Sauce: Nate Oats top target for Ark BB HC UPDATE: Zoom call in Progress

I have it from a trusted sauce that Nate Oates is the top candidate for the Arkansas job. Same sauce that told me Bobby was at Ark VB practice when he wasn't on anybody's radar.

He has an emergency zoom meeting with the Fayetteville chief of police scheduled for right after UCONN pounds his arse. Wants to make sure any gold digging single mothers can be quietly "taken care of" if they cause problems.

If this can get sorted out to his liking I'm told he will be given his university issue Harley Davidson motorcycle and be announced on Monday.

I'm told Chris Beard is the back up option. While we prefer a coach who condones murder, leaving orphaned children to fend for themselves, we might have to settle for someone who chokes a bitch Wayne Brady style.

Will update when I get further info.

UPDATE

The zoom call is in progress. However, Eric Mussleman has entered the call somehow with video of LeBron "initiating" his wife into club L.A. as he films from the closet in a spiderman costume. This didn't last long as once LeBron noticed he was being filmed he began pretending to read the first few pages of the "College Basketball for Dummies" book on the nightsand. The video disconnected shortly after.

Once the distraction was over I'm told Nate was given a "strong arse offer" and was reasonably pleased with the cover up skills of the Fayetteville PD. They explained they had come a long way and worked with BMFP to improve putting incidents to bed. Word is that he will accept and be announced tomorrow.

Notes:
Chris Beard is no longer in consideration as during preliminary interviews his partner let it slip that he has no chest and hits like a girl.

Jerome "Pootie" Tang's agent entered his name into consideration but the Kansas State AD gave him a lifetime contract and permission to bang his wife before Arkansas could respond.

I will continue to wade through the BS to bring you guys the best info I can.