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re: New study finds married parents, not race, single biggest factor in success
Posted on 3/25/15 at 1:26 pm to vengeanceofrain
Posted on 3/25/15 at 1:26 pm to vengeanceofrain
quote:
My best frined is a 27 about to be 28 year old female. Her parents have been married for almost 30 years. She STILL lives at home. She has a full time job, she owns a side business that she will run full time one day, her parents paid for her college and her brothers college. Because she lives at home and has a job making 50k a year she was able to save about 50 thousand dollars over the last 4 years. I make almost twice as much as she makes and I don't have 50k in the bank
We're definitely wading into "Enablement" territory, here. Her parents should have kicked her out the moment she got her first job, no matter how shitty it was.
My folks are married, but my experience was a hybrid of yours and your friend's upbringing. I was told college or GTFO when I graduated high school, as I wasn't allowed to "live at home" if I wasn't pursuing an education or a career. I also mowed lawns for years in order to make a little money for a car, but my old man matched whatever I raised, and that was my all-cash budget.
My folks have never been a co-signer on anything I've ever borrowed to get, but I did learn the value of a credit card and establishing good credit at a young age.
When I was dating and looking for my wife, a major trait I was looking for was someone who also came from a two-parent household. Ironically, shortly after we got married, her parents split up, but my MiL is batshit insane, so there's that.
I do believe that the one of, if not the biggest issue in the overall breakdown of society is the destruction of the nuclear family, and specifically the removal of a man from the home. We have entire generations of boys who have never had a father in their home. This is why so many kids have such strong relationships to their pastors, coaches, grandfathers, etc. Like Tyler Durden said, "We're a generation of men raised by women." It's true, to the point where we are starting to vilify the very nature of masculinity.
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Posted on 3/25/15 at 1:27 pm to vengeanceofrain
quote:
I'm really not trying to criticize, but the beginning of the paragraph and the latter do not match up. Living in a upper middle neighborhood with a Benz while not affording to put food on the table usually don't go hand in hand.
My mother in retrospect made the mistake of moving up trying to catch up with the jones. My mother was making about 100k a year and as soon as she got a raise we moved from a lower middle class place to an upper middle class place into a 200k house. Traded in the honda for a benz, family members started having their hands out, my grandmother, her mother got really sick and almost died and she had to stop working so my mom had to start taking care of her.
Posted on 3/25/15 at 1:29 pm to RoyalAir
quote:
destruction of the nuclear family
Obama is negotiating the fix for this right now
Posted on 3/25/15 at 1:32 pm to genro
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Since we're doing this
42 in February.
I'm amazed by my parents.
This post was edited on 3/25/15 at 1:33 pm
Posted on 3/25/15 at 1:32 pm to vengeanceofrain
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I'm glad that I was not raised with a silver spoon in my mouth. I'm just saying, when we are talking about "having it better" or how such and such just needs to "get it together" I'm just saying that kids from married families often overlook the vast advantages that they have over people that come form single parent house holds.
I agree that there are advantages to a 2 parent household especially the extra "stuff" people own but the problems in the country stem from a lack of BASIC morals and values.....shite we all know from the time we're teenagers.
Posted on 3/25/15 at 1:34 pm to vengeanceofrain
quote:
There are things that I wish I had differently though I wish my dad was around to teach me man shite lol. My mother raised me with an extremely unrealistic and unhealthy view of women that took years for me to get over.
Agree with the 1st thing but not the 2nd....my Mom, IMO, seriously did it right.
Posted on 3/25/15 at 1:38 pm to vengeanceofrain
like one day i was talking to her and we were talking about roomates and she was like uh i could never have a roomates. i was like that's easy for you to say lol you've never HAD to have a roomate lol. like people have a choice
Posted on 3/25/15 at 1:41 pm to Wtodd
quote:
Agree with the 1st thing but not the 2nd....my Mom, IMO, seriously did it right.
my dad is a ladies man. always has been. he's a good dude. he works his arse off. owns his own business. he just likes sex lol
my mom pretty much raised me to worship women. told me to be nothing like my dad. had my dad been around more and was able to correct some shite it woould have saved a lot of future headache
Posted on 3/25/15 at 1:45 pm to cokebottleag
quote:
Hard to know how to act with a wife or child if you never had an example to learn from as a child. You're asking 15-30 year old children to act like adult men, but they've never seen one up close. You might as well ask them to act like Martians.
Which is true. At the same time, whose fault is that? Because I hear all day, everyday that it's the school's "reponsibility" to now provide that male/dominant influence.
ETA: Better yet, are we holding anyone responsible outside of teachers or admin in schools?
This post was edited on 3/25/15 at 1:49 pm
Posted on 3/25/15 at 1:45 pm to vengeanceofrain
quote:
my mom pretty much raised me to worship women. told me to be nothing like my dad. had my dad been around more and was able to correct some shite it woould have saved a lot of future headache
The closest thing I had to a dad was my Mom; she'd kick my arse and wouldn't think twice. Single Moms in 2015 think they have it bad....bullshite compared to single Moms in the late '60s and '70s who had no laws or protections like they have now.
quote:
my dad is a ladies man.
Mine too....the joke with my brother and sisters is "I wonder how many 1/2 siblings we have across the country?"
Posted on 3/25/15 at 2:06 pm to vengeanceofrain
quote:
my mom pretty much raised me to worship women. told me to be nothing like my dad. had my dad been around more and was able to correct some shite it woould have saved a lot of future headache
Posted on 3/25/15 at 2:07 pm to cokebottleag
Walter Williams and to a lesser extent Thomas Sowell have been writing about this for decades. Race is really far less of a factor than issues like this, if you have a child out of wedlock the odds are stacked against you and the child. The problem is that many races (esp AA) have a very disproportionate percentage of out of wedlock births and single parents (or no parents).
BTW, my parents hit 50 last year and I hit 20 in May with my bride.
BTW, my parents hit 50 last year and I hit 20 in May with my bride.
Posted on 3/25/15 at 2:14 pm to aggressor
72% of african american kids are born out of wedlock
of all my childhood friends I knew, I only.. 2 of my friends had both parents and both today are college educated and contributing members of society. The only girl that I ever dated that was black that had both parents graduated from duke and i don't think it's a conscience that the only girl I ever even remotely considered marrying came from a 2 parent household.
The thing is white people are catching up to this now. With more men swearing off marriage and with more women doing the whole independent woman thing not needing a man an d shite you're just gonna see more of this more pussifed men and more batshit crazy women, more people playing catchup
I want kids badly and I refuse to have one or raise one out of wedlock. I won't do that to my child
of all my childhood friends I knew, I only.. 2 of my friends had both parents and both today are college educated and contributing members of society. The only girl that I ever dated that was black that had both parents graduated from duke and i don't think it's a conscience that the only girl I ever even remotely considered marrying came from a 2 parent household.
The thing is white people are catching up to this now. With more men swearing off marriage and with more women doing the whole independent woman thing not needing a man an d shite you're just gonna see more of this more pussifed men and more batshit crazy women, more people playing catchup
I want kids badly and I refuse to have one or raise one out of wedlock. I won't do that to my child
Posted on 3/25/15 at 2:55 pm to vengeanceofrain
War on drugs could be contributed to the lack of marriages in the AA community...
Posted on 3/25/15 at 3:03 pm to sjmabry
black people don't get married because black women are batshit crazy basically
Posted on 3/25/15 at 3:17 pm to sjmabry
The biggest contribution is the Civil Rights Act and AFDC (Welfare). An unintended consequence of the Civil Rights Act was it broke up a lot of very strong AA communities. Many of the best and brightest left while those that remained became dependent on the government. The Great Society programs actually ended up encouraging large groups of poor AA's to stay poor and government dependent. Gradually they turned to crap. Harlem is a good example.
AFDC provided the other catalyst because while it was well intended to assist single mothers with assistance it eventually became an enabler and even an encouragement of becoming a single mother. If you were married you didn't qualify for the check but if you were single you got more government benefits.
The war on drugs put a lot of black men in prison that likely shouldn't have been but the real issue was they were generally engaging in other criminal activity. Without a strong nuclear family and especially father figures many black men grew up without discipline and turned to crime. It has nothing to do with race really, it's more about government actually encouraging irresponsible behavior through well intended legislation with horrible unintended consequences.
My wife's father is on marriage #4 and she has 6 siblings, only 1 of which is not a "half" and of the other 5 they are from 3 different mother/father combinations. They are white as can be. Fortunately my wife worked hard to put herself through school and we have been married 19 years. Most of her other siblings have had multiple marriages, kids out of wedlock, and a couple have been in prison (for drugs no less). The war on drugs didn't put them there, they are products of their environment and choices they have made.
AFDC provided the other catalyst because while it was well intended to assist single mothers with assistance it eventually became an enabler and even an encouragement of becoming a single mother. If you were married you didn't qualify for the check but if you were single you got more government benefits.
The war on drugs put a lot of black men in prison that likely shouldn't have been but the real issue was they were generally engaging in other criminal activity. Without a strong nuclear family and especially father figures many black men grew up without discipline and turned to crime. It has nothing to do with race really, it's more about government actually encouraging irresponsible behavior through well intended legislation with horrible unintended consequences.
My wife's father is on marriage #4 and she has 6 siblings, only 1 of which is not a "half" and of the other 5 they are from 3 different mother/father combinations. They are white as can be. Fortunately my wife worked hard to put herself through school and we have been married 19 years. Most of her other siblings have had multiple marriages, kids out of wedlock, and a couple have been in prison (for drugs no less). The war on drugs didn't put them there, they are products of their environment and choices they have made.
Posted on 3/25/15 at 3:19 pm to genro
quote:
37 in July. Their 25th shindig seems like yesterday. Damn.
Yall talkin bout parents. Im talkin about MY marriage.
Ha!
Posted on 3/25/15 at 3:24 pm to Pavoloco83
quote:
talkin bout parents. Im talkin about MY marriage.
I've never been marriedPosted on 3/25/15 at 3:26 pm to Agforlife
Will celebrate 2 years of marriage in July
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