What is the "calling card" of these SEC football programs?

Just some suggestions.

Alabama
Excessively obsessive fans who take the game a little "too" seriously. It's not a religion to Gumps, it's a little more important than that.
Fans in areas often affected by tornadoes who happen to be interviewed on the local news while clad in crimson-accented camouflage.
Stealing "traditions" from Ole Miss.
Only beating Auburn when they are bad.

Arkansas
Track and field national championships.
Claiming fake national championships (1964 comes to mind).
More skyboxes than seats in their stadium because of Wal-Mart's dominating presence, leading their fans to have a false sense of superiority.
Roller coaster results.
Overly conservative playcalling outside of a four-year span from 2008-2011.
Coaches who really love their helmets.
Expert jimmy rustlers, outside of Auburn.

Auburn
Being Alabama's little brother and being really mad about it. The Napoleonic complex is strong on the Plains.
Having to move a great, traditional rivalry from Birmingham to Auburn just to steal a win from their most hated rival.
Stealing the Vol Walk from Tennessee.
A tradition that is Uniquely Auburn: the pre-game flight of the eagle. It's badass.
Always breaking Georgia hearts.
Coaches with obvious physical deformities: short coaches, coaches with gigantic ears, and coaches with no teeth.
Rustling Arkansas jimmies like no other since 2009.

Florida
Always getting the best of Tennessee teams and players (Peyton Manning).
Always struggling against Mississippi teams.
Rustling more Georgia jimmies than Auburn, which is really saying something (Corch calling two timeouts while up 39 points in the 4th in 2008).
Felonies.
The two best coaches, far and away, in their history leaving them for better programs.

Georgia
Helen Mirren's love of Jesus
More rivalries than they care to admit (Auburn, Clemson, Florida, Georgia Tech, South Carolina, Tennessee).
Consistent high expectations; consistent underperformance.
Always the bridesmaid (2003, 2007, 2012).
Moments of sheer ecstasy (2007 Cocktail Party and Auburn "blackout" game).
Moments of sheer despair (2012 SECCG and 2013 Miracle on the Plains).
Christianity.
The second best college town in the country.
Trashing their campus.
Hedges, Silver britches, Larry Munson.

Kentucky
Basketball
The Battleship, The Pillsbury Throwboy, QBese, Hefty Lefty: Jared Lorenzen

LSU
Piss balloons.
TGBFTL.
Not actually having a rival.
A rabid, hungry, and unapologetic fanbase when they're winning. A bored, unenthusiastic, and unapologetic fanbase when they're losing.
3-3 in the past six games versus Ole Miss.
A largely diabetic, obese, and stroke-prone fanbase.

Ole Miss
Always finding a way to have a memorable WAOM moment.
Current residents of 2724 Magnolia Way.
Doing something that hadn't been done in fiddy years.
A coach who quotes Tyler Perry hellur lol, is an expert bass fisherman, lives in a beaver dam, and has out-Christianed Mark Richt
Integration is still optional.
The best looking women in the world.
Fried chicken on a stick eaten while snot slinging drunk at a gas station.

Mississippi State
Clangalangalangalangalangalangalangalangalangalangalangalangalangalangalangalangalanga
Joe Lee Dunn's "Best Defense Money Can Buy"
Taking recruits to Applebee's
Outside of the Croom years, have consistently played a physical, punishing brand of football and had above average front sevens.
Mississippi State has a 210-395-21 record against current SEC programs, which is really bad.