re: Share your Date Tips from Personal First-Hand Experences with Women

I don't know about a tip, but maybe there's a kernel of knowledge in here somewhere:

Several years ago I asked a certain girl out. She was cute, kind of country, but was built well. Before I picked her up, I called her to ask where she wanted to go eat. She said Red Lobster. That should have been an indicator. "Oh well," I thought, "she's from the farm."

We went to Red Lobster and had a good time. She ate her share of cheese biscuits. Then we went to a nice bar to meet some friends. We were there for about 30 minutes and she said she wanted to go back to my apartment. I thought, "great, fun times around the corner!"

I started wrapping it up with my friends, but it took a few minutes to get the tab. She grabbed my arm and said, "we really need to go." I asked her what the rush was. She looked at me and said, "I need to use the bathroom." I said, "that's fine, there's one right there... I'll just be another minute."

She rolled her eyes and sat there nervously while I was finishing up. Then my friends bought me a shot. Of course, I had to take it. As it came out to me, she grabbed my arm again, and said we really had to go. I said, "OK-let me take this, and you can use the bathroom and we'll go."

She looked me dead in the eyes, and, during a bar-wide lull in the conversation, and while my friends were staring at us, said loudly and sternly, "I HAVE TO TAKE A SHITE."

Everything came to a screeching halt. The room started spinning. My friends fell off of their barstools in tearful, shrieking laughter. I said, "Ok-let's go."

We got back to my place and she dropped a groaner that matches and Febreze couldn't cover, and excused herself shortly thereafter.

I guess the lesson is: don't take her to Red Lobster on a first date?