The Idiot Optimist's Guide to Beating Alabama

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Who's their quarterback, A.J. McSophomore? Son, Matt Simms got the best education in the world from Chavis last week. 6 for 20 against Chavis is like 26 for 30 against anybody else. And did you hear, he's the secret weapon in our running game! Tyler Bray don't know nothin' but passing and tattoos. Matt Simms, you put him in the huddle, and our running backs get faster and our linemen get bigger.

And that Trent Richardson kid? Peaked too soon. That little run he put on Ole Miss last week was cute, but I guarantee you this: he comes to a complete stop against a Tennessee defense, Janzen Jackson Herman Lathers somebody is gonna knock him unconscious. Then he'll be out of the Heisman race, which is a shame, because I really enjoy when people ask Nick Saban about that.

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