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‘Twas the night before SEC football Vol. 2
Posted on 8/30/19 at 7:15 pm
Posted on 8/30/19 at 7:15 pm
‘Twas the night before SEC football, when all through the South
The morons on tRant kept running their mouths;
Sure the Gators and Aggies have already played
One during week zero, the other Thursday;
Are we all in agreement that week zero games should be outlawed?
If for no other reason than the title of this piece is now flawed;
While last offseason was filled with coaching changes galore
This one has been a relative bore;
Perhaps Florida had the most interesting offseason
Players transferring out for a whole host of reasons;
The exodus prompted many to question what’s going on
As Cousin Eddie empties the shitter out on the front lawn;
When we last saw the Tide, their defense was reeling
Saban angered on the sideline, jumping and squealing;
Bama could not figure out how to stop Steffi Graf
While the trolls on tRant had themselves a good laugh;
Clear to everyone watching, Clemson was the best team
Countless posts during the offseason citing 44 to 16;
In the SEC Championship, Georgia looked to be on a mission
Up by two scores on Alabama, a familiar position;
But an injury to Tua, and Hurts coming in
As Yogi Berra once said, “It’s déjà vu all over again”;
Off to New Orleans to face Texas and Tom Herman
Who torched the Bulldog defenses just like General Sherman;
Speaking of burning and going down in flames
Auburn still pays Gus $49 million to win just 8 games;
Win only 8 more, and Auburn may say goodbye
Sent back to the Ozarks to coach Springdale High;
Oddsmakers believe Coach O could also be shown the door
Although he beat UCF, unlike Auburn the year before;
Two losses in November are the cause for consternation
First loss to the Aggies since the Clinton administration;
74 to 72, perhaps the game of the year
Aggies filled up their jars, “That’s why we brought Jimbo here!”;
To the Aggies it was only the second-best win of the season
The best being a moral victory, keeping it close against Clemson;
Aggie transfer Nick Starkel has found a new home
From College Station to Fayetteville, the sideline he’ll still roam;
Losing out on the job to the starter Ben Hicks
The Hogs will be happy and lucky if they go 6 and 6;
Same holds true for Carolina, just look at the schedule
Cocks will win some and Boom some, season will be nothing special;
Kentucky is still celebrating a memorable 10 wins
Sure beats watching Calipari squander superior talent yet again;
Missouri brings in Kelly Bryant, who quit on his old team
Clemson clearly didn’t need him, now he follows his dream;
Of being coached by Derek Dooley, assured fortune and fame
And playing in War Memorial Stadium for his bowl game;
Academic misconduct, infraction du jour in the SEC
Color me shocked that it would happen in the State of Mississippi;
Where prestigious institutions teach their pupils to read and write so well
And how to go “Clanga! Clanga!” with a maroon and white cowbell;
While the Rebels still bemoan the departure of savior Hugh Freezus
Escort service back on speed dial, welcome to Oxford Rich Rodriguez;
First-year coach Jeremy Pruitt keeps with Volunteer tradition
By allowing Vanderbilt to beat the Vols into submission;
So sleep well all you ranters, go enjoy a nice beer;
For when you wake in the morning, SEC football will be here
May your weekends be filled with pretty women and good booze
I hate all of your teams, and I hope that you lose.
The morons on tRant kept running their mouths;
Sure the Gators and Aggies have already played
One during week zero, the other Thursday;
Are we all in agreement that week zero games should be outlawed?
If for no other reason than the title of this piece is now flawed;
While last offseason was filled with coaching changes galore
This one has been a relative bore;
Perhaps Florida had the most interesting offseason
Players transferring out for a whole host of reasons;
The exodus prompted many to question what’s going on
As Cousin Eddie empties the shitter out on the front lawn;
When we last saw the Tide, their defense was reeling
Saban angered on the sideline, jumping and squealing;
Bama could not figure out how to stop Steffi Graf
While the trolls on tRant had themselves a good laugh;
Clear to everyone watching, Clemson was the best team
Countless posts during the offseason citing 44 to 16;
In the SEC Championship, Georgia looked to be on a mission
Up by two scores on Alabama, a familiar position;
But an injury to Tua, and Hurts coming in
As Yogi Berra once said, “It’s déjà vu all over again”;
Off to New Orleans to face Texas and Tom Herman
Who torched the Bulldog defenses just like General Sherman;
Speaking of burning and going down in flames
Auburn still pays Gus $49 million to win just 8 games;
Win only 8 more, and Auburn may say goodbye
Sent back to the Ozarks to coach Springdale High;
Oddsmakers believe Coach O could also be shown the door
Although he beat UCF, unlike Auburn the year before;
Two losses in November are the cause for consternation
First loss to the Aggies since the Clinton administration;
74 to 72, perhaps the game of the year
Aggies filled up their jars, “That’s why we brought Jimbo here!”;
To the Aggies it was only the second-best win of the season
The best being a moral victory, keeping it close against Clemson;
Aggie transfer Nick Starkel has found a new home
From College Station to Fayetteville, the sideline he’ll still roam;
Losing out on the job to the starter Ben Hicks
The Hogs will be happy and lucky if they go 6 and 6;
Same holds true for Carolina, just look at the schedule
Cocks will win some and Boom some, season will be nothing special;
Kentucky is still celebrating a memorable 10 wins
Sure beats watching Calipari squander superior talent yet again;
Missouri brings in Kelly Bryant, who quit on his old team
Clemson clearly didn’t need him, now he follows his dream;
Of being coached by Derek Dooley, assured fortune and fame
And playing in War Memorial Stadium for his bowl game;
Academic misconduct, infraction du jour in the SEC
Color me shocked that it would happen in the State of Mississippi;
Where prestigious institutions teach their pupils to read and write so well
And how to go “Clanga! Clanga!” with a maroon and white cowbell;
While the Rebels still bemoan the departure of savior Hugh Freezus
Escort service back on speed dial, welcome to Oxford Rich Rodriguez;
First-year coach Jeremy Pruitt keeps with Volunteer tradition
By allowing Vanderbilt to beat the Vols into submission;
So sleep well all you ranters, go enjoy a nice beer;
For when you wake in the morning, SEC football will be here
May your weekends be filled with pretty women and good booze
I hate all of your teams, and I hope that you lose.
Posted on 8/30/19 at 7:19 pm to Cornelius
quote:
Kentucky is still celebrating a memorable 10 wins Sure beats watching Calipari squander superior talent yet again;
tfw trolled by Vandy
Posted on 8/30/19 at 8:07 pm to Cornelius
Absolutely fantastic! Great job!
Posted on 8/30/19 at 8:08 pm to Cornelius
quote:
In the SEC Championship, Georgia looked to be on a mission
Up by two scores on Alabama, a familiar position;
Now why do you have to go ans open up old wounds?
Posted on 8/30/19 at 8:16 pm to Cornelius
Been waiting for this all week.
Posted on 8/30/19 at 8:32 pm to Cornelius
quote:
May your weekends be filled with pretty women and good booze
I hate all of your teams, and I hope that you lose.
Outstanding and a perfect ending.
Posted on 8/30/19 at 8:38 pm to Cornelius
Pretty darn good
Have an upvote
Have an upvote
Posted on 8/30/19 at 8:54 pm to Cornelius
This post was edited on 8/30/19 at 9:19 pm
Posted on 8/30/19 at 9:14 pm to Cornelius
Love it! Make it a tradition every year.
Respect
Respect
Posted on 8/30/19 at 10:35 pm to Cornelius
quote:
Speaking of burning and going down in flames
Auburn still pays Gus $49 million to win just 8 games;
There is the money shot!
All time
21 Vanderbilt wins
21 Auburn wins
1 Tie
Dores own 2 of the last 3
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