re: What's the longest failed relationship you've been in?

7 years married 3

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10 years here (married 7 of them). Who has me beat?

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Don't act like you don't know what I'm going through.

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Short term I agree with you, but over years, people change. What once was a "fault" in your significant other that you kind of ignored, turns into something that makes you want to drink yourself into a stupor over.

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I just had a relationship end after almost 4 years (a couple days off) and one of the biggest differences is that I wanted to steer away from offices and conventional jobs, she wanted the exact opposite.

It was okay the first two years, but the difference in perception ended the relationship for the last two, so I can definitely attest to this statement above.

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5 years. But to be fair a lot of things happened about 2 years in that changed the both of us and what we wanted in the future. It probably went on a year longer than it should have.

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Was literally in the exact situation.

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It was okay the first two years, but the difference in perception ended the relationship for the last two,

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I think both men and women think that they can "change" the other in some way. My ex and I had a running battle about religion, one of many of our issues, but she thought she could change my opinion of going to church. She knew my feelings about organized religion from the get go, but she really felt she could change my beliefs. When she couldn't, she came to resent me and I came to resent her for trying to change me. Relationships are hard...

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I don't know how people end up in "bad relationships". I've always been able to tell at a certain point that this shite wasn't gonna work

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Kids are a big reason people will try to salvage or stick with a failing relationship.

I'm glad you provided an example. I wasn't sure what sort of fault could eventually cause such a rift between two people.

Something like that would be a red flag for me, though. You pretty clearly wanted different lifestyles from the jump. I saw stuff like that and just cut ties there. Maybe that made me an a-hole, but it worked out for me in the end.

There's no way for me to talk about this without sounding like a smug a-hole, so I'm thinking I'll stop here.

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Honestly, sometimes they start out really well but after awhile people change and situations change. People grow apart. And then they start working so hard to make up for all of that they end up making each other miserable. Especially if we're talking multi-year relationships.

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Exactly. And faults that seem minor, have a way of becoming huge over time.

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And I hate to sound like a hopeless romantic but at some point you think that it might work out. We shared very similar interests except for that.

I broke up with my first girlfriend for listening to the Black Eyed Peas, so this is at least a little more cogent.

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I'm a pretty hopeless romantic myself, but my affliction always manifested itself in the "chase" part of the relationship. Once I was with a girl my logic would kick in and I'd know if the flaws we both had were going to be conducive to a long-term relationship.

I really got called an a-hole a lot for breaking up with girls over petty shite. But, if you like Nickelback I promise you we will never work out. You are a completely different person than I am.

Don't get me wrong, my wife and I have had to work through some shite, but our flaws were weaknesses that the other had strengths in. Like she tends to let little things run her day right off the rails. It doesn't take much to completely flip her mood. I, on the other hand, am very very laid back. It's easy for me to adjust fire and drive on. That calms her and helps her handle the little things. But I'm also a little too calm sometimes and that's when she helps me out to get my shite in gear.

That's just one example, but as you can see they're not flaws that affect how we want to live our lives. We both line up well on what we want our life to be like as far as where to live, kids, jobs, etc. We line up perfectly on religion and music and movies. We don't always love the same music or movies or entertainment, but we're similar enough to appreciate each other's interests and a lot of the time we end up exposing each other to things that we otherwise would have never given a chance.

It's hard for me to understand bad relationships because we're so happy. I'm not saying we don't fight and it's not all sunshine and rainbows, but even during fights I catch myself thinking, "Damn it I love her."

Ok I'm done gushing now. I didn't mean to get into how much I love my relationship in a thread about bad ones. My curiosity was just genuinely sparked.

Longest one is a year and 8 months. We both got tired of each other's shite.

I am in one now pushing 6 months. But I'm thinking I may get out of it soon. time with her is taking my eye off of some career goals.

She has her career goals too. being there for her and complete my career goals may just be too much for us to handle. She also has a lot of friends that I think do not approve of me. For no other reason than me not working in oil and gas industry. All of their SOs do and while we all do well, the girls here can be narrow minded to guys in o and g. ($$$$$)

She is an incredibly awesome girl tho.