re: Mizzou / BYU game: Much more at stake for the Mormons than a mere game

I wonder if Mormon girls are into butt stuff

Living in Utaw, this is the only game of the year where I'll be pulling for Mizzou...

that has to be in unity village, or what they formerly called it, we tried to kick them out west to kansass but even mormons wouldnt settle for that dump of a state.

When I was a teenager I had an rather interesting encounter with Mormons...

A buddy and I went to Navarre Beach (Florida) with our respective families. We were rambunctious kids, and had managed to get a couple of 21+ year old guys to buy us beer as tribute for letting them hang out with us. We also got several females naked within a few hours of hitting the beach that first night (we were 15 or 16, so this was a pretty big deal).

Anyway, we began making our way down the beach, stopping at the various hotel & condominium complex pools, drinking and fooling around with the chicks we encountered along the way.

After several hours of this, we arrived at the Holiday Inn. The crowd there was far more dense than any we'd encountered at any of our previous stops, so we decided to try our luck with the females, ever-determined to "score".

My buddy began recanting our exploits from earlier that summer (imagine Ferris Beuler with a boat and harem) as a handful of the guests at the hotel gathered around, listening ever-intently as he delivered an epic story that came to be dubbed "the Sermon by the Pool".

As the crowd grew, I began to notice that the chicks were all gorgeous. 150+ with the least attractive being about a 7.5 and the upper-echelon approaching 10. Naturally, I started getting my game on and within 15 or 20 minutes found myself in the hotel room of one of these beautiful blondes.

We started making out, and after three or four minutes my hand began to slide up and down her waist and lower back. About ten minutes in, I slid my hand around to the front and firmly grasped her lovely chesticles. You can imagine my shock and dismay as one hand slapped away mine while the other smacked me across the face.

I pretended that never happened as we went back to making out. After a few more minutes, I reached for the boob again and yet again was shot down.

I finally told her that if she wasn't going to let me play with her boobs I was going to find some other girl that would. Little did I know the joke was on me...

When I arrived poolside I saw that the audience my buddy had amassed as he delivered the sermon by the pool had grown from about 15-20 when I went up to the hotel room to easily over 100. I found another knockout broad from among the crowd and made my way up to her hotel room.

Same story. She let me make out with her but wouldn't disrobe or let me get past first base. Finally, I asked her what the hell was going on and why her and the other girl kept shooting down my efforts. She explained that they were Mormons. All of them.

Apparently, a hoard of Mormon teenagers and young adults had rented out the entire hotel. They were so intrigued by our tales of mischief and debauchery because in their culture they just didn't "sin" the way we did, and thought we were the coolest SOBs they'd ever met because of it.

The girl politely filled me in on the fact that I wasn't going to get laid by any of the girls there that night, and that while several may be willing to make out, none would be letting me get their tops off or play with their boobs, much less have sex.

I thanked her for her honesty and forthrightness and made my way back out to the pool, where the crowd around my friend had eclipsed 200. I had to fight my way to the center of it to get to my friend. I explained to him what the Mormon girl told me, and the two of us began making our way back down the beach to our own condos.

When we made it back, we learned that our parents were freaking out, and that every police officer in Navarre Beach was out looking for us (we'd been reported missing).

That night I learned that if you want to hook up with a Mormon chick, you'd better plan on marrying her, because otherwise it ain't happening.

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Should this be a yearly game?

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you mean should we annually schedule a non-conf non-border state rival in a pro stadium at neutral sight?

it does sound like something our (former)AD would do..

That's a pretty epic story, Admiral! You're my kind of storyteller!


I would've just walked out to the pool and said matter of factly, "Okay, I just realized what's going on here. I get it...you're Mormons and that's okay. But, I'm just going to throw this out there...if any ladies wanna have sex, feel free to visit room ###. I won't tell a soul and I'll be gentle. We'll be discrete about it. I guarantee you'll love it. It'll be our little secret. Good night."

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Personally, I find the Missouri/Mormon history to be incredibly fascinating.

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Wasn't there some law on the books that it was legal to shoot a Mormon on site up until like 1978?

Thought I heard that somewhere.

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Wasn't there some law on the books that it was legal to shoot a Mormon on site up until like 1978? Thought I heard that somewhere.

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from google:


For 137 years, it was technically legal to kill a Mormon in Missouri. The law was on the books until 1975, when Governor Bond rescinded what was known as the extermination order. The order was issued in 1838, driving many Mormons out of the state.

So from what I gathered Jesus Christ will come down upon the Mizzou/BYU fans. Step in at QB for Mizzou and lead them to a 3:16-0 victory.

Nice pictures of Adam-Ondi-Ahman.

Where are the bicycle racks?