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OT: Anyone ever been through a divorce here?
Posted on 3/6/14 at 6:20 pm
Posted on 3/6/14 at 6:20 pm
Just curious on any advice you guys may have.
What's Arkansas like? Is the state more lenient towards women, no matter how bat shite crazy they are?
I've pretty much had a lame duck POS wife over the last year or so and it's time for a change. She isn't worth a crap as a mother. Doesn't clean, doesn't cook. I pay for a nanny(when she is home for at least 8 hrs a day). I pay for a house cleaner(when she is at home for at least 8 hours a day). I also do 100% of any cooking at my home. If it were up to her, the child would eat Tyson chicken nuggets for every meal and a pop tart for breakfast.
Any and all input accepted!
What's Arkansas like? Is the state more lenient towards women, no matter how bat shite crazy they are?
I've pretty much had a lame duck POS wife over the last year or so and it's time for a change. She isn't worth a crap as a mother. Doesn't clean, doesn't cook. I pay for a nanny(when she is home for at least 8 hrs a day). I pay for a house cleaner(when she is at home for at least 8 hours a day). I also do 100% of any cooking at my home. If it were up to her, the child would eat Tyson chicken nuggets for every meal and a pop tart for breakfast.
Any and all input accepted!
10
Posted on 3/6/14 at 6:28 pm to Hawgeye
Its not just Arkansas, its everywhere. Family law makes divorce into "cash and prizes" for the woman.
There's no stigma to being a divorced woman or a single mom, so women really have no incentive to stay. I'm cynical for various reasons, lets just say.
No fault divorce means she can be fricking every guy on your street, file for divorce, and she's still coming out on top.
There's no stigma to being a divorced woman or a single mom, so women really have no incentive to stay. I'm cynical for various reasons, lets just say.
No fault divorce means she can be fricking every guy on your street, file for divorce, and she's still coming out on top.
Posted on 3/6/14 at 6:42 pm to Hawgeye
sounds like she was raised poorly and you married her for other reasons than she was good wife/mom material.
which is like a lot of guys and women
which is like a lot of guys and women
Posted on 3/6/14 at 6:48 pm to Hawgeye
I am sorry to hear about your current situation, Hawgeye.
I cannot offer any advice on marriage yet reading the psychology behind wmr's post backed by experience sounds very genuine. I can offer advice in other areas if you desire.
Have you thought about counseling for yourself, suggested it to her personally all in addition to couples counseling? There might be a reason for her actions otherwise you never would've married this woman for starters in my opinion..
I cannot offer any advice on marriage yet reading the psychology behind wmr's post backed by experience sounds very genuine. I can offer advice in other areas if you desire.
Have you thought about counseling for yourself, suggested it to her personally all in addition to couples counseling? There might be a reason for her actions otherwise you never would've married this woman for starters in my opinion..
This post was edited on 3/6/14 at 6:55 pm
Posted on 3/6/14 at 6:52 pm to Hawgeye
You've been banging a chunky ADP haven't you?
Posted on 3/6/14 at 6:59 pm to Hawgeye
Never been through one but have dealt with lots of people who have. To the extent you can work out everything or most things prior to filing certainly that makes the process and stress that goes with it more manageable.
Where custody of children is concerned we now have a law favoring joint custody LINK but at this point I don't think it has caused much of a change in the way judges decide cases. What is in the child's best interest is and always has been paramount and the judge has great discretion in making that determination. I think it accurate to say that the mother gets custody unless father has solid evidence that mother is bad. Historically it has always been that way. You generally see joint custody in cases where the parties agree to it.
Where custody of children is concerned we now have a law favoring joint custody LINK but at this point I don't think it has caused much of a change in the way judges decide cases. What is in the child's best interest is and always has been paramount and the judge has great discretion in making that determination. I think it accurate to say that the mother gets custody unless father has solid evidence that mother is bad. Historically it has always been that way. You generally see joint custody in cases where the parties agree to it.
Posted on 3/6/14 at 8:43 pm to Hawgeye
Get out of that shite as fast as you can.
You seem to be a pretty good businessman. Marriage is business these days. Talk to a good atty and you could possibly make her live close to you.
I'm divorced and have a daughter. Ex and I get along better than ever. And my ex is bat shite crazy. I pay child support and smile.
^^^^^THIS
You seem to be a pretty good businessman. Marriage is business these days. Talk to a good atty and you could possibly make her live close to you.
I'm divorced and have a daughter. Ex and I get along better than ever. And my ex is bat shite crazy. I pay child support and smile.
quote:
Seriously, men have very little incentive to get married these days. Don't get married unless you absolutely want children and can't just rent a nanny, or she makes significantly more money than you do.
^^^^^THIS
Posted on 3/6/14 at 10:03 pm to Hawgeye
Very sorry to hear, Hawgeye. But PLEASE heed this advice from Pigfeet ...
A good family law attorney will give you advice on every scenario, and advise you on the best way to proceed. Do not rush into anything until you have a consultation & get answers to your questions. Write all of your concerns down before you meet with him. Don't file until you're ready. The consultation is truly the first step & best way to proceed with this. Even if you end up not filing, you'll know your rights & what to expect if you ever do.
wmr - Love ya, but I disagree with pretty much everything you said here. I don't want to get into details of all of my bullshite, but absolutely none of this is anywhere close to my experience with marriage & divorce.
Absolutely not true, and I'm even in a community property state. 99% of the time, the woman's income is cut tremendously, even in cases where there is child support and permanent spousal support, which is extremely difficult to get because the burden of proof is so high on the one seeking it. Since most of the time the wife's & children's lifestyles are going to change, she had better make damn sure she truly wants the divorce, that there are very legitimate reasons for it.
In my case, there was no question, for my own well being & sanity, that divorce was the absolute right thing for me, regardless of any lifestyle change. It damn sure was not because of boredom. Believe me, I would have been ecstatic to have been "bored" in my situation.
Hawgeye, again, very sorry to hear, but you'll feel better, and have much peace of mind after you consult with an attorney to answer your concerns.
quote:
edit: Talk to a lawyer before you ever mention the idea to your wife, lawyer can help guide you to the best path. Most people frick up by rushing to get shite filed, once its filed, hands become tied. All I can say is start the preparations with the guidance of a good family atty.
A good family law attorney will give you advice on every scenario, and advise you on the best way to proceed. Do not rush into anything until you have a consultation & get answers to your questions. Write all of your concerns down before you meet with him. Don't file until you're ready. The consultation is truly the first step & best way to proceed with this. Even if you end up not filing, you'll know your rights & what to expect if you ever do.
wmr - Love ya, but I disagree with pretty much everything you said here. I don't want to get into details of all of my bullshite, but absolutely none of this is anywhere close to my experience with marriage & divorce.
quote:
Its not just Arkansas, its everywhere. Family law makes divorce into "cash and prizes" for the woman.
Absolutely not true, and I'm even in a community property state. 99% of the time, the woman's income is cut tremendously, even in cases where there is child support and permanent spousal support, which is extremely difficult to get because the burden of proof is so high on the one seeking it. Since most of the time the wife's & children's lifestyles are going to change, she had better make damn sure she truly wants the divorce, that there are very legitimate reasons for it.
quote:
I'm thoroughly convinced that the average woman doesn't love men in the way most men think. I don't know that they know how.
Based on my experience:
1. Women love children (most of the time).
2. Women love "to be loved".
Marriage and monogamy for women is about extracting resources. I don't blame them, necessarily, I think it is biology. Women are geared to seek the alpha, and that is about their need to be provided for.
Men, likewise, have an animal instinct, and that is to avoid monogamy and bang everything that walks.
The problem is that no-fault divorce, birth control, and lack of stigma of being divorced provide very little incentive for women to make good wives. The stigma remains for men who don't "do their duty", i.e. get married in the first place, "grow up", provide, etc.
Women often get divorced out of "boredom" in a marriage.
I'm veering misogynistic a bit here, but I don't mean to. I just believe that there are biological forces at work, and marriage used to stifle the base instincts of both genders. No fault divorce and to a lesser extent, the provision of govt assistance, and the family law system that screws men over most of the time, makes it possible for women to extract resources they need for survival without providing anything to men in return. Its a helluva set up.
In my case, there was no question, for my own well being & sanity, that divorce was the absolute right thing for me, regardless of any lifestyle change. It damn sure was not because of boredom. Believe me, I would have been ecstatic to have been "bored" in my situation.
Hawgeye, again, very sorry to hear, but you'll feel better, and have much peace of mind after you consult with an attorney to answer your concerns.
Posted on 3/6/14 at 10:23 pm to Hawgeye
Sorry to hear this, hawgeye. Before I comment, remember that everything you say her or anywhere on the internet is forever. Do NOT trash her whatever you do. If she sees it and saves it to show the judge, s/he will eat you alive. Never say never and never underestimate anyone regarding this.
I'm not sure about Arkansas from personal experience. I divorced in Texas. WMR, he couldn't be more wrong in so many ways. Divorce is definitely not a lottery win for women. My attorney cost A LOT. Here, a decent attorney has a retainer from 5-10k and that runs out quick.
now, where you are at a disadvantage is that she doesn't work and hasn't for awhile. Her earning potential is probably very little. She will most likely end up with half of cash, assets, and debt as well. Your businesses are at stake here, as well. Do not start hiding stuff or cutting her off suddenly. You will get nailed for that. Do what you can do legally, but you know that already.
the bright side is no kids, right? Here in Texas the judges are more dad friendly. We had a very friendly divorce and agreed on the custody arrangement and financials. No child support, he pays after school care/daycare and I pay health insurance. We both are earners, though. 50/50 down the board as a result. I have the capability of not needing to rape someone, and agreed to the fairness. Mostly BC if we fought, I could have ended up paying HIM child support due to earnings and potential. No thanks. Lol.
I can't stress enough the part about her and divorce and social media. Once you file, don't discuss it. At all. Judges HATE that shite, and will eat your arse alive over it.
I'm not sure about Arkansas from personal experience. I divorced in Texas. WMR, he couldn't be more wrong in so many ways. Divorce is definitely not a lottery win for women. My attorney cost A LOT. Here, a decent attorney has a retainer from 5-10k and that runs out quick.
now, where you are at a disadvantage is that she doesn't work and hasn't for awhile. Her earning potential is probably very little. She will most likely end up with half of cash, assets, and debt as well. Your businesses are at stake here, as well. Do not start hiding stuff or cutting her off suddenly. You will get nailed for that. Do what you can do legally, but you know that already.
the bright side is no kids, right? Here in Texas the judges are more dad friendly. We had a very friendly divorce and agreed on the custody arrangement and financials. No child support, he pays after school care/daycare and I pay health insurance. We both are earners, though. 50/50 down the board as a result. I have the capability of not needing to rape someone, and agreed to the fairness. Mostly BC if we fought, I could have ended up paying HIM child support due to earnings and potential. No thanks. Lol.
I can't stress enough the part about her and divorce and social media. Once you file, don't discuss it. At all. Judges HATE that shite, and will eat your arse alive over it.
Posted on 3/7/14 at 12:04 am to Hawgeye
With the exception of situations involving your kids, forget the ex. She's the next guy's problem.
Make sure you get the best lawyer you can afford.
If you don't have one already...get a dog.
Make sure you get the best lawyer you can afford.
If you don't have one already...get a dog.
This post was edited on 3/7/14 at 5:08 am
Posted on 3/7/14 at 11:03 am to Hawgeye
Thanks for reminding me why I'll never get married.
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