Anybody know of any decent rural internet options

I have a bullmastiff wearing copper boots on a treadmill in my living room. Still nothing. Theres literally not a single fricking provider out here where I live. None of the cell carriers even get enough signal for Hotspot

And dont you dare say hughsnet. My brother in law has it and says its worse than prodigy. Elon musk has something cooking that I signed up to beta test at some point but god knows when that'll be available

I dont want to be one of those people who takes my tablet to mcdonalds for an hour every day

Come on gsb nerds. Gimme the loot