THE OLD KINGDOM

Peace reigned supreme at the height of the Old Kingdom. LSU won it's first BCS national championship in 2003. The man responsible was LSU's most adored creation, Lucifer, meaning "light-bringing," showed LSU to the zenith it had sought since the 50's. The light-bringer had fulfilled LSU's fatherly wishes by inundating the holiest cathedral of college football, Tiger Stadium, with the resounding operatic jubilation of all the angels of the firmament in Baton Rouge.

But heaven was about to see new turmoil.... Lucifer, in his pride, turned away from LSU. He felt superior to the divine institution that made him and developed a thirst for greater glory. He was cast out from Tiger Stadium by LSU to live a life of banishment for his rebellion. Lucifer, in his pride, foolishly saw the banishment as his choice, something he had achieved over LSU. Henceforth, Lucifer would no longer be known as the light-bringer; he became Saban, the enemy of man.

Saban would spend the next 2 years amassing a 16-17 record at Miami, a realm he never could have hoped to inhabit as a lesser being. Unfortunately for mankind, the NFL could not hold Saban in place. The deceiver of man and the king of the air returned to the world of mortals in order to deceive and corrupt them. He could not return to Tiger Stadium and wanted to keep souls from that bliss in jealous spite.

THE FALL

Saban waged war for aeons against men, turning their hearts from LSU. Temptation took some, but most kept the faith and returned to Tiger Stadium with unwavering loyalty. Victories were won by both sides. The holy and the unholy seemed destined to duel for eternity in an endless melee.

Unbeknownst to all, the 2011 season would culminate in the watershed event in the war up to that point. LSU beat Alabama at home in what seemed like another evenly matched season. LSU enjoyed one of the most difficult schedules of all time and went undefeated through the SEC Championship Game. LSU was poised once again to reign supreme... and then the unthinkable happened.

Alabama was rematched with LSU for the BCS championship game. The criticisms of the BCS system were brought to unforetold life by the abomination. LSU went on to lose the game 21-0, finishing the season with one more win than Alabama, a head-to-head victory over Alabama, and a conference championship title. Alabama had stormed the gates of heaven and won. This was The Fall. LSU and its faithful were brought low by defeat and a feeling of hopelessness would pervade the firmament for a year.

THE ASCENDANCY

The Fall would prove to be a felix culpa, or "fortunate fall." LSU, though humiliated and cowed, was poised for a resurgence over Saban and his filth. LSU had to experience 1/9. Light is nothing without darkness and their triumph will be greater for it. LSU was forced to regroup and restructure it's battle plan in the wake of the loss. The 2012 game showed marked improvement on LSU's part. They narrowly lost the game in the last minute to Saban's trashiest minion, a tattooed, beer-swilling fig named AJ.

2013 found the firmament a new place. Your loyal Virgil personally knows of the fundamental changes that have been made to the LSU program. The offense is greatly improved under the Archangel Cameron's wise tutelage. The defense has been allowed to hot-box the ickiest spinach before the Alabama game in order to reawaken the spirits of Peterson, Mathieu, and other LSU defensive greats who enjoyed such pleasures and diversions. The peace pipes will give each LSU defender the vision and clarity to overcome an offense led by a future employee of the FloraBama.

This Saturday, the offense will kick arse, the defense will puff grass, and the LSU fanbase will be crass. It has been prophesied and foretold. May the angels sing the news forever. Order will be restored. GEAUX frick YOURSELVES, BAMA.

LSU WINS THIS GAME 21-0 IN THE LOCK OF THE CENTURY.

This post was edited on 11/7/13 at 5:23 am