re: "Young male" jumps off North Parking deck by Old Row

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I believe it. I wouldn't consider myself suicidal by any means, but I find myself not content all the time. I'm more of an angry person. I have a beautiful wife, the smartest kid who everyone says is equally gorgeous. No debt outside of a house note and we bring in 6 figures as a family. You'd think that was enough, but I find myself always asking is this all life has to offer. It's pessimistic and unfair as hell to those who really struggle, but it's a constant battle. I'm extremely blessed, but still somehow manage to find a woe is me outlook on life. Which in turn causes me to further berate myself about why I'm so ungrateful. It's very easy to be your own worst enemy.

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Minus the kid, that is me in a nutshell. Of course, I believe that is one of the curses of higher cognitive function and IQ. If you learn at an early age to question in a negative shade, it seems to follow you throughout life, for me at least.

I constantly ponder the purpose of life, thinking of myself as a mindless drone, systematically following society through predetermined norms that snuffs out any excitement or higher purpose. Sometimes it's hard for me to equate my life to little more than a marching ensemble of ants.

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Some of my closest friends were hooked on oxys, failed out of AU and heading back home. Now, they're married with 3 kids, making $150k and the wife hangs around the house raising kids

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is such a thing even possible?

fricking student loans blow. Interest everyday. Sometimes I wonder if I should of just went offshore and worked. I'd be starting $80k right out of high school. To have no debt out of college you either have rich parents or nice parents ...you also have to get real lucky to get paid great right out of school without any experience. I'm doing fine now but was not anywhere I wanted to be when I got out of school. The dream job was investment banking...yea right that wasn't going to happen. I'm in compliance now in banking which is fine but not where I'd thought I'd be. The student loan is depressing though trying to pay that shite as fast as possible. Hopefully be done in 2 years.

In regards to anything else...I learned not to worry about shite I cannot control. It can work wonders in living your life.

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The student loan is depressing though trying to pay that shite as fast as possible.

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I saw some dude bitching on Twitter last night about his student loans. He paid $6K on his student loans this year, but owes more on his loan this year than he did last year.

It's criminal.

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Paying the student loans fast is no problem unless you are financially illiterate.

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I have a cousin that is currently trying to get student loans to help pay for an apartment. She flunked out of school last year. Plus her parents live 20 minutes away. I remember being young and dumb, but I wasn't that dumb.

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I paid $1800 towards my wife's student loans starting in July of this year...frickets sent me my tax form saying I paid $1800 in interest. Something is wrong.

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you can't find a way to sacrifice for a year and live off 50 or 60 grand? and pay all that shite off at once?

That's before Uncle Ssm takes his share. Not as easy as you think when 10k goes to babysitters/daycare...12k to a mortgage...3600 to student loans...10k to normal daily living for 3 people...10k to retirement and 15k to annual electric/gas/cell/cable/insurance/pest/yard/internet/etc bills. Money goes away quickly.

Sometimes you reach a point of ideal happiness for a small time period, maybe a couple years. Then something happens to you in one night or over the course of a couple weeks/months and/or you do something you can't take back. You maybe lose a couple of other pieces that were the foundation of that happiness, and it's suddenly gone.

You want it back but you can't figure out how you lost it, what is wrong with you or the mistakes you made. You can't fathom all of those pieces coming together again like they miraculously did. It haunts you everyday, every holiday, and when you finally do take your mind off it you see one of the many reminders in the city. You try to fill your life with activities to take your mind off of it but your job makes it difficult to have the energy or drive to do those things. People say you have so much going for you with such a great job with limitless potential, supercars, an apartment in a primetime spot, a fit body, electronics galore...put your possessions mean little to you and you would give them all away just to be happy like you were again. You're getting older and tired of trying to accept what happened and reach that happiness again, still thinking about the epic collapse of losing it before. You think, why even try to reach that ideal happiness again if I will feel this pain losing it a second time and will not survive another tragic fall from grace. You don't seek help from fewer friends you now have as you don't want to be judged, you don't want to hear "you need to get help" when you know it doesn't fricking work, you get limited sessions until it's costly and your employer can't be aware you're there or be on any associated meds (urinalysis) or you lose your job.

You don't want your family to know you're in constant pain. Your soulmate, the person you loved with everything (and one of the pieces of that happiness you had) that had suddenly left one day, you finding out after you were gone for 3 weeks when she was talking about kids before you left; she cut you off that day so you assume she no longer cares what happens to you and you don't even know them anymore. You think the therapists are full of shite, feeding you some unproven theoretical talking points and don't want to lose your job. You don't drink alone because you're afraid of who you'll call, what you'll say. You have no significant other because you don't want to put someone through that and you already drove the love of your life away and to someone else because of who you are and what you did after they left. You just try to stay busy and deal with it alone when you're at home with your phone silent, your friends in other cities, thinking everyone else seemingly having that happiness you had.

Those circumstances in which you were happy won't likely simultaneously all come together again. You feel like you will never escape the torment of being unhappy, you don't want to try to build it again as it is exhausting, an enduring climb, and risky if you were to lose it again. You start every day with 'I will find it again' only to reach nightfall everyday with the demons awaiting nearby as you fall asleep by yourself, remembering the happiness you had, how you wish so much you were back in that reality, and how hard it is now.

Sometimes that daily mental pain in the head, that you've many times think you've conquered and moved on from, masks itself only to reappear when you think it's gone, pinballing around sometimes for hours and days at a time is too much. You want it gone but it seems nothing works and nothing anyone says to you works. When you are mentally weak, sometimes you want the easy way out. You don't want to end it all as you hold out an infinitesimally small hope something will happen, parents that gave up so much for you and a brother who needs you through life. Still you think, why me, why this pain without remedy every single day, why can it never go away? Just one of many examples of how people reach this point.