***Roger's super secret ultra-exclusive offensive coordinator wishlist***

I know everyone is asking themselves alright, after leaving Spav somewhere along the side of the road on I-45 North WHO can we hire after the season to replace him? Luckily for you, I have compiled such a list and I am confident the athletic department and Sumlin will follow my awesome recommendations. Just for you guys I offer this service free of charge.

Mark Mangino



The author of Bill Snyder's KSU running game in the 90s, Bob Stoops' only national title and the only relevant Kansas teams in the lifetime of anyone not collecting social security. The Mangenius would be a boom to both our offense and the local food marketplace. His contract with ISU is up in December.

Pros: All around great offensive mind who has operated the Air Raid, option based and pro-style offenses successfully. Maybe the most versatile playcaller available.

Cons: Fired by Kansas for eating two of his players

Kevin Wilson



Another former OU guy, he operated some of the most prolific and balanced offenses in NCAA history in the late 2000s at OU. Turned Sam Bradford from unknown three star into a Heisman winner and first overall pick. It is looking like he will be fired from Indiana's head coaching job at the end of the season.

Pros: Considered a great OC for developing QBs

Cons: Used to be Kevin Sumlin's play calling boss

Dana Holgorsen



Rumored to be on the hot seat, this guy knows his Air Raid offenses. He is currently the head coach at West Virginia, the home of coon skin caps, sister fricking and names ending in "-iah" but the locals are none too pleased with his losing record since 2012. Unlikely he gets fired this year but still a possibility if WVU tanks.

Pros: The author of the offense Sumlin was known for at UH and a legit Air Raid expert

Cons: Looks like a guy who could rape you in your sleep

Doug Meacham



Current OC at TCU, the guy has run a train on Big-Whatever defenses for two years now. He took an anemic offensive program and turned them into a machine. Considered one of the best assistants in America today, this guy more than anyone else immediately turned around a program offensively.

Pros: Maybe the best pure play caller on this list, with a vast array of plays that all flow together very well.

Cons: I could probably coach a 500 YPG offense in that conference.

Tyson Helton



The current OC for Western Kentucky, this guy runs the most prolific mid major offense in America that scored more points on LSU yesterday than Kevin Sumlin ever has. Also an Air Raid guy.

Pros: Has lit up even good major conference defenses

Cons: No Wikipedia page and I didn't even know Western Kentucky was a state

Tony Elliot



Offensive coordinator at Clemson, this guy calls a great balanced spread with a good QB run game.

Pros: You can never have too many black coaches

Cons: Or maybe you can

Steve Spurrier



The OBC said he was resigning, not retiring. Pretty much introduced the SEC to the spread and has spent the last 25 years making SEC defensive coordinators poo dey pants.

Pros: Best. Press. Conferences. Ever.

Cons: Between he and Sumlin some poor reporter will probably commit suicide after an unfortunate line of questioning


Sonny Cumbie



Co-OC at TCU, he has only ever known the Air Raid and is learning under the best right now. Risky since he isn't the primary play caller and we've seen how that goes.

Pros: An Air Raid lifer from the same mold as KK

Cons: You can never fricking trust a ginger

Bob Stitt



Maybe the most innovative OC in the business, this guy's offense is spectacular to watch. Seriously, go watch some film. It will make your scrote tingle. Hired at Montana this year, would he take the downgrade to OC at a major program?

Pros: Coaches an offense nobody at this level has ever really seen

Cons: What the frick is the "Colorado School of Mines"?