Canned I Am

Canned I am,

To my own ill.

Did you hear?

They canned Fat Phil.



I am canned.

Yes I am.

I am crying on the cam.



I am canned,

Canned I am.

I do not like it.

I love ham.


Do you like them without pause,

Do you like the UT Vols?



I do not like them,

Canned I am.

I do not like them,

Man-for-man.


I was canned by trustee troll.

I was canned by popular poll.

I was canned right from my goal.

I was canned right from my role.

I was canned from the job I stole.



Did you steal it,

Canned-I-am?

Did you steal it,

From within the fam?



I stole it just as I planned.

I stole it for two hundred grand.

I stole it before the UT band.

I stole it before the UT stands.

I stole it right from Johnny’s hands.



I stole it because I had the balls.

I stole it to coach the UT Vols.





Will you coach them in a bowl?

Will you coach them up the poll?



I will not coach them in a bowl,

I will not coach them up the poll.

I will not coach them in the rain.

I will not coach them in a game.

I will not coach them to a loss.

I will not coach them as the boss.

I will not coach them run the ball.

I will not coach them, not at all.



I would not, could not, win a game

I would not, could not, take the blame

I would not, could not, if I tried.

I would not, could not, so I cried.



I could not, could not, save my hide.

I could not, could not, stop the Tide.



I am not happy.

I am full of regret.

I am not hungry.

Is it Thanksgiving yet?



Did you rat them,

Canned-I-am?

Did you rat them to the man?



I tried to rat them to my pop,

I tried to rat them to a cop.

I tried to rat them so they’d flop.

I tried to rat them so they’d drop.

I tried to rat to make them stop.

They tried to out-cheat Rocky Top!



Who will give my boys their aid?

Who will make sure they are paid?



Will you help them,

Canned-I-am?

Will you help them, to a man?



I will not cheat them to a sale.

I will not cheat them out of jail.

I will not cheat them to not ‘Fail.’

I will not cheat them to make bail.



I will not buy them an Escalade.

I will not buy them to get paid.

I will not buy them a good grade.

How much for the marmalade?





Can you coach them,

Canned-I-am?

Can you coach them,

Ever again?



I cannot coach them,

Canned I am.

I cannot coach them,

Worth a damn.



I cannot coach them like a hick.

I cannot coach them like in a flick.

I cannot coach them vs. Richt.

I cannot coach them at Red Stick.

I cannot coach them vs. Nick.

I cannot coach them worth a lick.



I cannot rat when teams out-cheat.

I cannot bring myself to eat.

I cannot leave this KFC.

I cannot drink enough gravy.



I will drink it when I foam.

I will drink it when in Rome.

I will drink it in a Dome.

I will drink it in a halfway-home.



Canned I am, I can’t believe.

Stung I am, by bright-orange bees.

Canned I am, right to my knees.

Two more orders of cheese-biscuits please.


All credit goes to Gump4Heisman.com