re: Need some opinions on work drama

I know the feeling. I got hit with a racial discrimination complaint with the EEOC when I was a manager. I was a mess for a week or two afterwards. The complaint was unfounded, and I knew it was, but it still bothered me.

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He just said if you can't come up with specifics other than your opinions then there's nothing I can say or do to him. He backed me up and basically said that's his management style, but if he does anything to you worth noting, then yes do call me.

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Gotcha. It seems kind of petty but people can be that way. And unexpectedly.

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40? 10 years older than me.

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Maybe he's bothered by a younger person being his boss. When I first came into the school system, I worked with a woman who was about 20 years older than me but seemed pretty content in staying in her position and doing just enough work to do so. When myself and others started "passing her up" through jobs that were assigned to us and eventually promotions she really got shitty. She would go to the Principal (and later the Asst. Superintendent with two of the girls) to complain that we were causing a hostile work environment and that our Principal was promoting us out of favoritism. It never went anywhere because she had no basis to her complaints, but it sucked to have to sit down with our boss on the regular to address it.

Before all of that she was one of the handful of people at work that I was fairly close to and I would've never expected it.

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Don't do anything with the subordinate. He went outside the chain of command. You'll get in more trouble if you initiate a conversation with him, especially since your manager gave you an unofficial heads up. You and the sub have a new normal now. Setup new boundaries and act accordingly.

Going forward, don't have a close relationship with your subordinates.

Oh yea, and people are crazy. Who knows why they do what they do.

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^All of this. Your boss has given you instructions on how to handle this. They're sound. Follow them.

The POS will eventually realize he's messed up and will move on. Good riddance.

This might be a test that your boss is giving you, seeing how you will react.

Distance yourself. Sometimes even good people can get it in their heads that they don't like someone, and from there it can grow out of control. From that point on, everything is a self fulfilling prophecy. The joking around that used to inspire loyalty and friendship? That person now views it differently just because they now see you as the enemy. Everything you say and do only reinforces their distaste. I've seen good friends behave this way towards people, and it's a sign of immaturity, and something most people grow out of to varying degrees as they get older once they start having real things to worry about, but it's definitely not uncommon.

Don't be friends with people you work with.

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I may differ from some, but I personally do not put up with office politics.

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I hate office politics as well. It's why I left the big corporate world where you're expected to play it and those that play it best are rewarded.

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I would have a very straight conversation with him on what just happened and make sure he has a clear understanding of who the boss is.

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But doing this betrays the trust of his boss who told him on a personal level. Doing that potentially poisons a good relationship over something rather petty. And I only say petty because his boss took his side.

Sure, it's somewhat playing politics but you gotta do what you gotta do.

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What should I do?

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Sounds like your employee broke up with you and you are sad.

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But doing this betrays the trust of his boss who told him on a personal level

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True, each situation is different. I would still lean to talking it out with the employee. You cannot reward actions like that.