Started By
Message
This is just for Alabamans.
Posted on 4/2/19 at 7:23 am
Posted on 4/2/19 at 7:23 am
Ashland, Alabama—I gave a speech in a little theater. I told stories to warm up the audience before a bluegrass band took the stage.
The band was good. The lead singer was the grandson of Ralph Stanley, and he sounded like it. The boys picked their strings so fast their instruments started melting.
The people in the audience were in good spirits. Thank God for that. Last week, I spoke to a crowd of Presbyterians in Florida. I’ve had conversations with water heaters that went better.
I wish I could tell you how much I love Alabama, but I think I already have. I’ve been writing about this state for a long time. I wrote a novel about it, sang about it, told stories about it, and once I got stuck in Birmingham traffic on a holiday weekend.
I am not from Alabama, I married into it. But I’m glad I did. There are a lot of reasons why I love it.
One big reason is barbecue. You can get pulled pork anywhere in the state. In Mountain Brook it comes served on fine China with garnishes of parsley. Down in Georgiana, you get it from a utility shed beside a gas station. Tell them Sean sent you.
Alabama football is also important to me. I have been watching the boys in crimson since the day of my birth. Literally.
I was born during the third quarter of a Liberty Bowl. My father held his infant son before a black-and-white TV in the delivery room and introduced him to Coach Paul “Bear” Bryant. It was decided that my middle name would be Paul.
The literature from Alabama couldn’t be any better. I don’t care who you are, Kathryn Tucker Windham is queen.
And music, Lord have mercy. William Lee Golden couldn’t be any cooler. Nat “King” Cole had no equals. If I had a son, his middle name would be Hiram.
His first name would be Jalen. Maybe Tua. If I had twins: Satchel Paige and Willie Mays.
A lot of people don’t realize that the Florida Panhandle, my home, is an unofficial extension of Alabama. At one time in American history, West Florida and Alabama were the same territory. Politicians fought over who owned the Panhandle. Alabama lost, and we became Floridians.
Even so, few who I ran with rooted for FSU or the University of Florida. At least not publicly. There were only crimson caps with white “A’s,” or orange caps with the letters “AU” embroidered upon them.
I have seen tavern-clearing brawls over these two caps.
Once, at a joint in Pensacola, I saw one such fight. It was just after the Iron Bowl. An ambulance had to be called. The paramedics didn’t bring enough stretchers to accommodate all the injured. They placed the fallen victims in the parking lot like soldiers after the Battle of Atlanta.
Before each man was placed into the back of an ambulance, he would either moan, “Roll Tide!” or “Gene Stallings can kiss my…”
Assuredly, it’s a great state. I don’t know how a place can feel so much like home when it’s not.
Take me to the Panhandle bay of my youth, and I will swoon over our wiregrass, palmettos, and endless longleafs. But drop me in Alabama, and I become a novice poet.
Bessemer, Dadeville, Gadsden, Prattville, LaFayette (pronounced: la-FETT).
Loachapoka, Notasulga, Weogufka, Macedonia, Letohatchee, Opelika, Tallapoosa, Montevallo, Talladega (tal-a-DIGGA), Sylacauga, Tuscaloosa.
I enjoy sunrises on Lake Martin. I like the streets of Tuskegee. The Mount Vernon Theater in Tallassee is perfect.
Hank Williams’ boyhood home still stands in Georgiana. In McMullen, they have a population of ten people.
The porches overlooking Lake Guntersville are a revelation. I know a judge in Greenville who picks one mean guitar. I know a football coach in Ashland who wears overalls.
Don’t drive too fast through Eufaula, you don’t want to miss the old homes. Visit Luverne at least once, and eat at Michael’s.
Don’t forget the Loveliest Village on the Plains.
A lot of people think that after they die, if they’ve lived a good life, they will wake up in Fairhope.
It’s all lovely to me.
Once, at a crucial time in my life, I thought I had no family. Somehow I was invited into the arms of a place called Brewton. There I found the greatest thing this state ever produced. Her name is Jamie.
She’s a woman whose straight-talking father used to say, “If you don’t like football, strong women, loud preachin’, pork butts, Hank Aaron, Jesus, and the Bear, then you ain’t an Alabamian, you just live here.”
I think it’s time I found some barbecue.
The band was good. The lead singer was the grandson of Ralph Stanley, and he sounded like it. The boys picked their strings so fast their instruments started melting.
The people in the audience were in good spirits. Thank God for that. Last week, I spoke to a crowd of Presbyterians in Florida. I’ve had conversations with water heaters that went better.
I wish I could tell you how much I love Alabama, but I think I already have. I’ve been writing about this state for a long time. I wrote a novel about it, sang about it, told stories about it, and once I got stuck in Birmingham traffic on a holiday weekend.
I am not from Alabama, I married into it. But I’m glad I did. There are a lot of reasons why I love it.
One big reason is barbecue. You can get pulled pork anywhere in the state. In Mountain Brook it comes served on fine China with garnishes of parsley. Down in Georgiana, you get it from a utility shed beside a gas station. Tell them Sean sent you.
Alabama football is also important to me. I have been watching the boys in crimson since the day of my birth. Literally.
I was born during the third quarter of a Liberty Bowl. My father held his infant son before a black-and-white TV in the delivery room and introduced him to Coach Paul “Bear” Bryant. It was decided that my middle name would be Paul.
The literature from Alabama couldn’t be any better. I don’t care who you are, Kathryn Tucker Windham is queen.
And music, Lord have mercy. William Lee Golden couldn’t be any cooler. Nat “King” Cole had no equals. If I had a son, his middle name would be Hiram.
His first name would be Jalen. Maybe Tua. If I had twins: Satchel Paige and Willie Mays.
A lot of people don’t realize that the Florida Panhandle, my home, is an unofficial extension of Alabama. At one time in American history, West Florida and Alabama were the same territory. Politicians fought over who owned the Panhandle. Alabama lost, and we became Floridians.
Even so, few who I ran with rooted for FSU or the University of Florida. At least not publicly. There were only crimson caps with white “A’s,” or orange caps with the letters “AU” embroidered upon them.
I have seen tavern-clearing brawls over these two caps.
Once, at a joint in Pensacola, I saw one such fight. It was just after the Iron Bowl. An ambulance had to be called. The paramedics didn’t bring enough stretchers to accommodate all the injured. They placed the fallen victims in the parking lot like soldiers after the Battle of Atlanta.
Before each man was placed into the back of an ambulance, he would either moan, “Roll Tide!” or “Gene Stallings can kiss my…”
Assuredly, it’s a great state. I don’t know how a place can feel so much like home when it’s not.
Take me to the Panhandle bay of my youth, and I will swoon over our wiregrass, palmettos, and endless longleafs. But drop me in Alabama, and I become a novice poet.
Bessemer, Dadeville, Gadsden, Prattville, LaFayette (pronounced: la-FETT).
Loachapoka, Notasulga, Weogufka, Macedonia, Letohatchee, Opelika, Tallapoosa, Montevallo, Talladega (tal-a-DIGGA), Sylacauga, Tuscaloosa.
I enjoy sunrises on Lake Martin. I like the streets of Tuskegee. The Mount Vernon Theater in Tallassee is perfect.
Hank Williams’ boyhood home still stands in Georgiana. In McMullen, they have a population of ten people.
The porches overlooking Lake Guntersville are a revelation. I know a judge in Greenville who picks one mean guitar. I know a football coach in Ashland who wears overalls.
Don’t drive too fast through Eufaula, you don’t want to miss the old homes. Visit Luverne at least once, and eat at Michael’s.
Don’t forget the Loveliest Village on the Plains.
A lot of people think that after they die, if they’ve lived a good life, they will wake up in Fairhope.
It’s all lovely to me.
Once, at a crucial time in my life, I thought I had no family. Somehow I was invited into the arms of a place called Brewton. There I found the greatest thing this state ever produced. Her name is Jamie.
She’s a woman whose straight-talking father used to say, “If you don’t like football, strong women, loud preachin’, pork butts, Hank Aaron, Jesus, and the Bear, then you ain’t an Alabamian, you just live here.”
I think it’s time I found some barbecue.
Posted on 4/2/19 at 7:46 am to coachcrisp
Amen, coach, amen. I was born and raised in Bessemer. After college I thought it would be cool to move to a real city like Tampa. I lasted 18 months in that Yankee transplant haven. Moved back to LA (lower Alabama) and I’ve drifted around the Fl panhandle ever since. Close enough to Alabama to feel a part of it without having to deal with the absolute rottenest politics and corruption and subsequent civic poverty on the planet. You can take the boy out of Alabama but you can’t take the Alabama out of the boy. No matter where I live, that will always be home.
Posted on 4/2/19 at 8:02 am to coachcrisp
quote:
you just live here
That's how I feel most of the time.
Posted on 4/2/19 at 8:07 am to phil4bama
It's hard to beat panhandle living (except on Saturday afternoon during football season in Tuscaloosa!..my hometown)
Posted on 4/2/19 at 9:26 am to coachcrisp
The Panhandle would have been part of Alabama if Alabama had gained statehood ten years after it did.
Posted on 4/2/19 at 9:49 am to coachcrisp
quote:
It's hard to beat panhandle living (except on Saturday afternoon during football season in Tuscaloosa!..my hometown)
What! I am from Tuscaloosa too
Posted on 4/2/19 at 9:49 am to coachcrisp
Damn man.....I am feeling that post.
Haven't lived in state pushing 20 years now, but that post made me remember why Alabama is God's country.
Haven't lived in state pushing 20 years now, but that post made me remember why Alabama is God's country.
Posted on 4/2/19 at 10:37 am to phil4bama
quote:
Close enough to Alabama to feel a part of it without having to deal with the absolute rottenest politics and corruption
I’m from Hueytown and this is the only reason I am wavering on whether or not I want to move back after I retire from the Air Force.
Posted on 4/2/19 at 11:58 pm to phil4bama
quote:
Amen, coach, amen. I was born and raised in Bessemer. After college I thought it would be cool to move to a real city like Tampa. I lasted 18 months in that Yankee transplant haven. Moved back to LA (lower Alabama) and I’ve drifted around the Fl panhandle ever since. Close enough to Alabama to feel a part of it without having to deal with the absolute rottenest politics an
Did you go to Lanier?
Posted on 4/3/19 at 9:41 am to phil4bama
i was born in ft oglethorpe ga, only because thats where the hospital was. most of the babies from the north end of sand mountain were born there back in the sixties. raised up in Bryant AL, the last lil spot on the north end of sand mountain, above the nickajack dam. i love me some alabama! helped my granny milk cows, churn butter, ring chickens necks, keep a garden. where dogs run free and folks were too. the good ol days. miss my granny, miss those days.
God Bless Alabama!
God Bless Alabama!
Posted on 4/3/19 at 9:54 am to phil4bama
I went to Central in Tuscaloosa. Graduated in 2001.
Posted on 4/3/19 at 11:46 am to LittleJerrySeinfield
I've lived here for 31 years yet I feel almost no affection for the entire state.
Posted on 4/3/19 at 12:11 pm to pvilleguru
quote:
I've lived here for 31 years yet I feel almost no affection for the entire state.
40+ years here, and while there are things about this state I absolutely love, there are about an equal number of things I hate about it. But I suspect a lot of the things I hate would be true for a lot of other states.
Posted on 4/3/19 at 12:13 pm to phil4bama
quote:
I was born and raised in Bessemer.
Is there anything good about Bessemer today other than the Bright Star?
Posted on 4/3/19 at 12:37 pm to biggsc
quote:
I went to Central in Tuscaloosa. Graduated in 2001.
Central grad as well, though about a decade before you.
Posted on 4/3/19 at 12:52 pm to The Spleen
quote:
quote:
I went to Central in Tuscaloosa. Graduated in 2001.
Central grad as well, though about a decade before you.
C HIGH! We both went there back when it was both academically and athletically superior to the other schools in the state.
Posted on 4/3/19 at 12:57 pm to pvilleguru
quote:
I've lived here for 31 years yet I feel almost no affection for the entire state.
You've spent most of your life within a stone's throw of MGM, right? Honestly, that is almost the worst Alabama has to offer. The 4 years I worked down there were the most miserable of my life.
This post was edited on 4/3/19 at 12:58 pm
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