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Auburn about to pull off the first double national championship in history...
Posted on 4/6/19 at 6:24 am
Posted on 4/6/19 at 6:24 am
Horseyjump & Hoopeyshoot
But don’t think the ncaa isn’t watching. Several horses have already been interviewed but have conspicuously chosen to remain silent about the dirty business of equestrian shoe contracts.
In fact people in the know say that the largest equestrian shoe company insists that these young athletes have their shoes nailed on to ensure compliance.
And the dirty money continues to flow unabashedly into these programs. Ncaa records reveal that during the investigation, auburn’s highest performing steed simply took a crap and ate oats during questioning. The investigator said that the only other time something disgusting like that has happened was when cam newton was interviewed but at least he had the decency to wear a shorty short blue velvet tuxedo jumpsuit and beanie.
Several of the texas a&m horses were interviewed but simply sucked each other off making the gathering of pertinent information difficult.
The auburn program was also found to be providing fillies whose sole purpose was to become pregnant during “ horsing around” weekends thereby enslaving the studs into many years of indentured servitude to the university to pay the vet bills for their kids.
When rick pitino was asked about this situation, he replied “ yes, what’s the problem?” And concluded the session saying “ frick you, pay me!”
The life expectancy of these athletes is tragically less than 20 years, yet the practices and filth continue while university presidents look the other way.
Auburn University President Stephen Leath declined to be interviewed but a dumptruck full of yella wood was anonymously delivered to my house the next day in a futile attempt to buy my silence. Makes a nice deck but warps like a motherfricker.
His office referred me to the new legal department at auburn named “ show claws” that handles the equestrian litigation. My calls were not returned.
As of this moment I am disheartened by the stench surrounding this sport so am returning to covering the only program which exhibits the ideals that make college athletics so compelling and innocent, georgia football.
But don’t think the ncaa isn’t watching. Several horses have already been interviewed but have conspicuously chosen to remain silent about the dirty business of equestrian shoe contracts.
In fact people in the know say that the largest equestrian shoe company insists that these young athletes have their shoes nailed on to ensure compliance.
And the dirty money continues to flow unabashedly into these programs. Ncaa records reveal that during the investigation, auburn’s highest performing steed simply took a crap and ate oats during questioning. The investigator said that the only other time something disgusting like that has happened was when cam newton was interviewed but at least he had the decency to wear a shorty short blue velvet tuxedo jumpsuit and beanie.
Several of the texas a&m horses were interviewed but simply sucked each other off making the gathering of pertinent information difficult.
The auburn program was also found to be providing fillies whose sole purpose was to become pregnant during “ horsing around” weekends thereby enslaving the studs into many years of indentured servitude to the university to pay the vet bills for their kids.
When rick pitino was asked about this situation, he replied “ yes, what’s the problem?” And concluded the session saying “ frick you, pay me!”
The life expectancy of these athletes is tragically less than 20 years, yet the practices and filth continue while university presidents look the other way.
Auburn University President Stephen Leath declined to be interviewed but a dumptruck full of yella wood was anonymously delivered to my house the next day in a futile attempt to buy my silence. Makes a nice deck but warps like a motherfricker.
His office referred me to the new legal department at auburn named “ show claws” that handles the equestrian litigation. My calls were not returned.
As of this moment I am disheartened by the stench surrounding this sport so am returning to covering the only program which exhibits the ideals that make college athletics so compelling and innocent, georgia football.
8
Posted on 4/6/19 at 6:28 am to Atxgump
That's a 10 paragraph dad joke
Posted on 4/6/19 at 6:36 am to Atxgump
Have an upvote
This post was edited on 4/6/19 at 6:36 am
Posted on 4/6/19 at 6:36 am to Atxgump
Where do we send the rent check? Holy cow
I upvoted fwiw
I upvoted fwiw
This post was edited on 4/6/19 at 6:39 am
Posted on 4/6/19 at 7:43 am to Atxgump
This reeks of a Harry Rex Vonner post.
Posted on 4/6/19 at 7:46 am to Atxgump
Saw Horseyjump and Hoopyshoot and upvoted.
TLDR after that.
TLDR after that.
Posted on 4/6/19 at 8:49 am to Atxgump
Posted on 4/6/19 at 9:18 am to Atxgump
The butthurt continues.
Posted on 4/6/19 at 11:07 am to bengalbait
That’s high praise but it’s not hrv...dufus
Posted on 4/6/19 at 11:41 am to Atxgump
frick that wall of text
Posted on 4/6/19 at 11:44 am to SpartyGator
quote:
frick that wall of text
Hey florida man, don’t you have to spend time with stepkids today, see your probation officer and enjoy living in a part of florida without a beach
Posted on 4/6/19 at 11:45 am to Atxgump
quote:
Hey florida man, don’t you have to spend time with stepkids today, see your probation officer and enjoy living in a part of florida without a beach
Posted on 4/6/19 at 11:48 am to Atxgump
ATXgump, you have way too much time to waste. Get a job or go fishing.
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