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re: Rivalry Week is Here - Pic, Fark, Joke thread.
Posted on 11/27/14 at 8:32 am to wt9
Posted on 11/27/14 at 8:32 am to wt9
Three college Head Coaches: SC Head Coach Steve Spurrier, UGA HC Mark Richt and Clemson HC Dabo Swinney are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled case of Coors when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!
However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping.
Mark Richt was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back. This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done Richt had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.
Dabo Swinney was next up. After watching Richt in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and Dabo was soon led away whimpering loudly.
Spurrier was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"
"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness,"Spurrier replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," the Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish, what is it to be?" the Sheikh asked.
Spurrier sucked his teeth, smiled and said, "Tie Dabo to my back."
However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping.
Mark Richt was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back. This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done Richt had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.
Dabo Swinney was next up. After watching Richt in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and Dabo was soon led away whimpering loudly.
Spurrier was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"
"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness,"Spurrier replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," the Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish, what is it to be?" the Sheikh asked.
Spurrier sucked his teeth, smiled and said, "Tie Dabo to my back."
This post was edited on 11/27/14 at 8:34 am
1
Posted on 11/29/14 at 8:42 am to CockInYourEar
Dabo and Spurrier were on a brief vacation coincidently at the same time and place. They ran into each other at the beach and started talking and walking.
They were talking about the past season and their expectations for the next season. Spurrier jabbed about how great it would be for the Gamecocks to go into Death Valley east this year and get another victory. This infuriated Dabo, he lost focus and tripped over something in the sand.
Spurrier leaned down to see what it was sticking up and found an old oil lamp.
Dabo said, "Dear sweet mama, Let me see that.."
Spurrier sucked his teeth and handed the bottle to Dabo.
As soon as Dabo's sweatshirt grazed the side of the lamp a Genie came out and said, "Behold, I am the Genie of the Lamp, each who has freed me gets one wish."
Dabo looked at Spurrier and said, "Genie, I'm ready to make my wish. I want a wall around Clemson that NO Gamecock could ever penetrate."
The Genie exclaimed, "Your wish is my command!" Suddenly a great wall erected around Clemson, SC. Next the Genie said to Spurrier, "What is your wish?"
Spurrier, puckered his lip, and looked inquisitively at the Genie and inquired, "Genie, tell me more about that wall?"
The Genie responded, "The wall surrounding Clemson, SC is impenetrable. The Wall is 1000 feet high, 1000 feet deep, 1000 feet thick and air tight."
Spurrier commanded, "Ok then Genie, fill it with water."
They were talking about the past season and their expectations for the next season. Spurrier jabbed about how great it would be for the Gamecocks to go into Death Valley east this year and get another victory. This infuriated Dabo, he lost focus and tripped over something in the sand.
Spurrier leaned down to see what it was sticking up and found an old oil lamp.
Dabo said, "Dear sweet mama, Let me see that.."
Spurrier sucked his teeth and handed the bottle to Dabo.
As soon as Dabo's sweatshirt grazed the side of the lamp a Genie came out and said, "Behold, I am the Genie of the Lamp, each who has freed me gets one wish."
Dabo looked at Spurrier and said, "Genie, I'm ready to make my wish. I want a wall around Clemson that NO Gamecock could ever penetrate."
The Genie exclaimed, "Your wish is my command!" Suddenly a great wall erected around Clemson, SC. Next the Genie said to Spurrier, "What is your wish?"
Spurrier, puckered his lip, and looked inquisitively at the Genie and inquired, "Genie, tell me more about that wall?"
The Genie responded, "The wall surrounding Clemson, SC is impenetrable. The Wall is 1000 feet high, 1000 feet deep, 1000 feet thick and air tight."
Spurrier commanded, "Ok then Genie, fill it with water."
This post was edited on 11/29/14 at 8:43 am
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