re: Introduction Thread

He already went, Clark.

Very well, where should I begin?

My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. A sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.

My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. If I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fifteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shaven scrotum. At the age of eighteen, I went off to evil medical school. At age 25 I took up tap dancing. I wanted to be a quadruple threat.

I love toe cleavage. My left testicle is named piss and my right testicle is named vinegar. I was the first person to use quotation fingers, and once slept in a horse. I made a marzipan voodoo effigy of the Fonz while in a coma after smoking some Bolivian prayer hash at Sammy Davis Jr's house and may be the Prince of Canada.

thats pretty impressive. Tell us about the scar on your forehead, hagrid and the time you saved Hogwarts from he who should not be named.