some sort of deified legend obligates me to equate that with Bama. Sorry.



Marty – Tennessee



You are so convinced you are good. Like so convinced. And maybe you are. For a moment. But then you’re back to banging stenographers or contemplating having anal sex with a former trailer park hooker (cf. buttchuging). You also tend to rage out a lot man. I mean why are you so angry all the time? You’re a big deal. You don’t have to prove it all the time. You can turn it around. But you seem so unable to get out of your own way. We love you. We want you to do good things. But we know better.



Cohle – Texas A&M



This one is exactly what you think it is. You’re the most interesting character in this story. But your inability to stop drinking or to just stop in general will be your undoing. Or will it perhaps make you even better than before? We don’t know. Because this is the last season we get to watch you.



Det. Papania – Georgia



Yes, UGA fans this is us. Here’s how I got here. We’re pretty much a nice guy but we do dumb shite all the time that gets in our way. More accurately, we make really stupid EARLY MOVES (smoke pot, boat under the influence, etc.) that bar us from any of the glory at the end. We have the killer fall in our laps only to get directions from him and drive away. Will we finish strong? Oh yeah. Will we get the killer? Nope, nope, nope. But we will show up at the crime scene and people will be like, “Man, I wonder what that guy is gonna do NEXT season.”

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