Pine straw

*paging jeff*

The screenplay took a giant step back after Col Bruce died. The Kingpin.

Find a straw farm & buy it directly from them for $2.00 - $2.25 a bale. I've got 50 acres of young long needle that I lease to Georgia Pine Straw Co for $150 acre.

Col Bruce was never up for KingPin. He would of been perfect for the Narrator role though. Not a huge setback though since the Narrator character doesn'really have much screentime.

The idea is it'll be kind of like when Waylon Jennings narrated The Dukes of Hazzard. But they never showed his face, just his body. Although......CAUTION.......SPOILER ALERT!.........

............Although, you will actually meet this Narrator, face and all, several times very briefly but importantly during the pinestraw movie without ever realizing he's the narrator!. That is, until the face-melter part near the end where it's revealed that, yes, that's the fricking guy that's been narrating this thing all along the whole damn time!? Holy shite! And so therefore it had to be Eli INSTEAD whos charred skeletal remains were found smoldering in the pinestraw inferno, and so Roy must still be alive! And Becky's about to make a terrible terrible mistake....

...!END SPOLIER ALERT.

quote:

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-Colt Ford

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Jeff,

Knowing your disdain for modern bro-country, which often times in the case of CF is lots of "rapping" about worn out cliches, I'm surprised you would offer up this name.

You could also go in more of an Uncle Remus direction with a narrator like Little Richard, Smokey Robinson, or Buddy Guy.

Got about 8 pines in my backyard that has left a nice amount of you got the grit.

"The Wives of Jesup, Georgia.

The price of pine straw goes through the roof after Architectural Digest promotes it as their "Best" pick.

Yankees go crazy, price per bale skyrockets, nuevo riche fist fights in Jone's kitchen parking lot against the uppity city type wives from Waycross and Douglas. Lot's of F-150 demolition derby "Slamdowns". Later there is a period of redemption and rehabilitation, profuse crying and empty promises.

I wonder if you could brand pinestraw with an overbearing marketing campaign. Kind of like Vidalia Onions. People pass other pinestraw looking for authentic Jesup Pinestraw.

Kills more weeds, repels more bugs and lasts 63% longer than generic pinestraw.

Movie starts out simple enough; a simple transaction over pinestraw. You've got a small town hayseed kinda fella who sells some straw to a city man who just moved to the suburbs whose wife is making him get after the lawn. Things are fine but we see this is no ordinary pinestraw. It's quite detrimental to the lawn, ruining it after a matter of weeks (we can figure out other ways that it sucks later). Come to find out, this city man has secrets under the surface. He's a cheater and potentially a pedophile. Also maybe he's killed someone. We are on his side originally bc he got ripped off but now we see this is actually a punishment for his transgressions. Take that you dick. So who is this man selling the wonky pinestraw? Well, he's not what he seems to be either. City man goes to confront hayseed btu he's nowhere to be found. Has he moved towns, or has he taken on a different persona entirely? I'm getting kind of a "shopkeeper from Needful Things" vibe here. Is he good, and punishing those that need it? Or is he more evil than we can imagine?