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The Chaos Index
Posted on 8/30/15 at 2:21 pm
Posted on 8/30/15 at 2:21 pm
Something fun I've been writing for myself every year. I'm wondering if anyone else finds it interesting.
Preseason
Where are things going to get chaotic fastest? Here are your answers, and no, Illinois doesn’t count. Things are about to get really mellow now that Tim Beckman is headed for an autumn in the tropics (or at the labor commissioner’s office, but that’s another matter).
1. Iowa. Think the natives are getting restless? After his big run from 2002-2004 (and a shocking 2009), Kirk Ferentz has been good for 6-8 wins like clockwork lo these 16 years. This year, they open with Illinois State, who barely lost to four-time FCS champs North Dakota State in last year's title game. If things go south on September 5th, this will get very ugly very fast. If they don't, things won't get weird until Wisconsin plows them in Week 5.
2. Texas. Typically, a new football coach – particularly one with a track record like Charlie Strong's – gets a few years to rebuild matters. Typically, a fan base isn't nearly as obnoxiously smug and entitled as the Horns'. One 6-7 season later, with Texas now the fourth best program in, er, Texas, the long knives will be out quick, especially if things start 2-4, which is a distinct possibility when your first half includes Notre Dame, TCU, and both Oklahoma schools. If they lose at home to Cal in Week Three, the team should probably plan on relocating to Abilene.
3. Florida. The last time the Gators dipped into the Mountain West for a head coach, they got Urban Meyer. Jim McElwain is not Urban Meyer. The best quarterback on the roster appears to be "none of the above". The best running back on the roster just left the roster. The defense is led by the alleged DBU crew, which backstops the definitely not DLU and LBU crews. They won't lose to a Georgia Southern this year, but happy days are decidedly not here again in the Swamp.
4. South Florida. You hired a coach who went 16-20 in the Sun Belt? What did you expect? Last year, the disasters that were Tulsa and SMU spared USF from having only one win against an FBS opponent. Tulsa is not on the schedule this year, and Chad Morris is in at SMU. Welcome to the final year of the Willie Taggart era.
5. USC. The Trojans are back! There's a Heisman Trophy quarterback at Troy! A Pac-12 title and playoff berth are going to happen! Never mind the questions on both lines, the lack of quality in the secondary after Adoree Jackson, or the questions about what will happen if Cody Kessler goes down. Especially never mind that the fans are already halfway to demanding Sark's head on a platter. One surprise loss – y'know, like Boston College, Arizona State, or Utah last year – and the torches and pitchforks will be out. Have another drink, Sark.
6. USC. A year ago, the Gamecocks were feeling, er, cocky and hanging a 75-foot tall Spurrier on the side of Williams-Brice Stadium. 12 months later, after a horrific 7-6 flop, the D can't possibly be anywhere near as bad as it was in 2014. Of course, the offense won't be nearly as good with questions at quarterback and with no depth beyond Pharoh Cooper at receiver. The Spurrier Is Retiring talk will only heat up more.
7. Utah. There's talent everywhere, and the Utes have proved they belong in the big time. These should be the salad days in SLC, and they were until some jackass (hint: he's the A.D.) decided to pick a fight with Kyle Whittingham, who really should be coaching somewhere better than this. If anything weird happens, and with Michigan and Oregon in the first month, that's possible, tensions could escalate quickly, followed by – naturally – chaos.
8. Washington State. Try this little crisis on for size: more consolidation is coming. Somebody – some Power 5 program from a small media market – is going to get left out. (Okay, several somebodies are going to be left out.) Things aren't working out so hot for the Pirate. Things better improve quickly, before somebody in Pullman pulls the trigger in an attempt to make things look much better in the Palouse.
9. Ole Mississippi State. The feel good stories of 2014 won't get ugly this year, but there's about to be a severe reduction in the feelgoodishness of things, particularly in Oxford, where there's still a ton of talent on both lines but a lot of questions at the skill positions. In Stark Vegas, Dak Prescott might be the best quarterback in the game, but enough talent has moved on to Sundays that last year is about to look like the good old days.
10. Oklahoma. America's most disappointing team, year in and year out, has a chance to lose to up-and-coming (but still 7-6 last year) Tennessee in Week Two. That might set a new land speed record for letting the air out of the Sooner Schooner's tires.
The rest of The Chaos Index can be found at chaosindex.wordpress.com
Preseason
Where are things going to get chaotic fastest? Here are your answers, and no, Illinois doesn’t count. Things are about to get really mellow now that Tim Beckman is headed for an autumn in the tropics (or at the labor commissioner’s office, but that’s another matter).
1. Iowa. Think the natives are getting restless? After his big run from 2002-2004 (and a shocking 2009), Kirk Ferentz has been good for 6-8 wins like clockwork lo these 16 years. This year, they open with Illinois State, who barely lost to four-time FCS champs North Dakota State in last year's title game. If things go south on September 5th, this will get very ugly very fast. If they don't, things won't get weird until Wisconsin plows them in Week 5.
2. Texas. Typically, a new football coach – particularly one with a track record like Charlie Strong's – gets a few years to rebuild matters. Typically, a fan base isn't nearly as obnoxiously smug and entitled as the Horns'. One 6-7 season later, with Texas now the fourth best program in, er, Texas, the long knives will be out quick, especially if things start 2-4, which is a distinct possibility when your first half includes Notre Dame, TCU, and both Oklahoma schools. If they lose at home to Cal in Week Three, the team should probably plan on relocating to Abilene.
3. Florida. The last time the Gators dipped into the Mountain West for a head coach, they got Urban Meyer. Jim McElwain is not Urban Meyer. The best quarterback on the roster appears to be "none of the above". The best running back on the roster just left the roster. The defense is led by the alleged DBU crew, which backstops the definitely not DLU and LBU crews. They won't lose to a Georgia Southern this year, but happy days are decidedly not here again in the Swamp.
4. South Florida. You hired a coach who went 16-20 in the Sun Belt? What did you expect? Last year, the disasters that were Tulsa and SMU spared USF from having only one win against an FBS opponent. Tulsa is not on the schedule this year, and Chad Morris is in at SMU. Welcome to the final year of the Willie Taggart era.
5. USC. The Trojans are back! There's a Heisman Trophy quarterback at Troy! A Pac-12 title and playoff berth are going to happen! Never mind the questions on both lines, the lack of quality in the secondary after Adoree Jackson, or the questions about what will happen if Cody Kessler goes down. Especially never mind that the fans are already halfway to demanding Sark's head on a platter. One surprise loss – y'know, like Boston College, Arizona State, or Utah last year – and the torches and pitchforks will be out. Have another drink, Sark.
6. USC. A year ago, the Gamecocks were feeling, er, cocky and hanging a 75-foot tall Spurrier on the side of Williams-Brice Stadium. 12 months later, after a horrific 7-6 flop, the D can't possibly be anywhere near as bad as it was in 2014. Of course, the offense won't be nearly as good with questions at quarterback and with no depth beyond Pharoh Cooper at receiver. The Spurrier Is Retiring talk will only heat up more.
7. Utah. There's talent everywhere, and the Utes have proved they belong in the big time. These should be the salad days in SLC, and they were until some jackass (hint: he's the A.D.) decided to pick a fight with Kyle Whittingham, who really should be coaching somewhere better than this. If anything weird happens, and with Michigan and Oregon in the first month, that's possible, tensions could escalate quickly, followed by – naturally – chaos.
8. Washington State. Try this little crisis on for size: more consolidation is coming. Somebody – some Power 5 program from a small media market – is going to get left out. (Okay, several somebodies are going to be left out.) Things aren't working out so hot for the Pirate. Things better improve quickly, before somebody in Pullman pulls the trigger in an attempt to make things look much better in the Palouse.
9. Ole Mississippi State. The feel good stories of 2014 won't get ugly this year, but there's about to be a severe reduction in the feelgoodishness of things, particularly in Oxford, where there's still a ton of talent on both lines but a lot of questions at the skill positions. In Stark Vegas, Dak Prescott might be the best quarterback in the game, but enough talent has moved on to Sundays that last year is about to look like the good old days.
10. Oklahoma. America's most disappointing team, year in and year out, has a chance to lose to up-and-coming (but still 7-6 last year) Tennessee in Week Two. That might set a new land speed record for letting the air out of the Sooner Schooner's tires.
The rest of The Chaos Index can be found at chaosindex.wordpress.com
Posted on 8/30/15 at 2:28 pm to Chaos Index
quote:
1 post
Post less.
Posted on 8/30/15 at 2:57 pm to Chaos Index
Take this shite to the Texas A&M board..... the frick..
Posted on 8/30/15 at 3:00 pm to Chaos Index
Making an account just to post 1 thread
Posted on 8/30/15 at 3:07 pm to Chaos Index
that is the most intelligent post that I have ever read on this forum!!! of course, you don't have to be papa hemingway to write something that exceeds the usual stuff on here....next time you write something, you might want to use simple words and phrases because we have a lot of arkanass fans and updykes on the board, and your writing style is way above their understanding capacity, and in some cases, their elementary grade children who are reading it to them....this will be case for the arkanass fans, for the most part.....most of the updykes did mange to make it to junior high school and do well, except for the multi-syllable words
Posted on 8/30/15 at 3:18 pm to Chaos Index
quote:
Chaos Index
Did you get dropped you on your head as an infant? I think so and now you are haunted by nightmares.
Kindly please stick a flare gun to your damaged cranium and maybe it will help....or maybe not.
Posted on 8/30/15 at 4:40 pm to Chaos Index
The law offices of Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe would like to have a word with you.
Posted on 8/30/15 at 4:52 pm to Chaos Index
quote:
Illinois doesn’t count.
: kige :
quote:
1. Iowa.
Wait, WTF, this is a SEC board
quote:
2. Texas
Now you have gone and done it
If you were going to drive hits to your blog, just use the first 3 as a teaser or just use the SEC schools. On the flip side, at least this is not a Montee G stream of sugar fueled wackiness.
Posted on 8/30/15 at 4:54 pm to Chaos Index
Did you pay chicken for advertising your blog here?
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