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re: Going in front of the judge at 0900 and the marriage is done and done
Posted on 3/16/17 at 9:56 am to Spaceman Spiff
Posted on 3/16/17 at 9:56 am to Spaceman Spiff
quote:
Totally agree. I also think that society in itself has degraded so much - you know, everybody gets a trophy - that when things aren't all peaches and cream that its OK to do what's "best for you."
You are correct. And yet, I still think it boils down to lack of faith. Think about it. Decades ago, when you lost, it was okay. You did your best and you always had hope moving forward. Because of your faith. When things didn't go well for you, you didn't get a trophy. You went to God. When you walk the Christian walk, it's not about "what's best for you", it's about "what you can do to help others along their path". Faith turns the focus from self to Him and how to glorify Him in all you do. That's what we've lost, IMHO. We decided as a society that God doesn't matter. His creation doesn't matter. But WE do.
Too much "me" and not enough "us".
This post was edited on 3/16/17 at 9:57 am
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Posted on 3/16/17 at 10:07 am to Spaceman Spiff
Good luck Spiff, tough times....
I have a nephew going thru a divorce. Found out his oldest son (10yrs old) isn't his biological son & the wife hasn't let him see him in over 2 months. Needless to say he's devastated & misses him so bad whether he's his or not.... So many sad situations out there...
Best wishes friend...
I have a nephew going thru a divorce. Found out his oldest son (10yrs old) isn't his biological son & the wife hasn't let him see him in over 2 months. Needless to say he's devastated & misses him so bad whether he's his or not.... So many sad situations out there...
Best wishes friend...
Posted on 3/16/17 at 11:02 am to S1C EM
quote:
You went to God.
God is the super glue that holds my marriage of 14 years together. We had some rough times when we were younger but we matured and weathered some big storms together. I also learned that I couldn't change what I perceived were her faults and I made a decision to love her and accept her as she is. I believe she has done the same for me as well.
Posted on 3/16/17 at 11:37 am to dallasga6
quote:
Found out his oldest son (10yrs old) isn't his biological son
That would mess me up in incomprehensible ways. Finding out ten years later..... Jesus.
Posted on 3/16/17 at 11:47 am to deeprig9
How can she keep the 10 yr old from him? He has raised him as his own for 10 years. I'm sure the courts would have a say. Good grief.
Posted on 3/16/17 at 11:54 am to Peter Buck
And the wife's lawyer will add a claim of spousal abuse...
Posted on 3/16/17 at 12:40 pm to DaveyDownerDawg
quote:
I couldn't change what I perceived were her faults and I made a decision to love her and accept her as she is.
Exactly what God does for us. And that's how it should be if we want to show others what He is all about.
Posted on 3/16/17 at 1:31 pm to SquatchDawg
We've already stripped faith away. Now we have a generation of "me" kids, many of whom don't have dad's either. Pepper in the fact that these kids can't carry on a conversation that doesn't involve thumbs and you have a pretty nasty recipe.
Posted on 3/17/17 at 9:05 am to Spaceman Spiff
Chin up high like ya nose bleedin!
Posted on 3/17/17 at 9:37 am to Filthy Dawg
Spiff, I'm sorry that you are going through that. My parents divorced when I was young and it was hell. My sisters life was ruined because of the selfishness of one and the stupidity of the other.
Somehow, by the grace of God, I made it out and am doing well and I pray that continues.
Divorce is an ugly thing and I think the impact it has on the kids is grossly underrated in our society.
Based on my experiences, don't put your kids in the middle of the divorce and don't make them choose sides. I haven't read all of the posts but it sounds as if they are young. They probably don't know much of the reality of the situation and it would be best for them to keep them in the dark on most of the process. When they are much older would be the time if they want to. For their sake, please move on and protect your relationship with them but at the same time be understanding, keep any disagreements or difference in opinions strictly between you and the mother, and do your best to let the kids see you two being civil at all times. I know this won't be easy but this would make things much better for your kids. They didn't choose y'all and they didn't choose the situation.
Good luck my friend.
Somehow, by the grace of God, I made it out and am doing well and I pray that continues.
Divorce is an ugly thing and I think the impact it has on the kids is grossly underrated in our society.
Based on my experiences, don't put your kids in the middle of the divorce and don't make them choose sides. I haven't read all of the posts but it sounds as if they are young. They probably don't know much of the reality of the situation and it would be best for them to keep them in the dark on most of the process. When they are much older would be the time if they want to. For their sake, please move on and protect your relationship with them but at the same time be understanding, keep any disagreements or difference in opinions strictly between you and the mother, and do your best to let the kids see you two being civil at all times. I know this won't be easy but this would make things much better for your kids. They didn't choose y'all and they didn't choose the situation.
Good luck my friend.
Posted on 3/17/17 at 10:21 am to DoubleDawg22
quote:
Based on my experiences, don't put your kids in the middle of the divorce and don't make them choose sides. I haven't read all of the posts but it sounds as if they are young. They probably don't know much of the reality of the situation and it would be best for them to keep them in the dark on most of the process. When they are much older would be the time if they want to. For their sake, please move on and protect your relationship with them but at the same time be understanding, keep any disagreements or difference in opinions strictly between you and the mother, and do your best to let the kids see you two being civil at all times. I know this won't be easy but this would make things much better for your kids. They didn't choose y'all and they didn't choose the situation.
Thanks DD22. They are very you - 7 and 5. You are absolutely right - they didn't choose any of this. Hell, neither did I. I make it a point to actively engage thought and talk concerning their mom. I wouldn't ever disagree/fight/belittle their mom in any way. However, I'm picking up the pieces that she left and its hard. Very hard. I'm trying me best to be their rock. Hopefully I'm doing a good job.
Posted on 3/17/17 at 11:08 am to Spaceman Spiff
Sounds like everything worked out for you in terms of custody, etc so I'm happy for you. I'm sure you were nervous as the woman tends to win most of those courtroom battles even when they are total deadbeats. She must be a real interesting character seeing as most things went your way.
Posted on 3/17/17 at 11:51 am to FinleyStreet
Thanks, Finley.
It did. Got a chunk of her retirement for like, tax free (as in she pays the taxes on it); house; car; and dog. We did this through mediation as she did not want to go into the courts. I could have won much, much more but I stopped short for some reason. Interesting? There is a lot I left out
It did. Got a chunk of her retirement for like, tax free (as in she pays the taxes on it); house; car; and dog. We did this through mediation as she did not want to go into the courts. I could have won much, much more but I stopped short for some reason. Interesting? There is a lot I left out
Posted on 3/17/17 at 12:26 pm to DoubleDawg22
quote:
keep any disagreements or difference in opinions strictly between you and the mother, and do your best to let the kids see you two being civil at all times. I know this won't be easy but this would make things much better for your kids.
Has never happened. And will never happen.
THe divorce is only the first bite from the shite sandwich that the kids get served in these deals. Now the Cold War begins. Next up, the brothers and sisters will naturally evolve towards favoring one side or the other. And eventually one of the parents marries again, and everything gets stirred back up and an awkward weirdness that can't be described is brought into the mix and it all changes forever. Your childhood memories are still your memories, but you realize they weren't good enough for somebody else so they wanted to try again somewhere else. And basically, you're just learning way too early about how flawed human beings are and it won't seem as bad later in life but long story short.....you can say you're going to drizzle honey and spread cake frosting on it, but it's still going to be a sandwich with shite in the middle for them forever. No matter what.
The bright side is that, if it doesn't wreck them, kids can learn a lot about what NOT to do in life on a lot of fronts from these types of deals. I'd bet a large percentage of super dads reached super dad status by living through it and vowing not to inflict it on their own kids. Also, in some parts of the world they have sharia law and go with executions by stoning instead of all the divorce drama so lets try not have too big a pity party. Sheesh.
Posted on 3/17/17 at 8:35 pm to Jefferson Dawg
^ aren't you just a ray of sunshine
This post was edited on 3/17/17 at 8:36 pm
Posted on 3/17/17 at 9:42 pm to Filthy Dawg
No comment
This post was edited on 3/17/17 at 10:39 pm
Posted on 3/17/17 at 10:59 pm to Spaceman Spiff
quote:
What happened to society that teaches where its better to run?
Sometimes breaking and running is necessary. It was for me after trying for damn near 20 years. I am happier, my kids are happier and my ex had never been happy and continues to stay that course.
Posted on 3/19/17 at 8:41 pm to Spaceman Spiff
Sorry, man. Best of luck. Sounds like you still might love her. Life is weird. I hope you find the right woman who is good for you.
Posted on 3/19/17 at 10:29 pm to Spaceman Spiff
I know several guys who went to work and came home to find a note or learn that their wife had been having an affair. Mean while, these guys have bent over backwards to provide the best lives possible for their kids and tried to be great husbands, only to have a judge give their cheating, deadbeat wives the kids and order child support, alimony, and award everything else to the wife. So for you to come out like you did, I salute you sir.
This post was edited on 3/20/17 at 9:40 pm
Posted on 3/20/17 at 10:32 am to dallasga6
quote:
I have a nephew going thru a divorce. Found out his oldest son (10yrs old) isn't his biological son
Ok, I have a question about this (and not to de-rail, sorry for your circumstances Spiff).
But dallas - how did your nephew find out? Just one day, said I want a DNA test?
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