Larry Culpepper given second chance as Alabama waterboy

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Matt Mitchell is the creator of The Ostrich, Walker County's least trusted news source, and was the 3rd round draft pick of the Denver Nuggets. This is a work of satire.

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Larry Culpepper, the former concession vendor and self-proclaimed inventor of the College Football Playoff, is getting a second chance courtesy of Nick Saban.

Typically reserved for coaching staff, Saban's wildly successful coaching rehabilitation program is making an exception for the recently unemployed Culpepper. According to sources close to the program, Culpepper will serve as the Crimson Tide's assistant hydration consultant and share a room with intern analyst Butch Jones.

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He is also required to assist Butch Jones with his daily routine of washing and waxing Nick Saban's vehicle.

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"Larry will also be required to take a vow of silence because he is incredibly annoying."

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experts believe Culpepper will be offered full-time employment within a few months thanks to his cheerful disposition and close resemblance to the team's former defensive coordinator, Kirby Smart.

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"We've already received several calls from schools asking if they're the same person," stated Harris. "Ole Miss actually sent someone up here with a contract yesterday. The sad part is, they know he's not Kirby Smart. They're just that desperate

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