re: The life and times of Harvey Updyke (dude that poisoned the trees at Auburn)

He just doesn't get it...

quote:

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He begins rattling off pranks. Texas A&M fans stealing the Texas Longhorn and branding it with a score of a game, and Texas rebranding the word "Bevo" over it, hence the mascot's name. Army-Navy, he says, and a kidnapped goat that was painted pink. One that Rice pulled on Texas.

"What do you think is different?" I ask.

"Me, personally," he says, "I don't think it's a whole lot different."

I don't know what to say at first. I look across the table and decide he's serious.

"Except they didn't shoot Bevo," I say, finally.

Al from Dadeville blows right through that.

"They already knew the trees were dying," he says. "Every time they throw toilet paper in there, they take a high pressure water sprayer and wash if off. That's also killing the trees."

I ask if he understands why so many people are mad.

"I get it," he says. "I understand completely why they're pissed. You know, they've been s---ting on Bear Bryant's grave for 30 years. That's a felony, and they're not doing anything about that. They vandalized Nick Saban's lake house. Painted it orange and blue."

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Anyone got proof that either of those things involving the Bear and Saban have happened? First I've heard of them.

quote:

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"I'll be honest with you," he says. "If an Auburn fan had destroyed Bear Bryant's statue and the guy is 62 years old and is in real bad health, I swear to God, I would not expect and would not want him to go to prison. Probation, five years. Ten years. Replace it. A thousand hours of community service."

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Statues can be replaced. So can trees, but trees take a lil more time.