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re: Next SEC Head Coach in Football? Who's Next?
Posted on 3/30/14 at 11:09 pm to CockInYourEar
Posted on 3/30/14 at 11:09 pm to CockInYourEar
I can see it now.
Jan 1, 2019. B², 19-53 as HC at Arkansas has just closed out the last season of his contract and tFlagship has not renewed.
Who will they hire? Vaunted Tulane OC Dan Mullen? UCF DC Will Muschamp? The tension is palpable.
For a half decade hog fans bitterly suffered through BB's futile campaigns and despite clamoring for his early termination Arky Athletic Director Mike Alden continually refused citing "egregious budgetary shortfalls." But now the time has come, the time for change.
The boosters are lined up:
The Waltons? Check
The Dillards? Check
Jerry Jones? Check
In an unprecedented showing of Arkansan solidarity Mike Huckabee and Bill Clinton join to co-head the steering committee.
They review the record.
"Too many great Arkansans have slipped through our fingers. Barry Switzer. Bear Bryant. Hell, Gus Malzahn just won his third National Championship"
Not this time they say. We have got to make a big hire, Arkansan or not. Money is no object.
Days pass without word from the committee who has sequestered themselves in a campus basement. Media camped outside can only speculate on the proceedings as they are not allowed in. Only fat cankled women and the Piggly-Wiggly deliveryman, bearing bags of pork rinds, fried chicken and natty lite, pass through the door.
Then early one morning a reporter notices a black BMW M6 parked outside. Just before he's able to tweet it on his Oculus rift 3000® a stream of pale white smoke begins to drift from the building's chimney.
"Habemus Porkum!" We have a coach!
The door opens and out walks 66 inches of Croatian supercoach, his daughter and wife in close tow.
"Soooooooie" they shout, raising their arms like dumbfricks. Journalists rush the family, booms, cameras and microphones swinging wildly in the air.
"Welcome to Arkansas Coach Saba----" POW! The reporter is punched in the grill by the coach's blonde, 26 year old daughter. That'll teach him to get to close to the family.
"It's all about the process, no further comment"
================12 Months Later================
Location: Hyundai Superdome, New Orleans, Lousiana
It was a miracle of a season, really something for the history books. Undefeated in the SEC and storming through the playoffs the Arkansas Razorbacks are now competing for the National Championship.
It's neck and neck for three quarters until they finally pull ahead by a field goal and kickoff with two minutes remaining.
Hogs: 31
Scarlet Knights: 28
It all comes down to this. Three passes and nothing.
One last Hail Mary.
The guido QB heaves the ball to his receiver and hits him right on the numbers just in front of the Hog benches. He's galloping, desperately hugging the sideline as he approaches old saint Nick when he's clocked in the face right through the helmet bars.
He falls to the ground out cold. Troopers arrest our little Napoleon, refs throw flags, Rutgers is given the ball at the one with time for one last play.
TD.
Gameover.
"It's my condishun. I have the betus. I just need to take a break for my family and health"
Leaves Arkansas.
Goes to ESPN for a year.
Takes job at Ohio State.
fin.
Jan 1, 2019. B², 19-53 as HC at Arkansas has just closed out the last season of his contract and tFlagship has not renewed.
Who will they hire? Vaunted Tulane OC Dan Mullen? UCF DC Will Muschamp? The tension is palpable.
For a half decade hog fans bitterly suffered through BB's futile campaigns and despite clamoring for his early termination Arky Athletic Director Mike Alden continually refused citing "egregious budgetary shortfalls." But now the time has come, the time for change.
The boosters are lined up:
The Waltons? Check
The Dillards? Check
Jerry Jones? Check
In an unprecedented showing of Arkansan solidarity Mike Huckabee and Bill Clinton join to co-head the steering committee.
They review the record.
"Too many great Arkansans have slipped through our fingers. Barry Switzer. Bear Bryant. Hell, Gus Malzahn just won his third National Championship"
Not this time they say. We have got to make a big hire, Arkansan or not. Money is no object.
Days pass without word from the committee who has sequestered themselves in a campus basement. Media camped outside can only speculate on the proceedings as they are not allowed in. Only fat cankled women and the Piggly-Wiggly deliveryman, bearing bags of pork rinds, fried chicken and natty lite, pass through the door.
Then early one morning a reporter notices a black BMW M6 parked outside. Just before he's able to tweet it on his Oculus rift 3000® a stream of pale white smoke begins to drift from the building's chimney.
"Habemus Porkum!" We have a coach!
The door opens and out walks 66 inches of Croatian supercoach, his daughter and wife in close tow.
"Soooooooie" they shout, raising their arms like dumbfricks. Journalists rush the family, booms, cameras and microphones swinging wildly in the air.
"Welcome to Arkansas Coach Saba----" POW! The reporter is punched in the grill by the coach's blonde, 26 year old daughter. That'll teach him to get to close to the family.
"It's all about the process, no further comment"
================12 Months Later================
Location: Hyundai Superdome, New Orleans, Lousiana
It was a miracle of a season, really something for the history books. Undefeated in the SEC and storming through the playoffs the Arkansas Razorbacks are now competing for the National Championship.
It's neck and neck for three quarters until they finally pull ahead by a field goal and kickoff with two minutes remaining.
Hogs: 31
Scarlet Knights: 28
It all comes down to this. Three passes and nothing.
One last Hail Mary.
The guido QB heaves the ball to his receiver and hits him right on the numbers just in front of the Hog benches. He's galloping, desperately hugging the sideline as he approaches old saint Nick when he's clocked in the face right through the helmet bars.
He falls to the ground out cold. Troopers arrest our little Napoleon, refs throw flags, Rutgers is given the ball at the one with time for one last play.
TD.
Gameover.
"It's my condishun. I have the betus. I just need to take a break for my family and health"
Leaves Arkansas.
Goes to ESPN for a year.
Takes job at Ohio State.
fin.
This post was edited on 3/30/14 at 11:11 pm
3
Posted on 3/30/14 at 11:14 pm to KSGamecock
Florida will go for an Offensive guru- Malzahn and Sumlin might get calls, as well as Okie State's guy, Kingsbury with a good year and while it won't happen possiy Richrod or Leach.
Posted on 3/30/14 at 11:22 pm to KSGamecock
Saban can't take Arky to the title game in year one losing to Memphis.
Gotta wait till year 2, need to get the UAB and ULM's out of him
Eta: damn autocorrect.
Gotta wait till year 2, need to get the UAB and ULM's out of him
Eta: damn autocorrect.
This post was edited on 3/30/14 at 11:25 pm
Posted on 3/31/14 at 7:48 am to KSGamecock
quote:
"Habemus Porkum!" We have a coach!
quote:
"Soooooooie" they shout, raising their arms like dumbfricks.
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