On Behalf of all Arkansas Fans, I want to apologize to this board.

We're sorry. We haven't been around to troll you guys as we normally do because we've been busy focusing on the upcoming season. This year is different. Rather than just yelling loudly about how things are going to happen, we understand that we are likely to run the table.

Saban is too fricking Old. Clemson took it out of him. This season Alabama falls off and has 3 losses. He quietly ends his coaching career shortly before the 46th president of the United States is sworn in this December. Alabama loses to Florida State, Arkansas and Mississippi St.

Auburn is excited. They have a Quarterback that Gus Malzahn hasn't shite on and tried to teach how to play yet. Unfortunately Gus is lonely without his longtime mistress and he will order his new offensive coordinator to stop calling plays by game 3 due to alienation of affection and they limp home with losses to Clemson, Mississippi State, Arkansas, Georgia and Alabama.

LSU fans will have their optimism replaced with crushing disappointment. Guice blows out his give a shite in a soul crushing loss to Mississippi St. in their third game and spends the rest of the season dodging contact so he can play football for an actual coach. LSU goes 1-7 in conference play with their only win over Texas A&M.

Mississippi will play this season like they have nothing to lose. They finish the regular season 6-6 with wins over Vanderbilt, LSU and Kentucky. Sadly they finish the season 0-12. The NCAA then dismantles the program, dynamites the stadium and auctions all the athletes off to other programs.

Mississippi St. will have their best year ever under Mullen. The game with Arkansas will decide the winner of the West. An 11-1 regular season gets them overlooked for a playoff spot with the deciding factor being their loss to the Razorbacks in a game where Houston Nutt is honored at halftime. Their Egg Bowl win over Ole Miss is forever enshrined as the last shaming insult to Ole Miss fans before their program no longer exists. Dan Mullen grows his hair long and embarks on a 37 city, 9 country tour with Soundgarden and Linkin Park as their new lead singer.

Texas A&M has a season so bad that it leads Kevin Sumlin to stop drinking and stop living in College Station. They lose a heartbreaker to UCLA and never recover. They only manage to win 3 conference games, South Carolina, Florida and Mississippi.


Arkansas finishes the season 15-0. Arkansas is then promptly investigated by the NCAA, has players removed, is sanctioned and then apologized to because the NCAA discovered nothing was done wrong, it just couldn't fathom Arkansas winning a title, Again, just like after fricking basketball.

Sunday Adebayo is appointed the new NCAA Commissioner and sacrifices the officials of the Arkansas, North Carolina NCAA tournament game to appease the gods of justice.


Bonus: Mike Calipari hires Hugh Freeze as an assistant because of his basketball experience.