The Merlin Report *updated*

Aggy is forever looking to assimilate your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to serve us. Aggy has investigated the entity known as the Merlin from the land of Starkvegas. Aggy has discovered the Merlin is adept at magic tricks. The Merlin employs a great deal of smoke and mirrors in his act.


Aggy Merlin case file



The Moo has assimilated scheduling tactics employed by the Great Purple Wizard of the Kansas Manhattan. The Moo has played a P5 OOC game in just 2 of 9 seasons under the Merlin. Calculations including the former polygamists of the Utah mountains brings the number to 4/9.

The Moo also has the Basketball Kentucky Conglomerate as their permanent cross conference rival. The Merlin has gone 7-1 vs the Basketball w/last year being his first loss. Calculations indicate the Moo generally starts w/5 games a year they should always be favored in.

vs OOC opponents 29-5 (0-2 vs P5)

2009 - 2-2
W - Jackson St 3-8, @Middle Tenn St 10-3
L - Georgia Tech 11-3, Houston 10-4 (coached by Sumlin)

2010 - 4-0
W - Memphis 1-11, Alcorn St 5-6, @Houston 5-7 (coached by Sumlin), UAB 4-8

2011 - 4-0
W - @Memphis 2-10, La Tech 8-5, @UAB 3-9, Tenn-Martin 5-6

2012 - 4-0
W - Jackson St 7-5, @Troy 5-7, South Alabama 2-11, Middle Tenn St 8-4

2013 - 3-1
W - Alcorn St 9-3, Troy 6-6, Bowling Green 10-4
L - Oklahoma St 10-3 in Houston

2014 - 4-0
W - Southern Miss 3-9, UAB 6-6, @South Alabama 6-7, Tenn-Martin 6-6

2015 - 4-0
W - @Southern Miss 9-5, Northwestern State 4-7, Troy 4-8, La Tech 9-4

2016 - 2-2
W - @UMass 2-10, Samford 7-5
L - South Alabama 6-7, @BYU 9-4

2017 - 2-0
W - Charleston Southern 0-2, @La Tech 2-1
remaining - BYU 1-3, UMass 0-3


Against the SEC he has done nearly all of his damage vs average to terrible teams. He does not have a single win vs an SEC team that won 10+ games. He has just one win vs a 9 win school and that was vs hated rival Clan of the Black Bear in his first season.

Mullen vs SEC opponents 30-36


vs SEC East 14-6

7-1 vs Kentucky
W - 2009 - 2015 / 7-6, 6-7, 5-7, 2-10, 2-10, 5-7, 5-7
L - 2016 / 7-6

2-0 vs Vanderbilt
W - 2009 / 2-10, 2014 / 3-9

1-0 vs Tennessee
W - 2012 / 5-7

1-0 vs Missouri
W - 2015 / 5-7 (Pinkel's final season)

1-2 vs Georgia
W - 2010 / 6-7,
L - 2011 / 10-4, 2017 / 4-0 (current record)

1-1 vs Florida
W - 2010 / 8-5 (Urban's final season)
L - 2009 / 13-1

1-2 vs South Carolina
W - 2016 / 6-7
L - 2011 / 11-2, 2013 / 11-2


vs SEC West 15-31

5-3 vs Ole Miss
W - 2009 / 9-4, 2010 / 4-8, 2011 / 2-10, 2013 / 8-5, 2016 / 5-7
L - 2012 / 7-6, 2014 / 9-4, 2015 / 10-3

4-4 vs Arkansas
W - 2012 / 4-8, 2013 / 3-9, 2014 / 7-6, 2015 / 8-5
L - 2009 / 8-5, 2010 / 9-4, 2011 / 11-2, 2016 / 7-6

3-5 vs Auburn
W - 2012 / 3-9, 2014 / 8-5, 2015 / 7-6, 2016 / 8-5
L - 2009 / 8-5, 2010 / 14-0, 2011 / 8-5, 2013 / 12-2,

2-3 vs TAMU
W - 2014 / 8-5, 2016 / 8-5
L - 2012 / 11-2, 2013 / 9-4, 2015 / 8-5

2-7 vs LSU
W - 2014 / 8-5, 2017 / 3-1 (as of week 4, first game w/Coach O)
L - 2009 - 2016 / 9-4, 11-2, 13-1, 10-3, 10-3, 8-5, 9-3, 8-4

0-8 vs Alabama
W - none
L - 2009 - 2016 / 14-0, 10-3, 12-1, 13-1, 11-2, 12-2, 14-1, 14-1


Aggy also investigated the Merllin's bowl activity.

2010 - W - 52-14 - Gator vs 7-6 Michigan (Rich Rod fired after game)
2011 - W - 23-17 - Music City vs 6-7 Wake Forest
2012 - L - 20-34 - Gator vs 10-3 Northwestern (UN's first bowl win since 1949 Rose Bowl)
2013 - W - 44-07 - Liberty vs 10-4 Rice (Rice had 3 wins vs teams w/winning record Marshall, UTSA, Tulane)
2014 - L - 34-49 - Orange vs #8 11-3 Georgia Tech
2015 - W - 52-28 - Belk vs 7-6 NC State (Wolfpack's only win vs school w/winning record was vs 6-5 FCS Eastern Kentucky
2016 - W - 17-16 - St. Petersburg vs 6-7 Miami of Ohio



Aggy ponders.... what has the Merlin really done? How impressive has the Merlin really been? The Moo has little glory in it's history. The Merlin seems to only beat bad teams and occasionally take a game from the middle tier. What would his best win be? 2009 vs 9-4 Ole Miss? 2010 vs 8-5 Urban Meyer and his heart palpitations? 2017 vs Coach Ba Ba O's Tiger-Cats? Why did Corrin's Go Gatas pick an orange being that assimilates with sharks over the Merlin? Why does the Merlin have a losing record in battles with Rumlin going back to his time at Coog High?

It is difficult to justify the cost of an assimilation of the Merlin. Calculations indicate it will take 1260-1511 bitcoin to capture and assimilate. A conversion into Aggy bucks equates to $5-$6 million.

Aggy will continue to monitor the situation but research indicates the Merlin's magic is based far too heavily off of smoke and mirrors to fully commit to assimilation at this date.