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re: OT: Anyone ever been through a divorce here?
Posted on 3/6/14 at 9:45 pm to wmr
Posted on 3/6/14 at 9:45 pm to wmr
I was seeing this girl, things were I guess getting serious as far as a relationship when she starts with how bad her job was (clue #1) how she hated working there (clue #2) and wanted to go back to school to finish a different degree (clue #3, had a BS, working off an Associates).
So why don't you?
Well, I can't afford too, I have all these student loans from the last time (clue #4).
That sucks, I worked while in school to pay the difference from the schollys so I would be debt free.
Yeah, my parent's won't pay for me to go back and I barely have any money after paying my loan and car payment each month (bought a new car right at graduation clue #5).
Yeah, that sucks.
Yeah, I went with my friends on a trip this month so now I don't know if I can make the student loan payment (clue #6).
Yeah, you better or your credit score is going to take a hit.
You won't help me?
I'm going to go ahead and exit stage right.
So why don't you?
Well, I can't afford too, I have all these student loans from the last time (clue #4).
That sucks, I worked while in school to pay the difference from the schollys so I would be debt free.
Yeah, my parent's won't pay for me to go back and I barely have any money after paying my loan and car payment each month (bought a new car right at graduation clue #5).
Yeah, that sucks.
Yeah, I went with my friends on a trip this month so now I don't know if I can make the student loan payment (clue #6).
Yeah, you better or your credit score is going to take a hit.
You won't help me?
I'm going to go ahead and exit stage right.
This post was edited on 3/6/14 at 9:45 pm
2
Posted on 3/6/14 at 9:47 pm to DaleDenton
Holy hell... I feel like this is a bar and I am among good friends. These are the war stories I hear every day.
Posted on 3/6/14 at 10:03 pm to Hawgeye
Very sorry to hear, Hawgeye. But PLEASE heed this advice from Pigfeet ...
A good family law attorney will give you advice on every scenario, and advise you on the best way to proceed. Do not rush into anything until you have a consultation & get answers to your questions. Write all of your concerns down before you meet with him. Don't file until you're ready. The consultation is truly the first step & best way to proceed with this. Even if you end up not filing, you'll know your rights & what to expect if you ever do.
wmr - Love ya, but I disagree with pretty much everything you said here. I don't want to get into details of all of my bullshite, but absolutely none of this is anywhere close to my experience with marriage & divorce.
Absolutely not true, and I'm even in a community property state. 99% of the time, the woman's income is cut tremendously, even in cases where there is child support and permanent spousal support, which is extremely difficult to get because the burden of proof is so high on the one seeking it. Since most of the time the wife's & children's lifestyles are going to change, she had better make damn sure she truly wants the divorce, that there are very legitimate reasons for it.
In my case, there was no question, for my own well being & sanity, that divorce was the absolute right thing for me, regardless of any lifestyle change. It damn sure was not because of boredom. Believe me, I would have been ecstatic to have been "bored" in my situation.
Hawgeye, again, very sorry to hear, but you'll feel better, and have much peace of mind after you consult with an attorney to answer your concerns.
quote:
edit: Talk to a lawyer before you ever mention the idea to your wife, lawyer can help guide you to the best path. Most people frick up by rushing to get shite filed, once its filed, hands become tied. All I can say is start the preparations with the guidance of a good family atty.
A good family law attorney will give you advice on every scenario, and advise you on the best way to proceed. Do not rush into anything until you have a consultation & get answers to your questions. Write all of your concerns down before you meet with him. Don't file until you're ready. The consultation is truly the first step & best way to proceed with this. Even if you end up not filing, you'll know your rights & what to expect if you ever do.
wmr - Love ya, but I disagree with pretty much everything you said here. I don't want to get into details of all of my bullshite, but absolutely none of this is anywhere close to my experience with marriage & divorce.
quote:
Its not just Arkansas, its everywhere. Family law makes divorce into "cash and prizes" for the woman.
Absolutely not true, and I'm even in a community property state. 99% of the time, the woman's income is cut tremendously, even in cases where there is child support and permanent spousal support, which is extremely difficult to get because the burden of proof is so high on the one seeking it. Since most of the time the wife's & children's lifestyles are going to change, she had better make damn sure she truly wants the divorce, that there are very legitimate reasons for it.
quote:
I'm thoroughly convinced that the average woman doesn't love men in the way most men think. I don't know that they know how.
Based on my experience:
1. Women love children (most of the time).
2. Women love "to be loved".
Marriage and monogamy for women is about extracting resources. I don't blame them, necessarily, I think it is biology. Women are geared to seek the alpha, and that is about their need to be provided for.
Men, likewise, have an animal instinct, and that is to avoid monogamy and bang everything that walks.
The problem is that no-fault divorce, birth control, and lack of stigma of being divorced provide very little incentive for women to make good wives. The stigma remains for men who don't "do their duty", i.e. get married in the first place, "grow up", provide, etc.
Women often get divorced out of "boredom" in a marriage.
I'm veering misogynistic a bit here, but I don't mean to. I just believe that there are biological forces at work, and marriage used to stifle the base instincts of both genders. No fault divorce and to a lesser extent, the provision of govt assistance, and the family law system that screws men over most of the time, makes it possible for women to extract resources they need for survival without providing anything to men in return. Its a helluva set up.
In my case, there was no question, for my own well being & sanity, that divorce was the absolute right thing for me, regardless of any lifestyle change. It damn sure was not because of boredom. Believe me, I would have been ecstatic to have been "bored" in my situation.
Hawgeye, again, very sorry to hear, but you'll feel better, and have much peace of mind after you consult with an attorney to answer your concerns.
Posted on 3/6/14 at 10:08 pm to DaleDenton
One good thing is I hate debt.
I have one credit card and it's a business card. She has 3 cards....I don't ask her about them and my name isn't on them.
I was raised by very modest, wealthy parents and grand parents. As far back as I can remember, I was about 7 or 8....my dad said to me....Son, if someone is trying really hard to look wealthy, they're actually in a lot of debt and have no money. It may look like they have something, but they really don't.
I'll always remember that. It's what I live by. I'm not flashy. I don't have a Mercedes, an extravagant house. Nothing I own says, Hey look at me! I could give two shits what anyone thinks about me. May be my biggest problem, I dunno.
My shopping trip consists of stopping by the UA bookstore to get the new coaches polos each year. My favorite pair of jeans are 4 years old. My favorite pair of shoes are a 3 year old pair of Borns. My favorite car is a 2006 Mid size SUV that's paid for. My favorite vacation is to South Arkansas to go duck hunting and to Kansas and Nebraska to Turkey hunt.
Maybe this is the problem....I don't spend enough? Who the hell knows....
I have one credit card and it's a business card. She has 3 cards....I don't ask her about them and my name isn't on them.
I was raised by very modest, wealthy parents and grand parents. As far back as I can remember, I was about 7 or 8....my dad said to me....Son, if someone is trying really hard to look wealthy, they're actually in a lot of debt and have no money. It may look like they have something, but they really don't.
I'll always remember that. It's what I live by. I'm not flashy. I don't have a Mercedes, an extravagant house. Nothing I own says, Hey look at me! I could give two shits what anyone thinks about me. May be my biggest problem, I dunno.
My shopping trip consists of stopping by the UA bookstore to get the new coaches polos each year. My favorite pair of jeans are 4 years old. My favorite pair of shoes are a 3 year old pair of Borns. My favorite car is a 2006 Mid size SUV that's paid for. My favorite vacation is to South Arkansas to go duck hunting and to Kansas and Nebraska to Turkey hunt.
Maybe this is the problem....I don't spend enough? Who the hell knows....
Posted on 3/6/14 at 10:09 pm to wmr
I've been divorced in two states, neither of which was Arkansas and it definitely varies from state to state, but one thing that I believe is universal is that what you had coming into the marriage is yours. What you bought or obtained after the marriage is both of yours regardless of who is actually paying for it.
I had a truck free and clear going into marriage #2 and the ex bought a new car after we were married and was almost done with the pmts on it, but at the divorce my truck was 100% mine and her car was 50% mine also since it was purchased AFTER we married. That was in a community property state.
Unfortunately the 401K I had from the job I took after we married was 50% hers. My earlier investments before we married were all mine.
I've had two amicable divorces, still "seeing" ex #2 occasionally. I can't imagine the horror of going through a nasty divorce.
Sounds like she would be jilted. Hell hath no furry as a women scorned.
Don't make any rash decisions. Getting the legal help up front is a good move.
I had a truck free and clear going into marriage #2 and the ex bought a new car after we were married and was almost done with the pmts on it, but at the divorce my truck was 100% mine and her car was 50% mine also since it was purchased AFTER we married. That was in a community property state.
Unfortunately the 401K I had from the job I took after we married was 50% hers. My earlier investments before we married were all mine.
I've had two amicable divorces, still "seeing" ex #2 occasionally. I can't imagine the horror of going through a nasty divorce.
Sounds like she would be jilted. Hell hath no furry as a women scorned.
Don't make any rash decisions. Getting the legal help up front is a good move.
Posted on 3/6/14 at 10:13 pm to Arkla Missy
quote:
wmr - Love ya
I don't believe you.
quote:
Absolutely not true, and I'm even in a community property state. 99% of the time, the woman's income is cut tremendously, even in cases where there is child support and permanent spousal support, which is extremely difficult to get because the burden of proof is so high on the one seeking it.
I am speaking from the perspective of a decent earner and one who has saved and planned. For a man like myself (and most of those I associate with IRL), "cash and prizes" to the woman is a pretty accurate description of how it looks from this side.
You sound like a decent person, so I don't discount what you went through and that you had good reasons for needing out. And many do. There should be more subtlety in family if nothing else, because I view there to exist a default position among the majority of judgments wherein otherwise comfortable women can abuse their status as female vindictively to "ruin" the man or at least remain a thorn in his arse for a decade or more afterward.
This is typical in instances where a man earns enough to support a stay at home (ostensibly) mother who otherwise would be gainfully employed.
Posted on 3/6/14 at 10:16 pm to PygmalionEffect
quote:
I've been divorced in two states, neither of which was Arkansas and it definitely varies from state to state, but one thing that I believe is universal is that what you had coming into the marriage is yours. What you bought or obtained after the marriage is both of yours regardless of who is actually paying for it.
Theoretically. If I own my home (I do, the majority of the equity is mine), and then I marry and we make any sort of improvements from a joint account or any that can not be proven to be not be shared, then the house is a shared asset. At least that is my understanding of how things go in Arkansas. At a minimum, the burden would be on me to prove my sole ownership of the asset.
This post was edited on 3/6/14 at 10:18 pm
Posted on 3/6/14 at 10:23 pm to Hawgeye
Sorry to hear this, hawgeye. Before I comment, remember that everything you say her or anywhere on the internet is forever. Do NOT trash her whatever you do. If she sees it and saves it to show the judge, s/he will eat you alive. Never say never and never underestimate anyone regarding this.
I'm not sure about Arkansas from personal experience. I divorced in Texas. WMR, he couldn't be more wrong in so many ways. Divorce is definitely not a lottery win for women. My attorney cost A LOT. Here, a decent attorney has a retainer from 5-10k and that runs out quick.
now, where you are at a disadvantage is that she doesn't work and hasn't for awhile. Her earning potential is probably very little. She will most likely end up with half of cash, assets, and debt as well. Your businesses are at stake here, as well. Do not start hiding stuff or cutting her off suddenly. You will get nailed for that. Do what you can do legally, but you know that already.
the bright side is no kids, right? Here in Texas the judges are more dad friendly. We had a very friendly divorce and agreed on the custody arrangement and financials. No child support, he pays after school care/daycare and I pay health insurance. We both are earners, though. 50/50 down the board as a result. I have the capability of not needing to rape someone, and agreed to the fairness. Mostly BC if we fought, I could have ended up paying HIM child support due to earnings and potential. No thanks. Lol.
I can't stress enough the part about her and divorce and social media. Once you file, don't discuss it. At all. Judges HATE that shite, and will eat your arse alive over it.
I'm not sure about Arkansas from personal experience. I divorced in Texas. WMR, he couldn't be more wrong in so many ways. Divorce is definitely not a lottery win for women. My attorney cost A LOT. Here, a decent attorney has a retainer from 5-10k and that runs out quick.
now, where you are at a disadvantage is that she doesn't work and hasn't for awhile. Her earning potential is probably very little. She will most likely end up with half of cash, assets, and debt as well. Your businesses are at stake here, as well. Do not start hiding stuff or cutting her off suddenly. You will get nailed for that. Do what you can do legally, but you know that already.
the bright side is no kids, right? Here in Texas the judges are more dad friendly. We had a very friendly divorce and agreed on the custody arrangement and financials. No child support, he pays after school care/daycare and I pay health insurance. We both are earners, though. 50/50 down the board as a result. I have the capability of not needing to rape someone, and agreed to the fairness. Mostly BC if we fought, I could have ended up paying HIM child support due to earnings and potential. No thanks. Lol.
I can't stress enough the part about her and divorce and social media. Once you file, don't discuss it. At all. Judges HATE that shite, and will eat your arse alive over it.
Posted on 3/6/14 at 10:26 pm to wmr
yes, i was just thinking on the concept of 'co-mingled assets"
If a couple has a joint account that account is 50-50 regardless of who is putting the money into it.
People that have accumulated wealth going into a marriage should have a pre-nup and should not co-mingle cash.
I always kept a separate individual checking account and so did my ex-wife. At our marriage we opened a joint account and would transfer money from our individual accounts into this joint account to pay for joint expenses like utilities, etc.
I didn't have a house when we married, we bought one shortly after, and of course the ex got 50% of the equity even though I made 70% of the note each month.
I could have gotten hung on the down pmt which was all out of my account but because we had an amicable divorce she gave me "credit" for that.
But part of the reason was that I had leverage with her car that I didn't go after.
If a couple has a joint account that account is 50-50 regardless of who is putting the money into it.
People that have accumulated wealth going into a marriage should have a pre-nup and should not co-mingle cash.
I always kept a separate individual checking account and so did my ex-wife. At our marriage we opened a joint account and would transfer money from our individual accounts into this joint account to pay for joint expenses like utilities, etc.
I didn't have a house when we married, we bought one shortly after, and of course the ex got 50% of the equity even though I made 70% of the note each month.
I could have gotten hung on the down pmt which was all out of my account but because we had an amicable divorce she gave me "credit" for that.
But part of the reason was that I had leverage with her car that I didn't go after.
This post was edited on 3/6/14 at 10:27 pm
Posted on 3/6/14 at 10:31 pm to hoginthesw
This post was edited on 3/6/14 at 10:32 pm
Posted on 3/6/14 at 10:34 pm to hoginthesw
quote:
Sorry to hear this, hawgeye. Before I comment, remember that everything you say her or anywhere on the internet is forever. Do NOT trash her whatever you do. If she sees it and saves it to show the judge, s/he will eat you alive. Never say never and never underestimate anyone regarding this.
I'm not sure about Arkansas from personal experience. I divorced in Texas. WMR, he couldn't be more wrong in so many ways. Divorce is definitely not a lottery win for women. My attorney cost A LOT. Here, a decent attorney has a retainer from 5-10k and that runs out quick.
now, where you are at a disadvantage is that she doesn't work and hasn't for awhile. Her earning potential is probably very little. She will most likely end up with half of cash, assets, and debt as well. Your businesses are at stake here, as well. Do not start hiding stuff or cutting her off suddenly. You will get nailed for that. Do what you can do legally, but you know that already.
the bright side is no kids, right? Here in Texas the judges are more dad friendly. We had a very friendly divorce and agreed on the custody arrangement and financials. No child support, he pays after school care/daycare and I pay health insurance. We both are earners, though. 50/50 down the board as a result. I have the capability of not needing to rape someone, and agreed to the fairness. Mostly BC if we fought, I could have ended up paying HIM child support due to earnings and potential. No thanks. Lol.
I can't stress enough the part about her and divorce and social media. Once you file, don't discuss it. At all. Judges HATE that shite, and will eat your arse alive over it.
Sound advice. I've always wondered how truly anonymous these sites are. Hopefully for Hawk's sake it's pretty anonymous. I've said some things I wouldn't want Momma to read.
This post was edited on 3/6/14 at 10:37 pm
Posted on 3/6/14 at 10:35 pm to wmr
quote:
I don't believe you.
Well ...
... then. 
quote:
I am speaking from the perspective of a decent earner and one who has saved and planned.
This is typical in instances where a man earns enough to support a stay at home (ostensibly) mother who otherwise would be gainfully employed. .
Those were exactly my circumstances, except I was the saver & planner, and it would have been MUCH easier, financially, particularly in the beginning until things were settled, to stay in the marriage. But as I said, the money was not nearly as important as my own sanity & happiness.
I understand and believe there are women who seek frivolous divorce settlements, and I have zero respect for them. They make it more difficult for women like myself by giving all of us this rep. Any female who honestly is desperate to be done with and be severed from her spouse for legitimate reasons, will not care about anything more than what is best for her children, being treated fairly financially, and being able to get on with her life.
Posted on 3/6/14 at 10:40 pm to PygmalionEffect
quote:
Sound advice. I've always wondered how truly anonymous these sites are. Hopefully for Hawk's sake it's pretty anonymous.
An Arkansas judge who posts on this site was outed a couple days ago in the Arkansas media.
Every lawyer is going to ask if you have a twitter account and/or facebook page, those who haven't updated their forms in a while might ask about myspace. Obviously facebook/myspace isn't anonymous per say, but even with a private page setting where the outside public can't see, you will learn your enemies keep you closer than your friends.
Anyway, The opinions and views expressed by this account does not reflect the operator of the account and is intended for entertainment purposes only.
Posted on 3/6/14 at 10:43 pm to DaleDenton
Can i borrow that disclaimer?
Once I retire...... I'm gonna be hell on wheels on these sites.
Once I retire...... I'm gonna be hell on wheels on these sites.
Posted on 3/6/14 at 10:44 pm to Arkla Missy
the pony express hasn't brought my invitation to the party in Strong, yet..
signed,
Trey Gauche'
signed,
Trey Gauche'
Posted on 3/6/14 at 10:47 pm to Ole Geauxt
I think I missed something. Strong still exists?!?!?
Posted on 3/6/14 at 10:48 pm to Ole Geauxt
When's the party, that's a short boat ride for me
Posted on 3/6/14 at 10:57 pm to Arkla Missy
quote:
Arkla Missy
I think I missed something. Strong still exists?!?!?
you must have!! there's still herring furniture, hdware store next door, snack shack, shiner shack and teddy bears (best Egg & sausage sammiches around, lol),,still there.
PE, Pigfeet is sposed to get us the date on the party.
This post was edited on 3/6/14 at 10:58 pm
Posted on 3/6/14 at 11:01 pm to Ole Geauxt
quote:
there's still herring furniture
Oh yeah! I remember that little girl in commercials. Can't believe it's still there.
quote:
teddy bears
Ha, remember that place too.
Posted on 3/6/14 at 11:02 pm to Arkla Missy
ever get the Egg biscuits? they were interesting.
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